Falling For You
by COMPLETARE
Summary: Mello sees a boy called Near at his new university, and he immediately gets his interest. What happens, when both of them starts to see strange dreams and visions of each other and a book which can be used as a mass murder weapon? MelloxNear, Mello's POV. Contains bad language. Fluff and/or smut in the future.
1. Prologue

I obviously do not own death note or any of the characters.

…..

.

The second week of university was already a living hell.

Seriously. I had been there for two weeks, and I was so bored that I would've probably jumped off the roof if Matt wasn't there to cheer me up most of the time. And half of the time spent with Matt, I wanted to push _him_ off the roof.

How could it be that bad? Let me explain you something. When your IQ is over 190, you're overly intelligent and easily bored, how long do you think you could stand people stupider than you teaching you about the stuff you knew and understood already when you were on first grade? And like that wouldn't be enough, I had to put up with ah-so-ordinary fellow students, who thought I was some kind of low-witted rebel just because I wore black clothes and combat boots.

"_Isn't it weird that that toughie hasn't missed one lesson? He looks like a real truant to me"_ few people had gossiped behind my back yesterday at history lesson. Jeez, they hadn't even lowered their voices. I had turned around and politely suggested them to go fuck themselves. They hadn't talked about me after that.

At the moment, the idea of skiving didn't seem so bad. It was a math lecture, and the teacher kept going on about some calculation that I didn't have to listen because I already knew that shit. It was ridiculously easy for me, so I didn't focus. The actual infuriating thing was that Matt wasn't there to whine with me. That lazy-ass bastard had probably stayed in bed while I was there suffering about the boredom.

In desperation I dug my phone out of my pocket and started to type a SMS, hoping that I wouldn't look too obvious with my hands on my lap.

**To: Matt**

**where the hell r u?**

Few seconds later came a reply

**From: Matt**

**sry dude, I have no long breaks 2day so I had to skip a lecture to get sum cigarettes **

I frowned at the text, not caring a single bit about how it might look like to others. They would get used of me frowning at my crotch.

**To: Matt**

**so you picked this one? i'll strangle u next time i c u  
**

Matt was as quick as usually with responding.

**From: Matt**

**I bought u chocolate**

Damn him. Well played.

**To: Matt**

**you are forgiven. just show up next class, ok?**

Matt hadn't time to answer this time, because the teacher had spotted my lack of concentration. I suddenly came aware of the silence and noticed a whole roomful of people staring at me with smug smiles. The teacher narrowed his eyes at me, obviously knowing I had a phone in my hands. Quickly I shoved it to my pocket, not moving my gaze from the teacher's.

"Excuse me?" I asked, playing all innocent.

"I was just wondering" the man sounded horribly derisive "if you find yourself to be too dignified to pay attention for the teaching"

_Yes. Hell yes._

"I think the teacher has misunderstood. I was paying attention." I answered, knowing exactly where it was going. I didn't usually provoke teachers, but _god_ I was bored.

And for the complacent smile on the teacher's face, I knew I had been right.

"Then you surely don't mind solving this calculation on the board?" he tilted his head and lifted a chalk.

I heard snickering and gleeful whispering around me as I walked in front of the class. I grabbed the chalk out of the teacher's hand and wrote the operation, already calculated in my head, on the board. It took me less than half a minute.

As soon as I was done, I turned around to get back to my seat. This time the students were dead silent, glancing between me and the teacher who eagerly examined if the counting had done correctly. But as I seated again, I saw a glimpse of white i had never noticed before. In the row behind me, three seats to the right, a pale boy looked at me with a touch of curiosity in his big, gray eyes.

This guy knew I did the calculation right, even before the teacher. I was damn sure about it. Because the look of interest appeared to other's eyes only after the teacher turned back to me with a greatly disappointed expression and declared the problem to be operated properly.

"How come he did that without a calculator?" I heard some girl whispering.

"…and so quickly? He didn't even pay attention earlier, I saw him texting someone…."

"He must be some kind of a math genius…."

"he's kinda hot actually…"

with the last one, I stopped listening.

The teacher left me in peace for the rest of the lecture. Though the incident had been amusing diversion on the class, I didn't feel need to it anymore. I had a plenty of hard time, trying not to glance over my shoulder to take another look of the petite guy behind me. I felt his eyes on my back.

How come I hadn't noted him before? The pale figure was definitely not easily forgotten. How many times had I seen people to have naturally white hair? And I am not counting my grandmother. It was strange, how the boy had so easily captured my interest. I hadn't found any other emotion in his expressionless face, another than slight curiosity that had glowed in his eyes. He had been smart enough to count the problem on the board before the teacher…

When the lecture ended, I peeked discreetly over my shoulder. The pale boy packed the notes in his light bag, and I could have sworn I saw him putting a Rubik's cube there too. With a faint confusion I picked up my own stuff and left to find Matt and, as I happily remembered on the door, my chocolate.

.

.

The next few weeks weren't so bad. I got used to the regular order of the day, in which Matt and I missed the first ten minutes of morning's class, made couple of new friends, terrorized other students and ate way too much chocolate. Well, at least I did. It had become a bad habit and it was hard to get rid of it. One day Matt asked me if he'd get my iPad when I'd get a heart attack and die . After I smacked him in the head, I still heard at least twenty diabetes-jokes.

In lessons I made an easy choice and just got buried in my thoughts. Sometimes I rose from my trance if the teacher said something new or interesting. Most of the time I however didn't give a single fuck.

Some lectures got my interest in other ways. I spotted certain white-haired guy in my physic and English classes too. He sat a few benches away from me, didn't seem to even notice me. I wouldn't have given him another thought, but sometimes I felt those gray eyes observing me closely. Okay, I might have been a little bit paranoid. Why would some random dude just stare at me? I wasn't that interesting, to be honest. Genius, maybe, but a bit boring. And bored.

But every time the feeling of someone staring got too overwhelming, I turned to look if he actually _was_ watching. Well, he wasn't. Grey eyes were lazily centered on speechifying teacher or down at the papers as he wrote notes with his clear handwriting. Or messy handwriting. I couldn't see at his notes, okay? But if I had to guess, I'd say it was clear. It was probably the way he hold his pen, stable but casual, like it really didn't matter what he wrote because he'd remember it anyway. Yeah, I notice pretty stupid stuff. Anyway, when I turned back to my books, the sensation came back. It wasn't too hard just to ignore it, but it was rather annoying. In the end of those kind of classes, I was always a bit miffed. In the end that didn't really matter, because I forgot it the moment I stepped out of the class and found other things to do.

.

.

It was quite ironic, that the first time I caught the pale observer staring at me, was the second time that Matt skipped the math class to get ciggies. It seemed like whenever my buddy was gone, I had the unbelievable ability to draw attention.

I had been late that morning, and this time it was not on purpose. Math teacher, Mr. Williams, hated me already after the first month, so I had no intention to make him hate me more. He was a teacher, after all. So I had this one rule not to miss his classes. I had to shower while brushing teeth and drink my morning coffee on the way. I of course hadn't eaten any breakfast, because I had to snatch time from somewhere, right? So when I came on the class (it took plenty of time before he let me in) and sat on my seat, next to Matt's empty one, I was damn hungry.

Ever so silently I rummaged my bag to find my half-eaten chocolate bar. And after finding it, without no one noticing (or so I thought) I took a bite.

Almost soundless gasp made me turn my head.

The white-haired boy looked at me with something I could only call an alarmed expression. Grey eyes were wider than usually and pale lips were a bit parted. I stiffened, the hand with chocolate stopping in the air in front of me. As soon as he got that I was staring back, his face turned immediately back to security-mode. He slowly turned his gaze away, almost as if he had been like that the whole time.

I was astonished. Why the fuck would someone react that way on chocolate-eating? I hadn't done it on the other lectures, but for fuck's sake, it wasn't _that _shocking to eat while study. The guy had looked like he had seen a ghost. How weird is that? Okay, I had noticed that he was kinda strange. He never talked to anyone, he always wore only white or light clothes and I had never seen him at the cafeteria. Maybe that was it. I had never seen him eating anything, so maybe he just didn't like food. That would explain his slender figure too. But it was still freaking weird reaction…

"You there!" Mr. Williams shouted. Oh, right. It was the time I had my amount of negative attention that day. "What do you think you're doing?"

I tiredly lifted my gaze.

"I am eating a chocolate bar" _what does it look like, genius?_

Now I had the whole class looking at me. Fucking great. The teacher snorted in disapproval before continued.

"It's forbidden to eat during classes" he determined. Few other students frowned in abashment. The guy really seemed to hate me, for making up stupid rules.

"Actually it's not. I checked." I had checked it, really.

"In my class it is. I think I have to take points from you for that. And for being late"

I didn't answer, and with a smug smirk he continued lecturing. I muttered curses under my breath, forgetting all about the pale guy and focusing on hating that stupid son of a bitch teacher. I had never been teacher's eyesore, even though my changing behaviour, but it was quite clear that the times had changed.

.

.

Later that day at Matt's room, I bitched about the teacher to him. Matt had an awesome ability to listen and comment on my whining at the same time as playing with his Xbox. I sprawled next to him in the couch he had somehow managed to cram in the poky room. It was kinda cosy, just chilling with Matt like always. We had been friends since forever, and it was comforting that he was there.

"He took points from me. Can you fucking believe it?" I groaned, sluggishly shifting my gaze over the room, not focusing on anything particularly.

"Believe me, Mels, I can. Although you're quite loveable sort, I think you just made yourself a new not-so-fave teacher" he answered, not actually helping one bit.

I sighed. "Why is it so that teachers never like us, even when we got the best grades of the whole freaking class?"

"It's probably because we look like we're about to steal their cars."

I puckered my brows at him. "You _stole _our teacher's car"

Matt laughed a moment, but got serious again when the game started to go into the wrong direction.

"I didn't _steal_, I _borrowed._ I gave them back the next day." I remembered that. Two years earlier Matt had stolen our biology teacher's cars. Well, actually he just broke in it at night and drove it to the school's parking lot. He still don't know who was behind it, but I'm sure he had his suspicions.

"Hey" Matt continued suddenly and put his controller aside. "Guess what I borrowed from store today when you were having a good time with mister Sunshine?"

I just raised my eyebrow, not bothering to open my mouth. Matt jumped off the couch to his messy bed. I seriously wondered how the hell he could sleep among all the crap he had thrown there. The redhead rootled through his stuff while whistling annoyingly.

Soon he found the thing he needed and leaped back to me.

"Check these out" he said, and then put on weirdest glasses I had ever seen.

Then it happened. Suddenly my vision blurred, and image of Matt flashed in my head. _He had the glasses in his head, cigarette between his dry lips, and he played with handheld console on some strange hotel room_. It was Matt, my best friend. And it wasn't. My sight cleared as soon as it had clouded, and I blinked rapidly my eyes.

"Really? What the heck are they?" I asked, hoping that Matt hadn't noticed my weird act. Fortunately he was too excited over the ridiculous glasses.

"Goggles!" Matt whooped. He looked totally absurd with them on. I could hardly see his eyes behind the orange lenses. But to be honest, I really didn't care that much. Whatever, if those dumb goggles made Matt happy, then what was I to judge?

"Great." I sighed and pushed the Xbox-controller back into his hands. "I'm going to order pizza. Let's have a movie night."

Matt made an approving sound, turning back to his game again. I was still a bit bemused, and as I typed the number on my phone, I couldn't help but wonder what the heck had just happened. I had seen a vision of Matt, but it had felt…sad. Yeah, image of Matt in some random hotel room made me sad.

God, I didn't want to think about it. I blew it out of my mind and tried to concentrate on having fun. Weird stuff like that happens all the time, right? Right….

.

.

Next day started definitely better. My first lecture started after twelve, so I had no rush doing my usual morning stuff. I had fallen asleep on Matt's couch, and although it wasn't the most comfortable place to spend ten hours, it still didn't matter. I had woken early, so I had time to nip at the nearest coffeehouse. It didn't take long, and soon I was back at Matt's room with a chocolate bar and two takeaway cups of coffee, chocolate cappuccino for me and espresso for Matt. That guy liked it strong. The actual hard part was to drag Matt out of his bed and force him to drink the damn coffee. But seriously, I had practically lived with him my whole life, so it wasn't even a real challenge.

So, the morning was great. I was in pretty good mood at lunch. Matt and I sat on the corner of cafeteria with few other guys during lunchtime. The topic today was about some party on Friday that we'd all go.

"I think there'll be about seventy people…so you guys are coming?" one of my new friends, Jamie, asked. The guy seemed pretty serious and sober of the way he act, but he had that funny little glimpse in his eyes that told me that wasn't entirely true.

"Yeah, sure. Is it how far from the campus?" Matt replied before I even got my mouth open. I didn't mind, though, because I wanted to go. Getting wasted wasn't that interesting idea, for my reasoning became pretty low when I was drunk, but without any better plans it seemed like the best option. I wasn't going to spend the Friday night on my blunt room staring at walls.

"It's close, don't worry. We're gonna walk there" Linda said. She was sitting next to Matt, going through photos on her fancy camera, which I had learned to avoid looking at directly. She had mastered taking pics without other's noticing, so it was better just turn your head away or you'll get a dozen photos of you in her next project.

"That's not really wise. Half of us will be drunk by the midnight, and it wouldn't be too good for smashed teenagers wandering around the city at night." I threw in.

"I have a car…" the ginger next to Jamie, Elliot, said. He looked thoughtful as he continued. "But I want to drink…damnit."

At this point the two other guys, Chris and Ben, got into the argument who should be the designated driver. And at that point I stopped listening. I had no driving license, so the debate didn't affect me. Not that I couldn't drive if I wanted to, I just had no interest in it.

I silently let my gaze wander. It was funny, how easily things could be noted if people just stopped and thought of it for a moment. I noticed how Matt leered at Linda time to time, but the girl didn't seem to notice. It was a bit surprise to me that Linda wanted to hang out with us. We weren't actually the nicest sort of people, which she definitely was. She was an artist, I had seen her drawing and photographing, and even though I didn't want to get in her pictures, I couldn't deny how great they were. She had something oddly familiar in her, but I didn't give it another thought. Some people just looked familiar, maybe she had a celebrity look-a-like or something. Now the girl was making her long brown hair into a messy bun, still not having any idea of the obviously crushed guy next to her.

I wasn't actually worried about Matt, because he was great in this kind of stuff. He'd probably come up with some kind of a genius idea soon, so I shifted my gaze back to the boys who were still arguing. It was quite obvious that the nicest guy would be pushed over, and with little hint of compassion to Chris, I turned my look yet again away.

Just in time to witness almost imperceptible scene. It was the first time I saw the pale figure on cafeteria, though he wasn't sitting on a table, nor was he eating anything. He had perhaps just come to pick up the bottle of water he held in his hand. He hadn't noticed me, and for the first time I was the one who got to observe. He was clearly heading out of the hall.

Unfortunately for him, he wasn't quick enough. Across him came two big thugs, and before he even had time to realize, the guys had pulled his white shirt over his head. They had lifted it by the tail so he was momentarily blinded, because it of course got stuck in his head. While the white-haired guy struggled to get the shirt back on, the guys moved on laughing.

I got my eyes stuck on his naked upper body. I hadn't even thought about it earlier (why would I have?), but he wasn't nearly as scrawny as I would have thought him to be. He was slender, certainly, but not in scraggy way. He was more like…lithe-looking, and his skin looked smooth. After that thought I had to mentally kick myself, but I wasn't lying. His chest was pale and plain like porcelain. The lower stomach looked exactly as white as the upper part of it and his visible hip bones revealed his minor eating. And his jeans were hanging a bit too low…

After that I had to continue mentally kicking myself. He was still struggling with the shirt, and people around him started to notice and giggle at the sight. That's what drew Linda's attention.

"Oh my god, Near, are you alright?" she exclaimed. _Near. _That was the guy's name? It kinda suited him. In ironic way of course, because that guy probably wasn't near to anybody, physically or emotionally. Our whole table was now watching as the boy finally got a grip on the blouse, and he calmly put it back down. I tried to ignore the little disappointment in the back of my mind, and stayed quiet as I kept looking. The expression was as cool as always as he turned his gray eyes to Linda, and I couldn't do nothing but wonder where the hell he got so much self-control, or didn't he just care?

"I am fine, Linda." he said in polite tone. Gray eyes browsed through our table. And then he spotted me.

Light blush painted his face with rosy colour. He lifted one hand and touched his reddened face, as if it was new sensation that had taken him by surprise. Quickly he got his control back, and the face got blank again, though the colour stayed. Without a word he left the cafeteria.

"Wow, that must have been embarrassing. Did you see how flushed he was?" Ben marveled.

_Yeah, after he saw me._ I had clearly seen him being all serene and placid as he always was, before he had seen me. No, I was being paranoid again. He probably just realized the embarrassment of the situation, and the blush just came a bit too late.

"So you know him, eh?" Matt asked Linda, using the opportunity to get her attention.

"yeah…he's with me in biology" she replied, worried gaze on the entrance where Near had disappeared.

"What's he's like?" Matt continued. Everyone was following the conversation quietly. Apparently I wasn't the only one who got curious.

Linda thought about the question for a moment, before answering.

"…I don't know him that well. He's really smart, that I can tell, because the only times I talk to him is when I don't get something the teacher says, and he explains it to me."

Matt made an amazed expression. "_You _don't get something that teacher says? Come on, Linda, you're damn clever yourself" he boosted.

I knew that Matt wasn't just cajoling her, because she _was _smart. I was a bit suspicious too. The brunette just smiled at Matt and shrugged.

"I know, but he never talks to anyone, so I thought that maybe it was hard to him to make friends. I try to talk with him, and he always politely answers, but that's it. When I stop, he stops. It's kinda like he doesn't care one way or another."

"Jeez, you're so nice." Matt admired.

The topic changed quickly after that, and I lost my interest once again. Honestly, all I could think after was that white-haired guy and his damn pale chest. It's not that I was interested in him in _that _way. Because I wasn't. I never really had any sort of interest in anyone romantically. He was just…fascinating. His _personality _was fascinating. Plus it's perfectly normal to appreciate human biology. So I had nothing to be ashamed of as I kept thinking the figure of him tussling with his clothing….


	2. Savior

I got my mind in control by the next day. Obtrusive image of Near's slender figure had popped in my head several times after the lunch, but after sleeping it had been pretty easy to wipe it out of my mind. I wasn't even thinking about the whole scene as I seated next to Ben in English class.

Matt had biology at the time, but I didn't mind spending time with Ben. It is kinda unnecessary to say that he was a smart guy too, because I really can't stand stupid people. But he was in intelligent in pretty extreme way. Unlike Matt, who had bad grades because of his lack of diligence and interest, Ben was the type that only wanted to mess with teachers. I would describe him with the word 'chaotic'. Though, at the moment he seemed more like obsessive than chaotic.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked, my gaze turning to his lap which he scrubbed with some kind of a napkin.

"I had spilled strawberry jam on my shirt, and noticed it just now" he answered, as he kept scouring now discernible stain. Right, I forgot to mention. He had this weird thing to jam. And cleaning.

"You know what that looks like to others, right?" I couldn't help but glance around. Few people were giving him looks.

"Oh, I know" he grinned mischievously at his lap, enjoying the perplexity he caused in people. I couldn't help but give a small laugh. After becoming friends with these guys, my weeks as a freshman had turned a lot more fun.

"Teacher is looking this way" I commented "and she's pretty red, you know"

"Should we test how long it takes before she passes out?" came the wicked answer.

Unfortunately we never knew, because the teacher's attention moved to the door. I had never thought about it before, but I realized that Near was never late on the lectures. When I arrived the class, he was always already sitting on his place, casually browsing through some papers, probably notes from previous lessons. But now he was in front of the class, apologizing the teacher for being late. The teacher was luckily one of the rare people who didn't mind that sort of things. Soon the albino settled down on his usual place, two benches behind Ben.

"I quit. It doesn't vanish" Ben sighed next to me and stopped the cleaning attempt. I glanced at his lap. The red blotch hadn't got even lighter.

I couldn't respond anything, because the teacher started lecturing. Silently I tolerated the frustrating feeling, that _somebody_ had his ridiculously big gray eyes on me. But this time I didn't even bother to check if he was actually doing it. Paranoid or not, I had some serious problems.

.

.

After fifty painful minutes the torment was finally over. Teacher had to change a few words with Ben, for he had accidentally dropped an open inkwell in the neck of the student in front of him. I don't know why the hell he had an inkwell in the class, or why it was open. But I am pretty sure it wasn't an accident.

Anyway, I promised to wait for him outside the door. I leaned on the wall next to the doorway, as people passed me on the corridor. I had no rush, because it was lunchtime again and Matt was probably somewhere smoking.

It didn't take long, when the last one of the students came out, shutting the door behind him and leaving Ben to listen dressing-down from the teacher. Near passed me without noticing, gaze on his hands. He was solving a Rubik's cube, walking at the same time. It was funny how he never noted my presence outside the classroom. I was almost invisible. And I soon got to know that the yesterday's harassment wasn't one-off.

When three big douchebags encircled him, I realized that the bullying must have been regular. Near didn't look surprised, as he halted and lifted his gaze from the play. I couldn't hear what the toughies said, but I guessed it wasn't anything flattering. One of them jostled the boy, but his balance worked well and he didn't fall. I didn't know how to react. Part of me wanted to help, because of the tired expression on Near's face, but the intelligent part of me said that it would be stupid.

I knew martial arts, and I was sure I could have taken one of them easily, two of them so-so, but three? I wasn't suicidal. I could only watch with a uncomfortable feeling in my chest. One of them asked something from Near, and the boy answered with a condescending expression, what I immediately noted was a false move. But when the biggest guy caught the boy by the collar and lifted his hand for the strike, I had to intervene.

"Hey!" I shouted, and four pair of eyes turned to me. I walked towards them with my eyes burning furiously. I had learned that look ages ago, and usually it managed to scare most people shitless. Thank god it at least stirred them, because the biggest douche let his hand fall of Near's shirt. I almost laughed, when I noticed that the most taken aback expression was on the white-haired boy's face.

"W-wh-what-?" one of them stammered, but I kept ignoring them, just grabbed a hold on Near's arms and turned around.

"Hey-!" the biggest got his speech back and looked at me now with a mix of anger and bewilderment in his eyes. I stopped and threw him a damn murderous look. I knew it was bad, because he flinched backwards.

"What?" I spat, tightening my grip on the boy.

"We- we had situation going on here!" the guy tried. I just narrowed my eyes, enjoying the view of three guys nervously leaning back, as if that would help them get away from my dreadful glare.

"You can kick his ass later, I need to deal with him now." and when I had said that, I continued walking forward, ignoring them totally. I was relieved as I felt the boy behind me following without protesting.

I didn't stop walking until I heard the guys muttering something like 'crazy son of a bitch' as they disappeared behind the corner. I suddenly realized that my hand was still in his arms, and the grip was pretty tight, so I instantly let go and turned to face him.

"You ok?" I asked, leaning my back against the wall again. I let my eyes scan him from head to toe. He looked absolutely normal, not at all frightened or confused, just a bit surprised. The top four buttons of his shirt had opened, and he fastened them as he answered.

"I am. Thank you"

It was hard to say if he was serious by his tone, but when he met my eyes, I noticed a bit of delight in them.

"No problem. So they're harassing you often, eh?" I asked, suddenly getting curious. I had never thought that I would actually talk to that weird albino, but now that he was there, why wouldn't I have taken the advantage?

"Rather seldom, actually. You have a great timing." he said, almost jesting.

I smirked, deciding I had to act a little.

"So, whose ass I got the honor to save?" I asked, raising one eyebrow. I liked it how he narrowed his eyes just a little, as if he tried to sort out some kind of hidden agendas behind the question. The guy obviously had too little experience of social interaction.

"Near. You can call me Near" he finally said, after deciding it was safe to tell his name. "What is your name, then?"

I was silent for a moment before answering "Mello."

He tilted his white-haired head, making the locks waver in funny way.

"Mello, as in mellow without 'w'?" he queried.

"Yeah. Near, as in opposite of far, am I right?" I replied, smiling smugly.

I thought it was amusing, how he looked at me for a moment, estimating my words. There was something so interesting in him that I couldn't help myself but to enjoy the conversation.

"You are rather cheeky type, don't you think?" he said, corner of his mouth twitching a bit. I would have probably said something sardonic in reply, but I suddenly noticed how his hands moved around something.

He was still doing the Rubik's cube. It took few seconds before he was ready, and the colours were on the right sides.

"Impressive" I uttered, picking my gaze from his hands to his face "You did that while talking and walking?"

He looked like he wasn't sure how to react to the praise. I was indeed impressed. I had known he was smart in some way, but that was brilliant. The cube had been a mess when he stepped out of the class, and he had done it while being harassed and talking with me. Jeez.

Near was saved from answering, when Ben's messy black hair showed up from the doorway behind us.

"Aaaaand say goodbye to my points. Do you think I-" the guy noticed Near in front of me, and raised his eyebrows. "Sorry, did I interrupt something?"

"No" I assured, then turned back to Near. "Are you going to lunch?"

I couldn't help but grin. The tone in my voice wasn't asking, it was more like 'we are going to cafeteria, and you are coming with us if you have any manners'. I had just saved the guy, right? He would have to tell me how he did that cube-thing. And, though I didn't quite admit it to myself, I might wanted to spend a little more time with.

The albino obviously got the tone and the hidden message behind it, because he nodded slowly. The look in his eyes was more like defeated than pleased.

"Great, you can join us" Ben smiled.

"Oh, this is Ben, by the way" I remembered suddenly. "Ben, this is Near."

The black-haired dude frowned at me.

"It's Beyond" he turned to Near, as in ensuring the fact "Beyond Birthday"

It seemed like Near froze at the name, but then I blinked and he was just normal, not stiffened, and he nodded politely. I probably had just imagined it, like I nowadays did all the time.

"I still refuse to believe it's your real name. Ben makes more sense. But enough of that, I'm hungry" I spoke. The three of us headed to the cafeteria, Ben telling all about the harangue the teacher had kept.

.

.

"_How _many times exactly?" Matt sounded disbelieving.

"I lost track when it went over hundred." Near answered, little smile tugging on the corner of his lips.

"What the hell? Well then, how long would it take you to do it right now, if i'd mess it for you?"

Near shrugged. "Five minutes at most, I think, half a minute at least"

Matt snatched the cube out of Near's slim fingers and started to mix it again from the beautiful order it had been. I was oddly relieved how easily my friends had accepted Near's attendance. Well, I didn't actually know how Chris and Jamie would react, because they had already eaten when we came, but Linda, Matt and Ben hadn't even asked why the hell he even was with us. I felt kinda strange when I sat there surrounded with those people. It felt so familiar and homelike, even though I had known these persons only for like a month.

"Here, I'll take time" Matt reached the cube back to Near, who set his fingers around it to be ready. "Okay…one, two, three, GO!"

Matt took time with his phone's stopwatch, as Near started to solve the game. The fingers looked like white spider legs, for he moved them so damn quickly. Soon the cube had the right colours in all the sides, and Matt stopped the timer.

"…one minute and four seconds. What the fuck?" Matt stared at the phone in disbelief, as Linda and Ben started to laugh. I smirked too, partly because Ben's laugh sounded so manic.

"Take account of the fact that I have really done it over hundred times. You could do it that easily too if you'd just practiced" Near pointed out.

"You're overestimating Matt" I interjected.

"Hey!" Matt groaned.

"Mello's kidding, of course you could do it" Linda said and smiled warmly at Matt, which probably saved me from getting to hear twenty new diabetes-jokes. Thank goodness he took the bait and started talking to Linda.

I turned back to Near, who was already monitoring me. I felt a stupid hunch in my lower stomach when his eyes caught mine. Why was I reacting like that? It must had been something on the food that made me feel so.

"Aren't you going to eat anything?" I asked him, moving my gaze to the half-empty water bottle and apple, which wasn't touched.

He pouted his lips a little. "I haven't been really hungry lately."

It would have been against my nature _not _to get curious.

"Why's so?"

I saw it in his eyes that he got uncomfortable, and I cursed in my mind. I didn't want him to make an excuse and get away, so I quickly lifted my chocolate.

"Would chocolate do?" I asked.

Certain look flashed in Near's eyes, and I suddenly remembered the weird way he had acted the first time I had eaten chocolate in front of him. The look in his face was almost sick.

"…Are you okay? Don't you like chocolate?" I tried to curb my voice, but I was so damn confused. Why the heck was he acting so weirdly?

Near lowered his eyes on the table before answering. "…no, I do like chocolate. I just…well, it feels somehow weird that you're so nice to me…"

I think I stared at him longer than it was natural, but the answer just stumped me. Had he thought that I was some rude-ass bitch who treated people like garbage? Well, I did that, but it still felt unpleasant. Was it because I wore generally only black, that people seemed to think me as a toughie? Not that I wasn't one, but still… I_ had _just saved him from some thugs…

Near noticed my staring, and probably how offended I was, because he quickly corrected himself. "I think I phrased that wrong. I meant that people are generally not really nice to me."

I sensed the lie behind the words. He had meant me, definitely. But I also sensed that his reason wasn't my dressing style or even my behavior towards others. Near had said it like I wouldn't be nice to _him_ in particular. But why would he think so? I really wasn't that dickheaded. And other thing I was sure about, was that that wasn't the only reason he had looked at my chocolate with the weird expression.

"Yeah, right…." I muttered as I bit a piece of chocolate in my mouth. The cracking noise made him turn his gaze away again.

I watched as he lifted his hand and started curling a lock of the soft-looking platinum hair around his long, slim fingers. And immediately I felt so strong rush of familiarity, that I got shivers. My vision was starting to blur again, but I blinked rapidly my eyes, not wanting to pass out or what the hell was even happening. The sight was starting to clear, but I felt growing pain in my head, almost as if I had thought or a memory behind a wall, but it couldn't get through.

And suddenly it stopped. My vision sharpened and the pain vanished. I glanced around if someone had seen anything, but they were focusing on their own conversations.

"Mello" Near said quietly, and I lifted my gaze back to meet his concerned look. "Are you alright?"

He had seen? I felt myself going defensive, and I put my arms in akimbo as I answered.

"Why wouldn't I be?" for my surprise, my voice came out colder than I intended. My irritation disappeared straight off, as I saw Near's face. The look in his eyes told me that that was the behavior he had expected from me, for some unknown reason.

"I should leave" he was starting to get up, but I grabbed his hand before he got away.

"No…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound such a cunt. I have a headache." I quickly made an excuse for being a dick the guy had known me to be. But it was all that stupid feeling's fault...

Near's hard expression softened, and he sat back on his bench.

"You should take a painkiller" he advised, but then continued "though that might slower your reasoning. Drugs tend to do that."

Okay, I tried to be a nicer, but I couldn't help myself from smirking and asking "so you have an experience with that kind of stuff?"

Near didn't seem a bit irritated, though. He just shook his head and led his hand again to his hair. The sudden feeling came back, this time just weaker. But at the moment, I was pretty positive that I had seen him before.

"Where did you study before?" I asked, trying to find out if we had been in the same school younger, but we weren't. Actually, his schools were at the other side of the whole town. So it wasn't that. At this point, I knew the feeling was something I should just ignore. In the other hand, I didn't mind talking with the albino. He had something _really _compelling in him.

"So, did any of your pals from high school come here to study?" I asked, then mentally kicked myself. My mind had become pretty violent nowadays because of my thoughtlessness.

Near didn't seem to mind. He raised his eyebrows at me and answered "Isn't it rather obvious that my abilities in that area are incomplete?"

I shrugged. Now that he had said it aloud, I didn't think it was quite as he thought it was. He made it sound like he had no social skills, or that he didn't want anyone around him. But he seemed somewhat relaxed with us on the table, and I couldn't help but think that maybe the poor guy had been lonely his whole life.

"Well, you can always advance that kind of stuff. For example, you have chance to do that on Friday. We are going to a party"

Near looked a little uncomfortable, but that made me just want him with us even more. I doubted he had ever been in any kind of party. Or done anything fun. Actually, I thought he might have just spent time sitting on his room and solving Rubik's cubes or some other crap.

"A party?" he muttered.

"Yeah, party. Music, people, alcohol. You're gonna hate it." I said with huge grin on my face.

He frowned at me. "Alcohol? I have never been drunk…"

"Well, on Friday you're going to get wasted" my smile widened even more as Near sighed.

"I don't want to"

"Sure you do. No, wait…" I remembered something "Can you drive?"

He was long silent before answering "No"

"Yeah, you're so going to get drunk." I didn't know what made me so eager to get him into the party, for fuck's sake I had talked with him first time today. But still I couldn't help myself…

"Fine. I will come to the party, but I won't promise to drink" he finally consented.

I was truly happy about it. I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me, but I knew I liked this guy. And I wanted to be his friend, no matter how weird he acted sometimes.

"Is it easier to make friends when you're drunk?" he said suddenly.

I raised my eyebrows at him, eyeing his pale, petite figure. Maybe he wasn't so reluctant to the idea as he seemed.

"I think you're doing just fine sober" I replied.

He lifted his eyes on me cautiously. For a moment he just stared, and then I owned the first genuine smile I ever saw on that face.

.

.

I went to Matt's room overnight again. As I said earlier, Matt's room is cozy and kinda peaceful. And I felt like I needed his carefree attitude after talking with Near. Now afterwards I noticed how tensed I had been for some reason. The guy had been just as interesting as I thought him to be, so I didn't quite know the reason for my nervousness.

I was lying on my alternative bed as known as Matt's sinking couch. The guy was in his own bed, playing some sort of war game on his phone. I didn't know how the hell that was even possible, but then again, I didn't care.

"Goddamnit, Matt, do you always have to play?" I grouched, switching my side to see him. He was lying on his back, hands above his head, holding the phone which made sharp sounds of machine-gun. "Don't your arms hurt?" I continued, growling at him.

"Oh, so you want attention" Matt grinned, but didn't but the phone away. I stretched my leg and kicked him on the side, making him yelp.

"Gee, how violent" he sniggered, but this time he however put the game away and turned to me. "Shouldn't you go to sleep already? I think it's over midnight and you're a bit cranky when your beauty sleep isn't long enough"

It was Matt's fortune, that he had learned to dodge my kicks and punches like a pro. I owned just a new chuckle instead of pained 'ow'.

"No, but seriously, why're you so uptight?" he got suddenly serious "I thought you'd be happy"

I frowned. "Why would I be happy?"

He rolled his green eyes like it would be obvious.

"Because you got us new mate in our high-cultured posh group" he grinned at me. The smile was annoyingly quizzical, as if he knew something I didn't, and that irritated me like hell.

"High-cultured posh group my ass" I muttered. We we're punch of too smart hooligans.

"But really, don't you think it's cool?" he said, his smile turning more cheerful "You can finally talk with someone on same level with you"

"Same level?"

Matt clearly resisted the urge to roll his eyes at me again.

"I know we're sometimes too slow for you, Mels. He isn't. I mean, I dropped out completely when you guys started to discuss about that murder case stuff"

Right. The topic had just emerged from somewhere, and we talked like half an hour about the murderer, his motives, act's, different possibilities of changing the acts so he wouldn't have gotten caught, and the ways we would have done it better. We had to stop it when Linda started to give us weird looks.

"Why would you drop out? It was just easy reasoning" I asked, staring at Matt like idiot. Which he definitely wasn't, because I couldn't stand stupid people.

"It _was_ easy reasoning, before you somehow mixed physics and mathematics in it. Plus, you guys deduced pretty damn fast. Though I think Ben would have kept up, but he didn't care"

"Oh….yeah, but Ben's line of thought is too incomprehensible even for me…" I muttered. I was starting to get pretty tired, drowsing on the sofa comfortably.

"He liked you" Matt said suddenly.

"Huh?" I noticed my face heating, although I had nothing to blush for. Matt surely meant it in the platonic way.

"Well, Mels, _this _is easy reasoning. Linda said that Near doesn't like to talk that much, he just politely answers questions but doesn't continue the conversation. Linda too noticed how he now actually discussed with you, and that was the first time Linda had heard him talk so much. Therefore, he thinks you're interesting enough to have a conversation with"

"Yeah, whatever" I bumbled, not actually knowing how to react. I decided to tease Matt a little, and rised my eyebrows at him in impish way. "Aren't you a little worried that he supplants you as my best friend?"

But Matt's face was even more mischievous as he grinned knowingly and answered "not a bit."

I narrowed my eyes at him. If Matt had that kind of smirk in his face, it never meant any good.

"Why? Don't you think we're going to be close?" I asked.

"Oh, I do," the grin widened "but he won't be your best friend."

I sighed. "I don't get you"

"That's fine, because I get you" he smiled. I turned my side, tiredness finally overtaking my body.

"Goodnight, Matt" I mumbled.

"Goodnight, sweetcheeks"

I was the last to grin, as I heard the yelp that Matt let out as my leg hit his thigh.

.

.

_I was sitting on a couch, scanning the notebook. I had finally caught it, finally getting results for my work. I was ahead of Near and in front of me was the ensuring that he'd stay there, behind me. A list of names in SPK. They were all dead now… _

My eyes flew open. At first I saw nothing, my eyes searching for something to focus on, my heart bouncing against my chest and my whole body trembling for the nightmare. It had felt so real….my hands, covered with black gloves, touching something that had killed hundreds….

I started to distinguish shapes and shadows. Matt's room. Of course, I was in Matt's room, safe. It had been a nightmare. My tremor eased a little, but anxiety stayed. The feelings were so strong in the dream. The triumph, and still, the anger and worry that I had held inside...the hatred against Near.

Why would I dream such things? What was wrong with me? I didn't even know him well. Was it just my subconscious trying to tell me to stay away from him? But why?

I breathed deeply. I had to get my sense of reality back. For a moment I just respired, trying to clear my thoughts. It was just a dream and I had nothing to be feared of. I picked my cellphone from Matt's bedside table and checked the time. It was half six at morning. I didn't want to sleep anymore, and I didn't want to wake Matt up, so I got out of the bed and did what I knew was best. I went to get us coffee.


	3. Party animals

The next days Near spent more time with us. He didn't come to lunch, though, but we saw him at breaks and after school. I don't really know how, but it kinda just happened. When I saw Near on corridors or in lectures, I went to talk to him. He didn't seem to mind…in fact it was quite the opposite. He seemed to almost enjoy my company, that's what I understood for the little brighter look in his eyes when he saw me.

Few times we stayed quiet and I just followed his doings. It felt like everything he did was interesting. I started to notice little details in his doings; the way he almost automatically lifted his fingers to twirl the white locks when he thought something, the way he furrowed his brows just a bit when he thought even harder, and the way his whole face eased off as he found the solution. When he noticed, his gray eyes caught mine in questioning look, but I just lifted my eyebrow back at him. He did it at lectures, so I would do it other times.

But I still felt him being a bit reserved. He didn't mind when we went to him, but he never came to us on his own. Except on Friday. Well, Friday was an exception on many other ways too.

.

.

I woke up covered in sweat. My heart was beating so fast and loud, that it was probably danger to my health. I had had another nightmare, but this time it had felt a lot worse. The scene had been more blurred and tangled, but the feelings were stronger. I had stood in front of desk, old man sitting behind it. Near had been there too. I didn't remember what he had said, but I still felt the feelings, deep and fierce. So much anger, sadness, confusion...

It was mentally painful to calm myself, and I hardly managed to do it. The thing with me was that I couldn't control my emotions. Most of my actions were impulsive and led by sentiments, which wasn't quite admirable. But I couldn't help myself. When I finally got the hold of myself again, I turned to my phone. And my mouth fell open.

It was over eleven in the morning. I had slept over three lectures. Why the heck hadn't that shitty alarm clock woken me up? Furiously cursing I started to browse hundred text messages my pals had sent me.

**From: Matt**

**dude where are you? **

**From: Matt**

**Are you sleeping?**

**From: Matt**

**In that case, take your time. I bet mr. Williamson's happy to take points from you for cutting out**

Fuck you, Matt. Fuck you. It wasn't like I really had to be there to learn, but the teacher definitely took a pleasure out of punishing me.

Now cursing out loud, I moved to the next messages, sent an hour ago.

**From: Jamie**

**If you're not sleeping, please text back. We're sorta worried**

**From: Jamie**

**Matt asked if he could have your iPad if you're dying right now from sugar overdose**

**From: Jamie**

**He said it's not too late yet**

**From: Jamie**

**If you're really dying right now, please call emergency rather than Matt.**

Seriously? I am three hours off and these guys are losing their shit? I still had to read about ten messages from Matt, one from Ben in which he just asked me permission to strangle Matt, and one from Linda, who asked if everything was okay.

Annoyed, I started to type reply.

**To: more than one**

**chill the fuck out, I'm fine. I just oversl-**

Someone knocked on the door. With a loud sigh I dropped the phone on the bed, climbing out of it and heading to the entry. Matt had probably come to check if I was alive and awake, since my texting wasn't fast enough. It was lunchtime, I suddenly remembered. Yeah, thank god, I would still make it to the next four lectures. Hooray!

When opening the door, I didn't expect the one who stood behind it. Despite the fact that I had spent plenty of time with Near last few days, I was still surprised he would note my absence. But there he was, standing all expressionless in his light gray jeans and white blouse.

I suddenly came little too aware of the fact that I was wearing only black pajama pants. And my hair must've been a mess.

"Near?" my voice was hoarse from the sleeping, but I was glad that I still could talk. Thank god i almost never blushed, because at the moment I felt like I could. Which was stupid. Whatever, so I was half-naked in front of Near? Week ago it was vice versa.

"Mello." he said, voice completely in control, gray eyes looking straight at my blue ones. My stupid shame of being topless vanished as it turned into a curiosity, when I saw the dark shadows under Near's eyes. Had the night been restless to him too?

"You weren't at math lesson today." he stated, looking at me searchingly. It was almost pointless to say it out loud, as I knew he had reasoned it out by himself from the moment I opened the door, but I still said it.

"I overslept." I turned back to my room, leaving the door open for him to choose if he wanted to come in or stay out. He stood still for a moment, before stepping in.

I left to my closet and searched for a clean shirt, as Near looked around.

"How did you know where my room was?" I asked over my shoulder, while tossing jeans and boxers out of the way. I wasn't the cleanest type, and my clothes were mainly black, so I had hellish time to try and find certain clothes in rush.

"Matt told me. I asked the reason why you weren't in the lecture, and he said that you were probably sleeping" he explained. The silent steps moved to my desk, and I imagined the gray eyes noting every little detail that my room had to offer to him.

"Did you ask him why didn't he come by himself?" finally I found a black sweater, and was about to put it on, but noticed it had a dark stain on the sleeve that looked suspiciously like strawberry jam. Cursing Ben in my mind I shoved it back to the closet.

"He said he didn't want to interrupt you in case you weren't asleep." Near responded.

I frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

I tucked my head deeper on the closet and now just dragged the clothes out of it, trying to spot something to cover my upper body. I was getting cold.

"Well, he didn't phrase it fully that way. I think it was something like 'in case he's shagging someone'."

What? Goddamnit, Matt! He should thank his stars that I wasn't there when he said that, or he'd be dead. I couldn't figure out why he would say something like that, when I got interested in someone so rarely. And why the hell would he tell that to Near?

"Yeah, right." I muttered, as I pulled my head out of the wardrobe. I couldn't find anything there, and I really just wanted to get some clothes on. I turned back to the albino, and found him looking at my pile of textbooks and scattered papers. As is said, my room wasn't the cleanest sort. Clothes and books were everywhere, and around the desk were far too many screwed-up papers. Near didn't seem to mind, and I forgot to care when my eyes spotted a black t-shirt behind him, on the back of the chair.

"Why did you want to see me, anyway?" I asked before starting to walk towards him. White-haired head seemed to be in thoughts, because the answering took a little longer than it usually did.

"Just...wanted to wake you for the next lessons." _wow, how terrible liar._

I was behind Near, about to lean closer and catch the shirt, but then I realized few things at the same time. First of all, the white-haired guy hadn't heard me coming. Second, he was turning around to look at me, but I was damn much closer than I should've been. I was trying to get the shirt, okay? I thought he knew I was behind him. Obviously not.

Because in the next moment he was facing me, and when I say 'facing', I mean our faces were like five inches away from each other. And I was leaning over him, my hand somewhere in his back, gripping the shirt.

His eyes widened a little, and I saw every little tinge of gray they had inside. I noticed how long his white eyelashes were and how they made shadows on his pale cheekbones. The shades under his lower lids looked lavender. And his lips were parted, and they looked so pale and soft...my mind did an idiotic trick to me, suddenly wanting me to press my own lips against his. Near hadn't backed away. He just looked at me, god knows what went through his mind.

It had lasted only two seconds, when I jerked back. It wasn't that bad, was it? I lifted the shirt, as if wanting to explain the movement. I had no words to explain it otherwise. But Near seemed to understand, because he looked absolutely undisturbed.

"I should leave you to dress" he bypassed me as I put the shirt on. I couldn't help but notice, how he kept a good distance between us, like I could have just attacked him any moment. Gosh, had it been that awkward situation to him?

"Hey" suddenly something popped into my mind. I turned around to see him stopping at the doorway. "aren't you excited? about the party tonight" I grinned.

Near looked at me with the most non-excited face I had ever seen.

"Yeah…"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Be ready at nine"

"Why does that sound more like a threat than suggestion?" he tilted his head.

"Pick either one, you are still coming" I don't know why, but I really wanted him there. He was already starting to feel like a friend.

He sighed. "There's probably no way I could get away with this?"

"Absolutely no way" I assured.

Another sigh.

"Fine. I'll see you at nine."

When the white shirt disappeared around the corner, I couldn't help but smile. I was so going to get that kid drunk.

.

.

The day passed quickly. There was no time to get bored, because Chris and I had to keep Matt and Ben away from each other in chemistry class. We didn't know how much destruction those two would have done together, and we didn't care to find out. After those classes, I had time to ask Chris to do me a favor. The dreams had troubled me, and I felt a bit anxious every time I thought about sleeping. I didn't want to feel those emotions again. So I turned to Chris and asked him to get me sleeping pills that would help me to get dreamless sleep. Of course he said yes, and didn't even ask why i'd need them. That's why I chose to ask him. Matt and Linda would have asked questions, Ben would have probably given me few other drugs as well and neither Jamie or Elliot knew the right people. Chris told me he would get them by tomorrow.

After school, Matt and I ensured Near's presence at the party by stalking him around the campus, not letting him hide before it was too late. I found it kinda funny how he showed no reaction, even when we made it into a game and made it look so obvious, that other people started to ask him if he knew he had two stalkers. He just nodded at the commenters and continued doing whatever he did. Puzzles, I guess. We had to stop at some point nonetheless, because one teacher saw us with the binoculars and didn't believe when we explained we were bird watchers ("There's no birds indoors, you punks!"). The game ended, so we just had to hope that Near wouldn't chicken out.

.

.

At nine o'clock exactly we got to know that he didn't chicken out. Near showed up at the right time, looking nothing but his calm self. I thought he would have been a bit uncomfortable or nervous, but he looked absolutely ordinary and maybe a bit bored. Well, that's what he looked _before _we had to stuff six people into one passenger car. Even though Linda and Jamie decided to walk, it was still too crowded. And illegal. Matt and Ben had somehow managed to get the side seats, so I was squeezed between now uncomfortable-looking Near and really convivial Matt.

When we got there, the party had already begun. Big town house was full of youth, talking, having fun and dancing to the beat of too loud music. I didn't actually even know whose house it was, but it didn't matter. Everybody seemed to have a good time. When we walked through the rooms, the group slowly dwindled, leaving behind only Matt, Near and I. The albino followed us closely, probably afraid of losing us among the people. It wouldn't have been too hard.

"So…" I called to Near over the music, dodging two seemingly drunk girls "you want to be in the middle of the party or get somewhere quieter?"

"Quieter, please" I hardly heard his voice.

I headed further from the direction where the music was loudest, and finally we got into some kind of living room. The noise wasn't as bad as it was everywhere else, and you didn't have to yell anymore to get your voice heard. Plus, there was a table full of pizzas, beer and cider. Near and Matt followed me to the spare couch, in which we all sat.

Next twenty minutes the albino looked utterly bored. Matt and I tried to get him to drink something, but he refused firmly after seeing drunken people being senseless. Most of the guests weren't even drunk, just a bit tipsy, but I think Near wasn't very fond of the idea of doing absurdities (or having fun).

At some point Matt got tired and left to find Ben, who definitely knew how to make party immemorial. And not always in the good way. I wasn't even close of being bored. I liked challenges.

"Are you really not going to drink anything?" I asked, shaking my punch glass. That was about the amount I was going to drink that night, for I didn't want to lose a single moment of watching drunken Near. I was still pretty sure I'd get him to drink.

His gray eyes glanced the glass and then met my own look. "No."

"What about the thing about making friends?" I asked and sipped my drink. The funny, effervescent feeling was starting to grow in my stomach.

"I thought I was doing fine sober" he recalled my words, tilting his head. Now he didn't look actually bored, but he wasn't excited at all. I think the noise annoyed him a bit.

He sighed. "Is it impossible to have a good time at parties if you're not under the influence?"

"No" I replied, bringing my right leg up at the sofa so I could repose on it "but it helps. Everything is kinda funnier that way. But no, it's not really that necessary."

He was silent for a moment. Then he simply answered "I see".

I stared at him for a moment, going through thoughts in my mind. What was the whole point of bringing him here if didn't even _try_ to have fun? I was able to read his reflections through the way he looked around, lips a little pouted and fingers twirling a platinum tress.

But, as a man with a clever and reckless mind, I came up with a plan.

"Well, shouldn't you still at least try to enjoy yourself?" I smiled at him innocently, putting up an act "You know, talk with people, eat, dance?"

He didn't seem suspicious when he turned back to me. "I can't dance, and I doubt that I would enjoy talking to a drunken person. And I am definitely not hungry"

I shrugged, still smiling. "Oh, but you have nothing against drinking? Not alcohol, you made that pretty clear, but something with sugar. Coke, maybe?"

_Now _he looked suspicious. "You are going to steel my drink" he blamed, and with reason. I still acted innocent and lifted my eyebrows to him.

"Not punch? Fine, I'll go get us unopened cans of coke, okay? _Unopened. _No lacing, I promise" _At least I was a better liar than him._

With a sigh, he agreed. "Alright"

.

In the kitchen I found loads of untouched soft drinks. And Ben. The guy was fumbling something in his fingers, but I didn't really care to know what, because I didn't like to get involved in crimes. The kitchen was empty except from us, which wasn't that big of a surprise. All the food and alcohol was in the other rooms.

"Mello" Ben greeted as I passed him, grabbing few cokes from the worktop.

"Beyond" I saluted back.

I turned to the cabinets, trying to find a way to get to strain one of the drinks.

"What are you looking for?" Ben asked, not turning his gaze from his hands.

"Something to get Near's coke steeled" I answered, rummaging through the basic foodstuff.

"Oh, like a dispensing needle?" the guy suggested, his tone staying stable.

"Exactly"

"The upper locker on the left."

I followed his guides, and found the object where he said it to be. Month ago I would have asked how the hell did he knew that, but with the time I learned not to question him. The explanations were weirder than the whole guy.

"Great, thanks. You wouldn't happen to know where they keep their strong stuff?" I turned back to the guy.

"The top shelf behind you"

After finding a bottle of vodka, I did the thing and stuck the needle through the top, removing the coke and replacing it with alcohol. The hole left there by needle was hardly discernible.

"See you, Ben" I said cheerily as I left the room.

"Bye, Mello"

.

On my return, I tried to find Matt and ask if he wanted to join to watch Near's first drinking experience, but I couldn't find him. Although I saw a glimpse of familiar brown hair on the corner. It was Linda, snogging someone with a red hair. Had Matt gotten lucky? I abandoned the idea of dragging him with me, since he obviously had better things to do.

I found Near where I had left him, sitting in the exact same position, except now his face looked even more demented. I evaded dancing people as trying to get to the albino, who had spotted me and looked curiously as I tried not to drop the five cokes I carried. Four was laced, one was not.

"Here you go" I shoved one of the vodka-flavoured in his hand.

He looked at the drink suspiciously, as I jumped next to him. I opened my own drink, the one with no additives, and gulped a long sip. Near still didn't seem convinced.

"What took you so long?" he tilted his head in a way that was almost adorable. Not that I would care.

"I met Ben at the kitchen." I told the half-truth. "Are you seriously still thinking what I think you're thinking?"

He didn't answer, just glanced at the coke suspiciously. Then, he opened it and took a careful sip. The look in his face didn't change at all, but for a moment I was afraid he'd taste the difference. And then he sipped again. I smiled. He hadn't noticed.

"Great, isn't it?"

He frowned a little, but then nodded.

"I always thought it would be sweeter"

"Wait, you're saying you've never tasted it before?" I almost spilled my own drink out. Hadn't that kid ever done anything? But that would explain why he didn't taste the difference…

"It would be easier if you'd just assume I haven't done anything that seems normal to people this age" he answered, then sipped his drink again.

"Why's so?" I asked, watching merrily as the albino emptied the bottle sooner than I could ever had. His gray eyes had a dark gleam in them. The drinking was a little too fast, actually. He would have a freaking bad headache tomorrow.

"Please Mello, don't play stupid. I am not like the others" he said, tone getting a bit heavy.

I granted a new can in his hand, which he opened without really thinking.

"None of us is" I replied.

"That's not what I meant" he muttered. "It's just…"

I frowned. The white-haired guy looked almost sad as he hoisted the drink again. I didn't know he could have such an emotion in his face. The look gave me a strange pain in my chest.

"What is it?" I asked quietly.

Near was silent. The fingers had found their way to his hair again and the look in his eyes was the same he had when he was in deep thoughts. It was hard for me to not look at him. I was curious, wanted to know what was happening in that white-haired head of his. He looked so doleful..

"…nothing." he finally turned back to me "It's nothing."

The disappointment took over me, and I couldn't help but scowl. He was so good with controlling his talking and mind, that it was almost frustrating. And I knew prying wouldn't help.

With a sigh I changed the subject.

.

In next twenty minutes my cheerfulness returned. I started to notice how Near's cheeks reddened as he drank up the rest of the cans. He didn't look bored anymore, his voice started to get louder, and his speech wasn't as formal as usually. He looked much more relaxed and lively. It seemed like my plan had come true, and that felt awesome. The greatest point was when he giggled the first time.

He actually _giggled._ He never laughed, and rarely smiled, but now I heard an actual snigger coming out of his mouth. I didn't know how we ended up talking about it, but I was telling him about Matt's car theft. Or borrowing, as he called it.

When I got to the point where the furious teacher noticed the car in the parking lot, Near shook his head and made a tiny laugh, sounding horribly cute. I just stared at him for a while, wondering if I really had heard right.

"Did you just…laugh?" I asked, when the albino stopped the giggling and turned back to me.

"Your story is funny" he explained.

Sudden thought occurred my mind, and I realized that I could take real advantage out of the situation. Yeah, sure, I had wanted Near to have a good time. But I wanted to have a fun party too. So I tested if he was already in the state where he wouldn't really think that much about his words…

"Hey Near, what do you think about Matt?" the question was a bit direct, but it didn't really matter. My smile widened when Near didn't stay to think about the answer or the motives behind my asking.

"I like him. His amusing" he responded, and then continued, "but I don't think he really considers what he says or does...what if he steals my car?"

_yep, pissed as a newt. _I would have probably laughed at the guy, but he looked so worried about Matt possibly stealing his non-existent car, that I almost felt sorry for him.

But now I knew I was able to ask him almost anything, and he would talk without thinking. I only had to pick up the truth among the senseless bumbling. So I wanted to ask him questions he definitely wouldn't answer and the questions I wouldn't dare to ask when he was sober.

"So if you think we're nice people, why don't you ever come to us at breaks and so…?"

I think it was stupid to ask serious stuff first, but I wanted to know...and Near didn't seem bothered.

"I don't have to come to you, because you come to me. If you want to see me, you find me. I don't bother you when you don't want to" he explained.

I felt partly relieved, partly abashed. Relieved for the fact that he liked us….liked me. And abashed of the tone in which he said he doesn't bother us if we didn't want to…

I didn't want to make him low-spirited, now that he was finally enjoying now even louder party. I had to ask some shit he would be embarrassed to answer normally, and then maybe use it to tease him in times needed.

I picked my phone, put the recording on and turned to back to ridiculously cute, drunken Near.

Then I started to ask the real questions.

.

.

A/N: million apologizes for the spelling errors, I have written this mostly at nigh D: but yeah, feel free to comment!


	4. The morning after

My eyelids were so damn heavy as I parted them. The silence and the warmth against me felt so comforting, that I felt like I'd fall asleep again. The room around me was still dark, so I surely didn't have to wake yet…I closed my eyes.

Then, something deep in my mind woke. The heat under me was definitely not a bed nor couch. As the realization sank in, I slammed my eyes open again. My head was starting to clear, but I felt also kinda sick. I tried to wipe it out of my mind as I pulled my upper body of another one under me.

_Oh my fucking god, what the hell happened?_

I felt myself surprisingly calm considering the fact that the body underneath me belonged to a certain albino. Although the room was dark, I still discerned the light hair.

I tried to keep my head cool and think the situation through. First of all I stood up, trying to do it as slowly and evenly as possible, so I wouldn't wake the sleeping boy. Then I started to ask myself questions. Did I have clothes on? Yes, I did. Thank goodness. Near was dressed too, for I could see the white blouse glowing. So nothing had happened. I ignored the conflicting feelings the remark caused in me.

Where was I? Now that my eyes had gotten used to the dark, I knew immediately. The couch Near and I had slept in was Matt's. I was in my best pal's room, and when I squinted I saw the figure of him in the bed. Almost immediate relief took me over. It would have troubled me afterwards if I didn't know what had happened in the room, and with Matt's presence, I knew that it was nothing.

I remembered only bits of last night. Everything seemed incoherent and misty. I had steeled Near's drink, and we had talked…and at one point, everything went black. I had no idea how I had ended there, but I was glad I was here rather than somewhere unfamiliar.

I could've just stood there and stared at the figure of the peacefully sleeping boy, but then I remembered that I had gotten him drunk, and today he would have to suffer the consequences. I had to at least help him a bit.

.

.

Several hours later the white-haired sleeping beauty woke up. I was sitting on a chair in front of the door, and watched as he slowly got in the sitting position. It was about ten o'clock, so Matt wouldn't be awake yet for three hours.

Near's movements were sore, as if everything he did had hurt him. Still not noticing me, he gently touched his forehead and grimaced. I could tell he had a pretty bad headache. Usually pale cheeks looked greyish.

"The water next to you" I said quietly, and Near's head popped up to look at me, "drink it."

He stared at me for a moment, presumably killing me inside his head for making him go through such a torment. Then he turned to the glass of water and drank it.

"Good. Now go back to sleep" I instructed, still with the same low voice.

He looked at me for so long that I seriously started to suspect he's planning my murder inside his head. You could never tell. Geniuses were capricious. But then again, Near looked so feckless with the messy hair and blanket entangled around him, that I couldn't believe him to be able even slap me.

Finally he broke the eye contact and lied back down. It didn't take long before I heard his breath steadying, and I knew the boy was asleep.

.

.

After taking two bottles of water to Matt's room I decided to go and find someone from the party to tell me what the hell had happened. I hadn't drunk enough to lose my memory, so what the fuck had happened?

As I had guessed, the only one who I found awake was Linda. She was on the lounge, sketching a draft of one of her friends. I sat next to her on the couch she was sitting on, and immediately she stopped her doings and asked her friend if she could leave us for a moment. I didn't really care if she was there or not, but the girl looked a bit relieved for getting away from posing.

"How's your head?" she turned to me, looking a bit worried.

"My head? My head's perfect. Now could you tell me what the heck happened? I can't remember anything"

She looked at me with an appraising expression in her face.

"How does it not hurt? You were pretty rambunctious…are you claiming you didn't drink?"

"Not enough to lose my memory" I answered, impatiently waiting for her to start explaining.

Instead of talking she put the sketchbook down and dug out a camera from her pastel flowery bag.

"You really don't remember? Well, I can only tell you this much…you and Near were pretty…um…tumbled. I mean, you guys seemed to have fun. Actually we all did, mostly because of you and few others that partied like a crazy…." I listened her unbelieving. What the hell had happened? I drank only the one freaking glass of punch….

Linda gave the camera to me and pressed the button to photos. "There...few photos, most of them are sorta blurry…"

I just nodded, then starting to go through the images.

Every picture gave me a little heart attack. In the first picture, there was Near and I, laughing at a punch bowl which we had somehow managed to get seething over. Well, actually It wasn't that hard thing to do if you got the materials, but how the hell did anyone let us do that?

Oh, but a houseful of drunk and stupid youngsters…

"Yeah…get two geniuses high…" Linda smirked as she glanced the picture over my shoulder "Don't worry, you're not so disastrous in the next few pics…"

Yeah, because we were horribly embarrassing in the next few pics. They photos got only worse and worse. In one I was dancing on the table, the second there was Near and some other dudes with me. And then all of our shirts were gone, and I had some ridiculous sunglasses on. The thing kept going on. There was way too many photos of me dancing without shirt, and way too little of Near laughing. You could see me topless any time, but the chances of seeing Near even smile?

I had to stop watching when I came across of a picture where I apparently gave a french kiss to some blonde girl. Without a shirt on. It wasn't like I cared that much, but for some reason I didn't want anyone to see it. I deleted it stealthily, then gave the camera back to Linda. I was even more confused than before.

"Um, Mello?" Linda asked after I had gotten up from the couch. "What about Matt and Near? Have you seen them today?"

"They're fine." I sighed "I'm going to them right now…Matt needs to explain me few things."

.

.

In fact I didn't go to them straight after leaving Linda. I had a not-so-good feeling about Ben having to do something with last night's crazy events, so I checked his room if he was still sleeping. He wasn't there. I reasoned he had stayed over the night in the party house.

After that, I went to get some boiled eggs for Matt and Near before returning to the room.

I was a bit surprised to find them both awake, lying on their berths and whimpering quietly. Well, at least Near was. Matt hadn't drink so much and possibly brooked alcohol a bit better, so he was just sipping the water and narrowing his eyes as if the small amount of light coming behind the drapes was irritating him.

"Wow, Near sure is a screamer" I smirked as sitting next to Matt on the bed.

The whimpering stopped immediately and white-haired boy turned to look at me with pained expression.

"You shouldn't sound so smug, you were the one who got me in this state" his voice sounded hoarse, "what did you put in my drink?"

The pitiable sigh of his off-color face this close made me almost regret the steeling. He didn't sound even mad at me, just airsick. I reached an egg to him as I answered with an apologizing tone "Vodka"

He accepted the food, but looked at it frowning before turning back to me.

"Why did you hand me an egg?"

"For you to eat it. It has cysteine, you know, helps to mop up the toxins in your body" I explained, same time shoving another one to Matt's hand.

It took a moment before they started to eat. Near looked disgusted the whole time, but Matt munched the egg as readily as always.

"So….how're you feeling?" I asked after the albino had chewed the rest.

It was a stupid question, because obviously not so well, but I wanted to hear it from him.

"I feel like my head's going to explode. I can't figure out why someone would intentionally lose memory for one night and then get this pain as a reward" he groaned, closing his eyes as the light obviously harassed him.

"Oh come on, it's not that bad" I tried to cheer him up, "look at the good sides"

He opened his eyes gingerly.

"And they are?"

"Well, I am here to take care of everything. The water was good, right? And the egg will help…sorta"

He smiled faintly and I felt my heart doing a flip for some unexplainable reason I didn't want to know.

"Yeah…you're quite right"

Then Matt recalled his presence. "Oh my god, would you two just stop flirting and focus? We've got a few things to sort out"

I felt my face immediately heating up and I turned to Matt furiously. I didn't know if I was embarrassed or…I don't even know what. But Matt would suffer for a comment like that. Though I couldn't get a word out of my mouth before pale hand had sprouted up to shut it. Now my eyes widened, and I looked at Near in amazement.

"I'm sorry, but you looked like you were about to shout, and I am afraid my head wouldn't take it well" he explicated as pulling his hand back. Immediately I missed the cool touch of his fingers, and immediately after feeling that I had to slap myself in my head. What the hell was wrong with me?

"Yeah, whatever…" I muttered, then turned to Matt "but I will skin you for another comment like that"

He rolled his eyes at me. "Fine, you big drama queen"

"Shut up"

"Why are you so twitchy about one comment?"

"Shut up"

"Seriously, you're overreacting" he grinned at me, annoying the living shit out of me.

"Shut up"

"You know, the word should be _mello_dramatic"

I would have probably strangled Matt if Near wasn't there. For the redhead's luck, I inhaled deeply and then spoke calmly.

"Right, okay…" I pinched the bridge of my nose with two fingers "why were you even up this early?"

I noticed how Near tensed at the question, and Matt shrugged a bit uncomfortably.

"Well, um…Near had some kind of a nightmare and I woke up when he yelled..." Matt explained.

I turned to Near, sudden curiosity rising inside me. He had had a nightmare? I couldn't help but think what kind of nightmares he had…mine had been troubling me for the time I had seen them, and I couldn't help but to think that maybe his dreams were as bad as mine.

Which was stupid thing to think, for everyone experiences their nightmares differently. And his dreams were probably just typical nightmares, not ones with killer book and too much emotion…

"I can't even remember what I dreamed about" Near commented quietly.

He could have told the truth, but I had the feeling that he just didn't want to talk about it. So I left the topic.

"Yeah…um, so, Matt. Could you explain me what the fuck happened last night? Believe it or not, I can't remember anything"

Matt wasn't as surprised as Linda. He just nodded knowingly, and shifted into a better position, before starting to talk.

"I was expecting that…okay, where do I start? Well, first of all, I think you may have been drugged. I don't know how and who, because I showed up again when you were dancing on the table and the party was getting pretty wild."

I scowled, remembering the picture of me raving on the table with random dudes and Near. The albino had smiled, though, which made the photo a bit better.

"Yeah, I know that stuff. Linda showed me some pictures"

"Oh, good. But she left before the real action started. I think it was around that time when you made out with a stuffed animal and Near giggled at the landscape photo hanging in the living room. We heard police sirens. Some fucker neighbor had called cops. Soooo, long story short; we stole a car and drove away"

Near and I looked at Matt with an expression that could only be called 'horrified'. Matt chuckled and shook his head.

"It was a good thing that the car was Elliot's. Well, he's going to kill us for breaking the front window, but we got away, eh? Too bad for the people who stayed there."

"Wait, are you bastard trying to say that we left everyone behind?" I felt my voice growing, but then I saw Near's face and lowered it again, "You can't even drive a car!"

"No, Mels, chill out. Linda, Elliot and Jamie had already left. Chris drove us here. He found us at the car little too late, because at that point we had already managed to break the window, but yeah…."

I digested the information for some time. Near didn't say anything, just looked at the floor, expression nauseous.

"…um…Mello, you said something about Linda having photos of us?" he asked suddenly.

"Yeah…she was at the lounge last time I saw her, if you want to see the photos…"

He was silent for a moment. "Yeah…I'll go find her, but now I think I need to get a shower. I…um, if I have my belongings here, please inform. I'm going to leave now…thanks for the water. And…" he was about to continue, but then then his face got motionless and he just stood up. "Um…see you later."

"Yeah, take care" Matt muttered.

The albino vanished out the door.

After Near was gone, I close my eyes and tried to think. The answers hadn't satisfied me. There was so many holes in the story. Who had drugged me, and how the hell did he even manage to do that? One of the frustrating things were that I couldn't remember what I had talked with Near…I think it had some detail that I forgot. And then…why the hell had I gone to sleep on Near?

That question raised some kind of feelings inside me, and I quickly wiped it out of my mind. I turned to Matt, who was also clearly going something through in his head.

"Matt, how to hell am I going to get my memory from last night?"

Matt was pulled out of his thoughts, and he pouted his lips as he began to think the question.

"I don't know…what are the last things you remember?"

"um…I went to lace Near's drink…and then got back and he drank it…"

Matt sniffed at me. "Yeah, thanks about that, by the way. I would too have liked to see Near's first experience with alcohol"

"Well damn, I'm sorry" I sighed, "but you seemed a bit busy with Linda"

Matt furrowed his eyebrows, suddenly getting confused. A dangerous thought floated through my mind, but I decided to ignore it…

"What do you mean? I hardly saw Linda yesterday, though I tried to find her…"

Yep, I screwed up. I had seen Linda with a redhead, but Matt wasn't the only one with that colored hair…I realized what had just happened to my best pal, and wanted to fix my mistake.

"Oh...nothing, I just slipped up…I…um…" I tried to keep my scenery up, but deep inside I knew the race was lost. I couldn't think anything to say. Matt looked at me with an expression I wouldn't dare do watch.

"Why did you think I was with Linda, Mels? Who was with her?" he sounded taut now.

I couldn't lie to Matt.

"I…saw her making out with some redhead in the party….I thought it was you…"

If there's one thing in the world that I truly hated, it was to see Matt upset. He was so hard to make sad, angry or annoyed that every time he was in that mood, that in those times I felt an unpleasant grab in my stomach. His face was so dismal that I froze for a minute, didn't know what to do.

"Matt…are you okay?" I asked quietly, but Matt just nodded, not answering my gaze. He wasn't okay.

"Y-yeah…why wouldn't I be? Linda can be with whoever she likes, it's not like I care that much…" Matt muttered.

"Are you sure? You should-"

"I'm fine. Just drop it, okay?" his tone got heated.

"oh…okay" I answered.

I knew the conversation was over when Matt lied back down on his bed and stared at the ceiling without a word. I didn't leave. Hell, I was his best friend, and he surely felt like a shit after that. I wasn't going to leave him. I leaned my back on the wall, picked my legs up and stared at the ceiling with him. I felt stupid for telling Matt about it, but in the other hand, how could I have not told him? He had asked.

For a long time we just stayed there, both dwelled inside of our minds. My thoughts were now turning back to last night. The feeling that I had forgotten something important was so strong in my head, but I couldn't get in my mind. I was frustrated. I couldn't figure what it was, but I somehow linked it with Near being drunk...

After awfully long time it finally hit me.

The recording. I had recorded the conversation with Near!

I didn't know if I felt myself stupid or smart, because I was smart for putting the recording on, but damn stupid for remembering it only now. But then again, I couldn't be sure if the tape was useful if I didn't listen it first. It could be as useless as Linda's photos in that matter.

I couldn't listen the tape when Matt was there, for I had asked Near so many personal questions and I didn't want everyone to know his answers. But I couldn't leave Matt there by himself. I knew I had to gather my patience and wait.

I stayed the whole afternoon with him.

.

.

A/N: okay, I'm sorry guys, this wasn't meant to be a cliffhanger….but it sorta just happened. I try to update as soon as possible though


	5. Recording

When I finally left Matt's room, it was already evening. Time always passed quickly when I was with him. We had played Assassin's creed, eaten pizza and definitely not talked about Linda, but my patience wasn't that long after all, so I made an excuse and left. I felt bad for leaving him, though it was stupid because Matt probably wanted to have some own time too.

I nervously drummed my fingers on the pocket where my phone was as I made my way to my room, curiosity stressing me overmuch. When I got there, I made sure I locked the door before jumping to my bed and digging the phone out.

I didn't know what to expect. I was quite nervous as I pressed the 'on' button and waited for the recording to start answering my questions.

At first I heard only background noise, partying people and loud music.

But then came my voice, clear and audible.

"_So, Near…have you found anyone interesting yet? At the university…"_

I couldn't help but tense a little. I was obviously starting easy, but the question still got me somewhat nervous…

"_What do you mean?" _Near asked

"_You know, a girl…"_

"_Oh…I am not interested in girls" _came the answer.

I found myself suddenly wordless. So…Near liked boys? I didn't know why I felt tickling in my lower stomach. Obviously I had had the same reaction yesterday, because I was silent for a moment before going on.

"_So, um, you like boys?" _I heard a little tense in my voice.

"…_no" _

It was starting to get frustrating how I didn't understand my emotions. The tickling vanished and left behind only an empty feeling. I didn't like it.

"_Oh, okay, so…you don't get attached to people romantically or sexually?"_

I could've sworn Near was frowning as he answered _"I do."_

"_That doesn't make any sense, you twat"_

"_Did I upset you?"_

"_W-what? No! I am not upset"_

"_But you look upset. I don't want you to be upset"_

"_Ugh, Near, I am definitely not upset" _I heard myself assuring. _"Jeez…so, yeah. Then have you ever had crush?" _

"_I don't think you could call it crush…" _

"_So you __**do**__ like someone! Who is it?"_

I felt myself tense again, but this time it felt even more unpleasant.

But Near didn't answer the question. I heard him giggle, and the sound made me almost laugh. Almost.

"_Why are you laughing?" _I sounded confused.

"_Because it's so illogical" _

"_What is?"_

"_Love" _Near sighed _"and feelings. Love is like a game, you know, really stupid and irrational game. There seems to be no winners in that war"_

Damn him and the way he sounded so rational even when he was drunk. How was he able to do that? I missed the giggling.

"_So, you don't believe in love?" _

"_I think I believe in people" _Near answered.

"_But you think love is…useless or something?"_

"_No…I don't know, Mello. Love seems hard. Maybe it's easier for stupid people…but I still don't understand it" _Near sounded thoughtful, and although his talking was a bit garbled, he still managed to sound a lot smarter than I would have in that situation.

"_Right, so you don't get romantic love. What about sex?"_

"_What about it?"_

"_Have you ever fucked anyone?" _my voice sounded amused, which I deduced that Near had probably gotten blushed.

"_no"_

I lifted my eyebrows at the answer. Near had never slept with anyone? Well, it wasn't _that _much of a surprise, counting that he didn't actually contact with anyone in that matter.

"_Really? Never?"_

I assume Near shook his head, because I continued questioning.

"_What about giving a handjob or something? Or receiving one?"_

"_...no"_

"_Have you ever even made out with anybody?" _

"_no"_

I sounded truly taken aback as I presented the next question.

"…_don't tell me you haven't even kissed anyone?"_

"_Is that a bad thing?" _

I think I was even more shocked now than I had been when recording. It shouldn't have disturbed me so much, but…Near had never had anyone close enough to kiss him…

Suddenly the scene in my room at Friday morning flashed in my mind, Near's lips so close to mine…

"…_um, no…I guess it's not. But…don't you ever get attracted to anyone?"_

"…_sometimes" _

"_Then how are you dealing with it?" _

"…_I'm not"_

"_What the hell? Don't you ever get turned on?"_

"_I do"_

"_...I don't think I'm going to get surprised by the answer, but don't you ever jerk off?"_

"_no"_

"_Jeez, Near, are you a robot?"_ I muttered. "_What the hell do you do when you get a boner?"_

"_In case that happens, I'll just wait for it to go away"_

I heard myself making repressed sound, as if Near's passivity had frustrated me off the limits. My plans of getting him to tell embarrassing stuff seemed to be unsuccessful. How could I have gotten him to tell me anything if he had as much experience as preschooler? Even less, actually.

"_Gosh, Near. Okay, then tell me something embarrassing about yourself" _I heard myself asking straight. The possibility of Near answering honestly was high, so why not?

"…_embarrassing?" _Near giggled a little "_I don't do embarrassing things, I'm way too indifferent to get erambas- no, embreas- …" _Near sniggered again before continuing _"I think I am drunk, Mello"_

"_Yeah you are. But seriously? Nothing? Have you __**never**__ gotten embarrassed?"_

A ruminative moment of silent.

"_Oh…I think once. It was when those guys lifted my shirt and you were there watching"_

_That_ was Near's embarrassing moment? Only one? I had thought he didn't care. My mind got stuck in how he mentioned my presence…did he care that I saw? Is that why he blushed? No, he said it just for me to remember the situation. No ifs or buts.

In the tape, I hadn't got the chance to speak before Near continued

"_But you were without a shirt too today. Were you embarrassed? You didn't look like you were…" _Near sounded thinking "_although you had much better-looking body, so I guess you didn't have anything to be ashamed of"_

I felt myself reddening over nothing. It was just a stupid drunk comment, right? I probably had had the same expression on last night, because Near started to laugh funnily again.

"_God you're drunk.." _I heard myself muttering. _"So that's all?"_

"_Yes"_ he confirmed.

"_Uhm…Mello"_ suddenly there was third voice joining the conversation. It sounded Chris's.

"_Hey, Chris" _my own voice assured my guess, _"How's it been here?"_

"…_Great, just great…I, um…look, Near made me promise to take him back to campus if you somehow managed to get him drunk…and…eh, it looks like you have succeeded"_

Damn he was good, I had to admit it. Near seemed to plan everything ready earlier, so he wouldn't have to worry at the moment. But his plan had failed, judging from the photos Linda had taken later that night.

"_But Chris, see how cheerful he looks. I think he's having fun for like the first time of his life...you can't possibly just take it away from him"_

It was silent for a moment, in which I assume Chris and I had turned to look at Near.

"…_well…he does look happy…but I promised him..." _Chris sounded uncertain.

Too bad for Chris that nice people had the flaw that they were easily persuaded, and I had the flaw to take advantage on it.

"_It doesn't matter, he didn't know how much fun he would have here. And if he blames you later, you can lie to him and say I threatened to kick your ass if you were to take him"_

"_N-no, I am not going to lie…but okay, fine….I just hope he isn't mad tomorrow...promise to take care of him?" _

"_Sure do"_

"_Okay, good. I'm going back to Jamie…see you"_

"_Bye"_

For a moment I heard only the background noises, but then I heard myself speaking again.

"_Oh, thanks. What's this?"_

"_I think it's juice or punch or cider" _Near said, his words sounding fuzzy. Apparently he had passed me some kind of drink.

"_But it's blue"_

Near giggled. The sound lightened me up a little, for he sounded so easy and joyful. He was so different from normal when he was drunk…

But although I liked the giggling and tipsy Near, I still preferred him as he was normally; calm, intelligent and mostly indifferent. He had traits that I hadn't, and I admired him for that. And I knew that he was a bit more clever than me.

"_It's funny, isn't it?" _

"_Yeah...and a bit weird"_

"_Don't you like weird?"_

I heard a sipping noise, and then my own voice "_I think I do like weird"_

There was silence for some time.

Then I heard myself again, talking with an oddly soft tone.

"_Near…what did you mean, when you said you weren't like the others?"_

I could sense the atmosphere changing even over the recording. Near didn't answer for a moment, and when he finally spoke, his voice was tense.

"_I'm not…it isn't just my intelligence….I…I keep seeing these dreams…"_

"…_what kind of dreams?"_ my voice sounded careful, and for that I deduced that Near must've _looked _uneasy too.

"…_they're about you…and me…and sometimes there's Matt…and some people I think I should recognize, but I don't…."_

"…_but those are just dreams, Near. Everyone has them."_

"_No, you don't understand…" _Near's voice sounded so vulnerable, that I felt physical pain in my chest…

"_Then explain- ugh, no, wait, I feel weird…" _

I was about to scream aloud my stupidity! What the fuck, me? I wanted to know what was wrong with Near! Why was I stopping the conversation like that?

…then it hit me. Of course. The fucking juice.

"_Where did you get these drinks, Near?" _I asked.

"_mnnnh…what? I, um….Beyond passed and gave them to me"_

"_WHAT? You took a drink from Ben?" _my voice was panicky "_What the hell were you thinking? Oh my fucking god, we're fucked! I have to find Matt!"_

I heard clattering, Nears mumbling and then nothing. The tape was over.

I stared blankly at my phone, not knowing what to do. There had been so much information at the same time. I didn't know how to deal with them.

So…Near was a virgin? Expected. We got drugged by Ben? Also expected. The albino hadn't told me anything actually surprising, but then again…

What kind of dreams he had? Were they similar of mine? And why did he think there was something wrong with him because of that? Unsureness racked me mentally. I wanted to know. I_ needed_ to know. But I couldn't just ask Near, for he would certainly lie again. The only reasonable possibility would be just trying to get our friendship deeper and get closer to him. Not that I wasn't going to do that anyway.

But the dreams had to be something abnormal, otherwise Near obviously wouldn't thought he was different from others. I had understood that Near had troubles with those dreams, so I could assume them to be nightmares. He had had bags under his eyes yesterday, left there by restless night. And he had wanted to see me after that…

It was rather easy to come in conclusion that he wanted to discuss with me about a dream he had had. How bad the nightmare had to be for him to get so anguished to come to me? We had just only become friends, after all. Did he trust me that much already? Or was it just that I was in the dream with him…? I couldn't be sure. Everything was just guessing, until I would hear it from Near himself.

.

Gentle knock on the door pulled me back from my head. I immediately deleted the recording, before moving to the door.

I had already guessed that it was Near, because Ben and Matt never knocked (although I always made them regret it afterwards). He looked much better than earlier, but still not completely well. The greyish shade on his skin hadn't faded away.

"Hey, how're you feeling?" I made a way for him to step in.

"I'm fine" he stated, passing me. I closed the door and turned to face him, a bit nervous for the reason he had come. Was he here to tell me off? I undeniably earned it.

The albino however didn't begin to rage. He just curled a lock of white hair in his fingers, looking at me searchingly. It suddenly appeared to my mind that he had never touched anyone intimately with those fingers.

Before I let myself keep thinking that kind of stuff, I quickly continued the incipient conversation.

"Uhm, so you went to Linda? Did she show you the pics?"

Near nodded slowly, and turned his gaze from me. "They were rather…interesting. She didn't consent to delete them, but I assume she won't disseminate them either"

"Really? I could make her-"

"That's not needed" He interrupted, bright gray eyes turning back to meet mine "Besides, it's already too late for that matter. Some of the pictures are on facebook already"

_Oh hell no!_

"Did she put them there?" I asked as quickly picking up my phone again from the pocket I had stuffed it. One or two clicks and millions pictures of the last night's party jumped on my face. Not literally of course, but it still felt like a bitch slap, because I noticed myself in several of them.

"No. Someone else obviously had a camera with them too" he replied.

My eyebrows squeezed together as I rolled the page down. Damn it, how many people had there been? There were way too many pictures of me without a shirt on. Yeah, the people who had posted and liked them might think they were my friends, but the feelings weren't mutual. Those bitches.

Near had moved next to me, and watched the photos with expressionless face. When I saw yet another topless picture of me, I all of sudden remembered the words he had said on the recording. _You had much better-looking body._

My thumb stopped moving on the screen. Without a second thought I pushed the phone back to my pocket and turned to Near, who looked at me curiously.

"So…you did you have something to talk about or…?" I inquired, putting on my own blunt expression.

"Oh…yes, I did" his eyes fell to the floor "How much do you remember about last night?"

If I didn't know better, I would have sworn that Near avoided my gaze. A horrifying thought of him remembering our last night conversation passed my mind, but I didn't pay attention to it. No, he couldn't…he had been way too drunk to remember.

"Well, it kinda went all black after I got the coke to you…" It wasn't fully a lie. I just chose not to tell about the recording I had taken and listened today "And the next time I was conscious was when I woke up" _in top of you. _There's another detail I was never going to tell him.

Near stared at me for a moment, looking a tiny bit uncertain. Then he just nodded.

"Why?" I inquired, feeling kinda nervous. Did Near really know what we had talked about? "How much do you remember?"

His face turned slightly more expressionless than it was, as he answered "Almost nothing...I just wanted to know if you could tell me what happened. And if I did something that will affect me later"

"Well…" I smirked, trying to play careless "you _did _take a few topless pictures, so you'll probably get at least dozen of phone numbers by tomorrow"

"Yeah, right…" he answered, but smiled back a little.

"So, do you have anything to do right now? We could go to Matt's room and watch a movie or something" I requested "the poor guy needs some mental support"

"What's the matter with him?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Girls and stuff" I didn't feel the need to explain it further. And Near didn't feel the need to ask more.

"I am not really good at comforting" he confessed, hand raising to twirl his white curls once again.

Sudden need to cheer the moment got into me. I was so full of the uncertainty and other confusing feelings, that had to push them away for a moment.

I smirked at him and walked to the door. "Don't worry, we can stop by your room and get you some toy robots so you can silently play with them on the corner while I do the comforting"

I heard Near sighing, but he followed me out of the door.

"I am not _that_ useless"

My mischievous grin widened. "but I haven't even told you what kind of comforting it's about"

Brief moment of silence.

"…I hope you're joking, Mello"

"We may have to pick up some condoms too" I continued chaffing him.

It was a lot more fun now that I knew how inexperienced the guy was. And it was a good way to lighten things up. At the moment I felt a great need to _not _think about nightmares, hangovers and broken hearts. I was going to get Matt in the good mood and I was practicing with Near.

"You are so immature…" he sighed.

"I am not the one who plays with toys" I said cheerily "no, wait, what kind of toys are we talking about again?"

The sight of blushing Near got me in so much better mood, that it wiped the whole recording tape out of my mind. Who cared if Ben had drugged us? Who cared if Near had never screwed anyone? I wanted to have fun with my friends and get to know Near better. I could worry those things later.

.

.

A/N: I should really start to write this during day because my spelling is not-so-fabulous at nights. NAAHH just kidding, who the heck has a time for that? Okaaaaay so I just wanted to thank million times every commenter, you make my day ;_;3 and obviously thanks to everyone who bothers to read this, I love you all!


	6. Lost

I was in pretty good mood next morning. Chris had given me the sleeping pills, and I had slept without nightmares. I had no headache, the morning coffee was great and the water in the shower wasn't ice cold like usually.

Yeah, it was a good morning, until when I found my pals at lounge, sat next to them on the large couch they had conquered and glanced around.

"Where's Ben?" I asked.

Six faces turned stunned as we all realized that we hadn't seen Ben since the party. He hadn't left with Linda, Elliot and Jamie, and he certainly hadn't been with us in the car.

"We are the worst friends ever" Elliot bemoaned and we all agreed. Okay, so Ben had drugged us? Hadn't expected anything less from him. _I _was the stupid one for drinking the punch (goddamnit I was stupid. Seriously, blue punch? No suspicion?). But we had left Ben there when the police came. Was he arrested? He possessed so much weird and most likely illegal stuff, that I wouldn't wonder if they'd send him to prison.

We all tried to call him in our turns, but we didn't catch him. We didn't know if he was mad at us, or if he just couldn't answer for other reasons. All the same, we felt crappy.

"Look, this is not the first time that Ben has disappeared after a party" Jamie managed to stay reasonable "we just have to wait for few days, and if no one sees him in that time, we'll call the police"

"Yeah, great idea, let's get cops rummaging in Ben's room to find clues" Matt muttered "and maybe some drug caches, illegal aliens and a nuclear laboratory"

Jamie rolled his eyes at Matt.

"Okay, maybe that's not that great idea…but what else could we do?"

"We're just gonna have to wait, I think…" Linda said, her confused look on Matt who stubbornly avoided her gaze. The guy had sat as far as he could from her, which was already enough to raise questions. Normally their relation was warm and friendly, but Linda obviously hadn't thought that Matt's feelings for her were a bit more than just warm and friendly.

So now Matt was angry and Linda bemused and hurt.

"Let's not worry, it's Beyond after all. He knows what he's doing" Chris assured.

We tried to hold on to that, and with a little doubt in the backs of our heads, we moved to other topics.

.

.

The days passed, and we heard nothing from Ben. We had asked our friends about him, but none of them had seen him. He hadn't gotten caught by the police, that was sure. Only about twenty people had had consequences with law after the party, and Beyond wasn't one of them. Still he hadn't called us or anything. Continuous worry about that fuckface made it hard to focus on school, especially now that I had to do several essays in limited time. With Matt's bad mood and my racking curiosity over Near's dreams added in, it was almost a miracle that I had anything done. At least I could sleep, now that I had the pills.

But in a way, the nightmares didn't leave me alone even when I was awake. Matt's stupid goggles gave me shivers sometimes. Exact same effect on me had Near's toy robots, word 'orphanage', and news of criminals from Japan. It was ridiculous and extremely confusing. I didn't know what was wrong in my head, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to know.

Pushing away certain thoughts and emotions was hard for me, but I still tried. Although I may have acted pretty nonchalant in lectures, I still did care about my education. I expected and accepted only best from myself, so when I needed to really get my head out of the problems, I went to library to read. It didn't feel like working and it certainly helped me in the essays.

.

It was almost a week after the party, when I was writing my English essay in the library. I had managed to concentrate perfectly in the writing, since it somehow came naturally from me. Writing my own thoughts out was somewhat relaxing too, so I was kinda annoyed when I heard a steps behind me.

It was late evening, and the library was rather empty. I was working on a remote corner where they kept all the old and dreary books. No one ever needed anything from there, so I immediately knew the disturber was there for me.

"Fuck off" I said without turning around.

"I brought hot chocolate" said girl's voice next to me. I lifted my gaze to look at Linda, who sat next to me on a rickety desk chair. She had two cups of steaming brown liquid in her hands.

"Fine, you can stay"

Smiling she reached one of the cups to me. I accepted it with a sigh. I just had to get used of the fact that my manipulative bastard-friends knew what lever to pull.

"How're you progressing?" her hazel-colored eyes searched through the mess of papers, pencils, and thick textbooks that covered the desk. I took a sip of my hot chocolate before answering.

"I was doing great. Before you interrupted"

"What subject is that even?" she continued asking.

"I am sure my schoolwork is not the topic you wanted to discuss. Spit it out"

She rolled her eyes at me, but didn't answer. I waited patiently as she put her cup aside and started nervously fiddling her oversized sweater's sleeves. Surely it was fun to wait the whole weekend for her to start talking, but I actually had stuff to do.

"Is it about Matt?" I asked, not so patiently anymore.

"Um…yeah" She sighed. "Do you know what's up with him? He has been acting so weird lately, almost as if he was mad at me…but I don't know what I have done"

So now I had to work as a middleman between these dumb lovebirds? Just my luck. I couldn't tell her why my pal was offended, they would have to handle that by themselves. But surely I could speed things up and placate Matt, so he could do the rest himself.

"Um, well…Matt's been a bit in temper lately…maybe he's worried about Ben"

Linda's expression looked suddenly worried "Right, Ben…it's been almost a week…shouldn't we do something?"

I sipped more of the hot cocoa. "We really should…but what can we do? We seriously can't drag police into this…"

Linda pouted her lips as she thought about the problem. "No one had seen him after the party…"

"Yeah, I have asked all my friends if he had contacted them, but he hadn't"

The girl was silent for a moment. In the soft lighting of the old library, she actually looked kinda cute sitting there next to me. Not that I really cared about that, but I understood why Matt had a crush on her. She was his type, but definitely not my type. My type was more like…

I didn't give my brains time to think that thought to the end. Instead I focused on the mission.

"Did you ask your boyfriend about him?" I asked innocently.

The brunette's brows rose into an abashed expression.

"Boyfriend?"

"Yeah" I continued my play "I saw you with him in the party. Some redhead"

"Oh." Now she looked more like embarrassed "he's not my boyfriend"

Yes, and that was all I needed. She was still single. Yippee for Matty.

"It was just some random guy who happened to be there. It was nothing…anyway, where were we? Um, so…should we just keep waiting?"

I was freed from the job, so I guessed the conversation didn't have to continue anymore.

"Nah, if he doesn't show up by tomorrow, I will personally hunt him down wherever the fuck he is" I stated, and the gulped the rest of my drink. "And with Matt, you don't have to worry. I'll talk to him"

Linda looked a bit surprised, but she understood the message in my tone. I couldn't be clearer even if I wrote 'CONVERSATION OVER' with black marker on my forehead.

"Um, okay…thanks. Don't work too hard, okay?... 'kay, bye"

"Byeee" I turned back to my essay, and relaxed as I heard the footsteps going further and further. It was not that I didn't like Linda, just that I hated when people interrupted my working. It was a bigger risk to do negligence mistakes if someone distracted your concentration. I didn't need anyone to bother me right now.

…and this is the moment when someone up there laughed at my face and thought 'nope!'.

I heard next footsteps in only ten minutes after Linda had left. This time I didn't turn around either, just stared at my previous writings strictly and hoped that whoever it was would just vanish away. Of course that never happened when you wanted to. The steps stopped few meters behind me.

"Get lost" I muttered, just loud enough to the interrupter to hear me.

"I'd prefer not to" the subdued voice behind me said. I turned around to see the pale figure of Near watching me with a searching look in his gray eyes.

"Oh, Near. I didn't know it was you" I said. Suddenly I didn't feel the desire of being left alone.

His dark eyes still observed me carefully as he asked "Whose company wasn't wanted?"

_Any other than yours._

"Um...I thought it was Matt. He likes to disturb me when I'm working" I explained. It had become a bad habit that I told half-truths in every possible situation.

"I'm sorry, I have no hot chocolate with me for bribe" his eyes shifted to the cups that Linda had left.

"Yeah, Linda hopped here" I moved the cups further from my precious papers and turned back to Near. I couldn't read his expression at all, and it made me kinda nervous.

"What's with her?" even his voice sounded unreadable.

"…I don't think I'm supposed to tell" I replied, and noticed how Near's face turned even more blank.

"Oh. Right" was the only answer I got. Then we just stared at each other.

I didn't know how the atmosphere had changed so quickly, but I felt almost painful tension in the air between us. What the hell had just happened? Why was he acting like this all of sudden? And in w_hat _way was he even acting? He had locked himself up just like that, and I couldn't understand why. I didn't know what he was thinking, and I absolutely _hated _it so fucking much. I hated being ignorant. But he didn't say anything, and the silence continued.

"….She asked why Matt was angry with her, okay?" I finally burst out. I couldn't stand it any longer.

For a moment, the white-haired guy looked a bit surprised, and he opened his mouth. Then shut it again, turning his gaze away from me. Now he looked kinda…embarrassed? And I was even more confused. What the hell? Was it just too damn hard for us to have a good, normal conversation without weird silences or awkward moments? It certainly seemed like that.

"I…I am sorry" he said quietly. My irritation disappeared wholly and bewilderment grew. "Do I annoy you?"

I sighed, shaking my head. The sight of him standing there with the thought that he irritated me was too stupid. Yes, his behavior was weird, but I liked him notwithstanding. Near was the one who actually never _annoyed _me, just confused. And my own confusion annoyed me. So it wasn't practically his fault.

"No. I'm just tired" Yeah, I lied again, but this time for his sake. He was just starting to feel comfortable spending time with me like friends, so I wasn't going to make him think that he annoyed me. "Come, sit down"

I nodded towards the bench Linda had just sat in, and watched Near obeying the command. Only now I noticed the batch of paper he hold in his hands. As he seated, my eyes flew back up to meet his gaze. Gray eyes were, as always, searching me with curiosity.

"This is why I came…I wanted to know you opinion about my essay" he lifted the papers as if to make sure I noticed them.

"What? You've done one already?" I asked in amazement. I didn't know which was harder to believe; the fact that Near had already wrote one of the essays, or that he wanted to hear _my _opinion about it. I was kind of flattered, to be honest.

"Yes, but I knew the subject well. Do you care to read it?" he reached the batch to me, and without hesitation I took it.

With a little smile on my face I started to read the essay, feeling Near's eyes observing me the whole time.

I think my mind went a little blank as I read it. It was….perfect. He knew the topic all over, the writing style was clear and simple enough to even stupidest teacher to get, but it was still smart and interesting. It was simply brilliant. He had written the things in whole different point of view than I was, and I immediately felt a little bad about it. My pride wouldn't tolerate changing my own work to mimic his, but I sorta felt that I didn't even want to do that.

Those were stupid thought's, of course. We weren't competing. I had my own way, Near had his own. His was a bit better, but I could always progress.

I glanced Near over the paper, and felt a little flash of concern in my chest. He looked sickly nervous, monitoring my every reaction closely. Maybe another person wouldn't notice it about him, but I knew. The look in his eyes was definitely nervous, even if his face was blank.

"What do you think?" he asked quietly.

I reached the papers back to him, smiling. "That was absolutely amazing"

The surprise spread through his face, making his already big eyes turn wider. He seemed to be wordless.

And that made me wonder. He obviously had to know how good the essay was, _he _was the one who wrote the brilliance in it. There was no way he wouldn't have known it. But why was he so surprised, then?

He got his face in control in few seconds, but I couldn't help thinking about it…was it _my _reaction he had been surprised? But that didn't make any damn sense either. If you wrote an essay that was so good that even I had to admit its greatness, how can you not be smart enough to get how awesome it was? Near knew, decidedly. But with that, I had to come to the conclusion that he was surprised by the fact that I thought it was good. Why wouldn't I think that way? Or did he expect me to think it was good, but not to reveal it and maybe say something dismissive? I couldn't possibly know. How frustrating.

"Oh…thank you" Near finally replied.

"What are you thanking for? I'm just telling the truth" I answered, carefully staring at his face to pick up more weird emotions. This time I saw nothing.

"Can I read yours?" he asked suddenly.

After reading Near's essay, I had gotten a little inferiority complex towards him. It wasn't like I couldn't control my feelings….expect it was just that. But I didn't want to admit it to myself, let alone to him. So I passed my unfinished essay to him.

It was a pure torment to watch him read my work in silence. Every even remotely flimsily written sentence flashed through my mind, making me even more nervous. Why was I so afraid of Near's disapproval? It was ridiculous.

Especially when Near turned back to me and said without any mock in his voice "This is really great"

"Yours was way better" I shrugged, secretly happy about the praise. Near had liked it.

The albino shook his head. "You write differently. I liked your way more"

"Yeah, right…" I muttered, but couldn't help smiling. It was a lie, of course, it had to be. My work was okay, his was great.

It was odd, how his compliments affected me way more than anyone else's. I had a stupid warm feeling in my chest, and the vexation and confusion that I had had inside me disappeared completely.

I watched as his eyes went through the text again, probably picking up stuff that he hadn't thought about in his masterpiece. Slim finger had strayed back to his hair, pulling and twirling white locks. My look settled slowly lower, from his abyss gray eyes, across pale cheeks to the soft-looking lips, and down to his neck. Where I found hardly noticeable hickey. It was near his collar and a bit back, so I didn't wonder I hadn't seen it before. But there it was, visible on the porcelain skin.

All of sudden I felt a little sick. And angry. For absolutely no reason. Well, maybe I had a reason. Near wasn't as inexperienced as he had claimed to be. Though the mark could have been left after the party…but by who? I listed names in my mind, but Near had had absolutely zero other social contacts except my friends. Could it be possible…? No, he hadn't showed any affection towards anyone, excluding maybe me. Then why the fuck had he a hickey on his damn neck?

I only realized I was staring, when Near fixed his collar up to cover the hickey. He looked at me with an precarious expression, somewhat similar to someone who has gotten caught doing something forbidden.

"What's that?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. I didn't know why I was annoyed, but I sure as hell wasn't going to show it.

The boy looked distinctly uncomfortable, but I didn't feel pity. I was irritated, after all, and I wanted to hear who was it from.

"I….hit my neck" he tried to lie, but I didn't believe his bullshit for a second.

I tilted my head. "Oh, on what? Someone's lips, maybe?"

I didn't know if the crimson colour that rose in his cheeks satisfied me or made me even angrier. And I had no idea why I was reacting like this, but as I recall saying before, I wasn't one to control my feelings.

"If you don't mind, I'd like not to discuss about that matter" he said, not meeting my gaze.

"Right…" I muttered, moving my eyes from Near's face to the clock on the wall behind him. "It's over nine already. We should go"

"Yeah…we should" he agreed. The atmosphere had changed again, and this time I couldn't wait to get out of that stupid library corner where I had discovered that stupid hickey.

.

.

We walked almost the whole way in silence. I tried not to look like I was sulking, but I couldn't help my hands to sunk in my pockets. Why was I even mad? It wasn't like Near couldn't have his own personal life or something. I was being ridiculous again.

Still, I couldn't find any words to talk. If I had opened my mouth, I probably would have just asked that who the hell was the guy or girl that had made the blotch. And most likely in an aggressive tone. Wouldn't be that much of a surprise.

The corridors were pretty vacant, so I hadn't even anybody to look nastily at. Near didn't say a word himself, and his steps were really quiet. It was creepy and annoying. Why didn't he just tell me who it was? _I'd like not to discuss about that matter. _Well why the hell did you have to get a mark in your neck if you didn't want to talk about it? Okay, fine, maybe I was being unreasonable. But I was pissed.

And in few minutes I was just confused, because suddenly I felt a grip on my arm. I turned around to look at Near with my best 'what the fuck'-face, but then I noticed where his eyes were locked.

Under one familiar door, we saw a shadow moving. The familiar door belonged to one certain psycho friend, who had drugged us and then disappeared for a week.

"Is it…?" Near asked silently, but I didn't care to stay and wonder any longer.

For the first time in ages my lock-picking skills had use. I tried to be as silent as possible, and it didn't take long when I heard meaningful 'click'. With Near next to me, I opened the door.

It was dark and messy in his room, so we took only one step in. A shadow with a black messy hair was leaning over a closet, shoving clothes into a rucksack with rush. When he noted the light from the corridor, he immediately turned around. Near and I jumped one step back, when we noticed the gun in his hand and the maniac look in his eyes.

"Calm the fuck down! It's just us!" I cried out, and Ben lowered the gun as quickly as he had lifted it. I didn't know what was going on, but Ben didn't seem well. He looked jittery, glancing the door behind us like someone was about to show up and harm him some way.

"Close the door. Now" he stated fast, and then turned back to his closet.

I didn't know what the hell was happening. I couldn't be even mad at him, for he looked so scared and stressed. I had imagined that when we'd find him, I would shout at him and ask why the fuck he had drugged us and where the hell had he been this time, but now….

"Where have you been?" Near found the words I couldn't speak out.

"Away" Ben changed the closet, and stuffed in his bag something that looked like shrunken voodoo-doll's head.

"What the fuck, man? Why are you in such a rush?" I got my voice back as Beyond passed me to the desk next to the door. He opened the drawers in such hurry that his stuffs just flew out of them. Though he caught most of them in his backpack.

"I don't want them to get after me" he bumbled.

"_What?_ Who the hell is after you?" I felt concern taking over. Had he gone finally mad?

"They're coming, they want me to that fucking institute again"

I had to pull Near safe from Ben's way as he plunged to the floor and grabbed something under his bed.

"What institute, what the fuck?" my voice was growing, but I was so bemused.

"The first time they made me go crazy with the stress" the guy rushed to one an empty wall and lifted one panel, revealing a secret hoard behind it. I couldn't see what was there, for his back was in the way. "He killed himself….A killed himself. My fate was even worse"

We shared a look of bewilderment and concern with Near.

"Beyond, we don't understand" Near tried.

"We could have been friends…A and I….but I was a backup"

Ben was closing the zipper in his rucksack, still glancing at the door with horrified expression.

"They did it to you too…they'll do it again….if they want you to do the test, just fuck it up"

Now the guy was putting a coat on, and I finally internalized what he was doing.

"Are going away?" I blurted.

"Yes. It has been one of the best months in my life. Thanks for that" now Ben had everything packed up, and he was going to pass us on the door. But I didn't understand. He was leaving?

I felt panic growing inside me, and I gripped Ben's arm before he had the chance to leave. The look in his eyes was like wild animals, desperate for the need to get free. But I couldn't. I couldn't let him go without explanation.

"Please, Mello, I want a head start" he begged silently.

"You're crazy. There's no one after you" my grip tightened.

His breathing was heavy, his expression hopeless.

"I'll call you when I can. Don't let them get you. Please. And empty that cache for me." his voice was barely hearable.

"You're out of your mind"

"I know. I can see your lifespan" he said, and then leaned closer so only I could hear when he whispered "…Mihael Keehl"

I let go of his hand. Few steps, and Beyond Birthday was gone.

.

.

A/N: okay, this was one freaking hard chapter to write. Just wanted to thank for all the comments, you don't even know how much that motivates to write and altogether cheers me up! B) big warm hug to all of you readers!

Oh, and I have been thinking of making the same story in Near's point of view too, so I didn't have to make him explain all his behavior out loud. And the whole story would get some different perspective. But yeah, we'll see….


	7. Embarrassing

**From: Matt**

**Near told me everything…u ok?**

**From: Matt**

**Skipping classes won't drag his ass back here, you know**

**From: Matt**

**Maybe this is just one of his weird jokes**

It was stupid to keep up false hope. Ben was gone, period.

**To: Matt**

**It's not. He took almost all of his stuff with him. And I'm not skipping lecture bc of that.**

**From: Matt**

**Then why are you skiving? **

**From: Matt**

**And he didn't take his motorcycle**

It was true. Besides the awful, weird crap Ben owned, he had pretty cool stuff too. Like his pitch-black motorbike, which he had left on his regular parking lot near the campus. When I had gotten over the shock of him knowing my real name, Near and I had ran after him, assuming he would leave with the bike. Well, he hadn't. Instead of Ben, we had found a note he had clipped on the front wheel.

_Finders keepers._

_Actually, only one of my friends can keep this._

_Don't let Chris have this, he'll hurt himself._

_Or Matt, he'll hurt others._

_Of fuck this, none of you can handle this baby. Except maybe Mello._

Those were all crossed over, except the last one.

_To: Mello. Find the keys. _

I had ripped the stupid note into million pieces, cursing in four languages, not caring a single bit that Near was watching me worriedly. Ben had gotten away, without proper explanation. I had raged on streetlamp's light, speech changing furiously from English to German and French. Near waited patiently for me to shut up and calm down. He had a really good nerves, for he listened to me quietly about fifteen minutes. Then-

"He promised to call you."

and my rage was gone. Near looked a bit sad, and I definitely felt sad, but we didn't cry or do anything else too emotional. We just returned back to the campus, and without another word left to our rooms.

**To: Matt**

**I am doing my essay. They don't teach there anything I already wouldn't know, so why wouldn't I do something useful instead? And Ben gave that bike to me.**

I was lying, for a change. Actually I was just wrapped inside my blankets, eating chocolate and hating world like a teenage girl on her period. Well, actually I didn't know if girls really did that, but I had seen that going on in movies.

The truth was that I was just tired. Ben had left, Near had a hickey on his neck, Linda and Matt hadn't still made up. My chocolate collection was growing thin. Life sucked.

**From: Matt**

**Yeah, 'gave it to you'. Any proofs, pal?**

**To: Matt**

**I don't need to prove you anything, dickhead. But Near saw the note too.**

**From: Matt**

**Near's not reliable witness**

**To: Matt**

**What the hell? He never lies for anyone**

**From: Matt**

**Yes he does. For you. Under you. On the bed. **

…sometimes I just really wanted to strangle Matt.

**From: Matt**

**For the slow answering I can deduce that you're planning my murder there**

**From: Matt**

**IT WAS A JOKE, don't poison my drink, okay?**

**To: Matt**

**Just focus on the lesson, you twat, so I don't have to come over there.**

**From: Matt**

**But daddy, I'm boooored….entertain me ;)**

**To: Matt**

**Is it your purpose to sound like a horny schoolgirl?**

**From: Matt**

**Yes**

**To: Matt**

**You're sick**

**From: Matt**

**and bored. Why aren't you here spanking me already?**

Matt was obviously _extremely_ bored, because he almost never tantalized me with sexual harassment. It was probably weird to others, but I had gotten used to his stupid text messages. The guy had been however my best buddy like forever.

**To: Matt**

**I will spank your head on the wall if you don't stop right now**

**From: Matt**

**I knew you like it rough**

**To: Matt**

**Just you wait how rough exactly**

**From: Matt**

**Hey, I'll ask Near how rough he likes it**

What? God-fucking-damnit, why did my circle of friends consist of idiotic geniuses? Normal idiots didn't dare to tease people in a way Matt did. He made it almost into art, though Ben was the real master in that genre. Yeah, and with that thought I made myself even sadder.

**To: Matt**

**Don't you fucking dare **

**From: Matt**

**Too late, he's already blushing**

**From: Matt**

**Haha, he's murmuring something like 'I don't know…." **

Oh no. Poor Near. Matt was so stupid sometimes...but then again, how could he know that Near hadn't ever been intimately with anyone?

Wait, no, that's not true. He had that hickey. All of sudden my empathy disappeared, and I was again just pissed and weary.

**From: Matt**

**Haahahahhaahah, you should see how red he is**

**To: Matt**

**What did you do now, you cunt?**

**From: Matt**

**I just asked if he'd care to find out….**

**From: Matt**

…**and maybe something about you being able to give him remedial teaching in that stuff **

At this point, I had to intervene the situation. I didn't want Matt to make Near more uncomfortable, even if I was absurdly pissed of by the dumb hickey.

With a loud sigh I started typing SMS to Near.

**To: Near**

**Is Matt bothering you?**

Fortunately, he was a fast answerer on the phone.

**From: Near**

**A little bit, yes.**

**To: Near**

**Want to get rid of him?**

**From: Near**

**Yes, please.**

**To: Near**

**Recall him about our sleepover two years ago. Say that you know.**

It took a moment, then Near replied with a thank you. Matt also turned his attention back to me.

**From: Matt**

…**You didn't tell him, did you?**

**To: Matt**

**Maybe, maybe no**

**From: Matt**

**Dude, you **_**promised**_** not to tell anyone about it!****You're the fucking worst friend ever**

**To: Matt**

**I thought we already agreed that when Ben went first missing**

**From: Matt**

**Why do you even remember that anymore? It was two years ago! And the movie was fucking scary!**

**To: Matt**

**Oddly enough you were the only one who wet himself**

**From: Matt**

**Wow. Rude.**

**To: Matt**

…**Okay, I didn't tell him. Just leave him alone**

**From: Matt**

**Fine. You're still a little bitch, though.**

**To: Matt**

**ily2**

After that, I put the phone in my pocket and didn't pick it up for the rest of the day.

.

.

Honestly speaking, I had actually no time to get _really _depressed over Ben. Of course we were all sad, for we missed his stupid jokes and strange talks, and I felt incredibly alone in the classes he had been with me. Beyond had been an exhilarating addition in our group, for with him I was never bored. His absence was clearly noticeable, but we didn't talk about it. It's weird how much you can grow fond of one person only in months. But the schoolwork was pushing me over the edges even more, because I had to release my stress into something, and the essays were better than using Matt as a punching bag.

I made myself so busy with writing and reading that I had no chance to mourn. Every now and then when my thoughts wandered to Ben's direction, I just tried to remember that it was _Beyond _for fuck's sake. If someone knew how to run away with highly possibility of doing great, it was certainly him. Like, if Ben met some kind of a dosser or thief on the alleys, I would be more concerned for the mugger than Ben. So I had nothing to worry.

Sometimes I thought about the words he had said before leaving. _A killed himself. They're after me. Institution. _Some crap like that. But who would be after Ben? Had he gotten mixed in some kind of a criminal organization? He talked also about going mad with stress…

Somehow that didn't sound too unfamiliar, and it made me a bit nervous. He had also said that '_they did it to you too', _meaning me and Near. That of course didn't make any damn sense, because Near and I had never seen each other before coming to this university. And he had said something like…some people had made Near and I enemies. And that was absurd, because I liked Near. We were friends. Definitely.

The thing that scared me most in the scene was that Ben had known my name. My _real _name. I had told absolutely nobody about it. Even Matt had no idea what my whole name was…so how could have Ben known? Even if he had hacked the school's files, I was pretty damn sure that my name was Mello Keehl there too. Something was so wrong in that whole thing and it crept the fuck out of me. Most of the strange things that happened to me felt sorta familiar in some way, but that…that was just paranormal. And I definitely didn't like it.

But as usually, my mind didn't stuck in one thing for too long. It took few days, couple weeks, and slowly everything started to feel normal again. Matt and I had gaming nights when we had time from studying, and sometimes we dragged Near with us too. And when I finally remembered to tell Matt about Linda's situation, their rapport returned to normal. Everything seemed to get a little better.

Well, better as in 'not sucking so hard'. The frickin' albino made me more and more curious every time I saw him. With time the hickey had vanished, and there didn't appear new ones. At least wherever I could see them. It was always a possibility that his pale body was full of marks under those light clothes, and for some stupid reason it didn't make me happy at all. But that wasn't the thing that confused me, no. The hickey had vanished for sure, but the shadows under his eyes hadn't. They were always there, reminding me about his dreams…the dreams that were something so unusual that it made him think wrong of himself.

And I didn't have the guts to ask him about the dreams. What would I have said? _'You know what, Near? I actually recorded our conversation when we were drugged and you told me about these strange dreams you've been having! Let's talk about them, shall we?' _….yeah, I didn't think so. Although I tried to be patient. Maybe he would come to talk about them again someday, if I just let him took his time.

.

.

Unfortunately, my mind pushed few other things out of my mind too. It was Saturday evening and I was writing over my desk, not actually concentrating in the work because my mind had taken off. My gaze wasn't even on the paper, just lazily wandering around in the slowly darkening room. I had one of those annoying feelings that I had forgotten something. It was damn irritating, like someone would have yelled me in a language I didn't understand but what I was supposed to get. What the heck had I forgotten?

After a while I was pretty sure it had something to do with Ben, and with another ten minutes I suddenly realized, that I hadn't cleared his cache behind the panel like he had told me to do. Jeez, how was I even able to forget that?

I left my room immediately, and it didn't take long before I was in front of Ben's old room again. In certain situations I could move quicker than Matt when he heard that there was a sale on GameStop. The door was locked, but it wasn't a problem to me. Well, actually it became a bit problematic when one kid I had seen on my biology lectures passed by. I narrowed my eyes at him in a way that said 'talk about this to anyone and I will shove this pin thru your trachea', and he quickly left the corridor.

When I entered in Ben's still messy room, I felt myself getting sad again. The jar of strawberry jam on the table made me almost turn my back to the room and swear that I was never, ever going back there. Ever. But I wasn't some cry-baby, so I pulled myself together and closed the door behind me.

I had to lope over all the stuff he had left there on the floor, because I wasn't entirely sure that they wouldn't blow up on my face. Ben's belongings tend to do that. It was really weird to see his room in a state like that, because he was usually so clean.

I didn't actually know what I was expecting to found behind the panel, but I sure as hell knew it was something a)illegal and b)dangerous.

Well, you could say that about a gun. To me it was illegal, for I didn't have a gun permit. Neither did Ben, I think. And it was dangerous of course, but I didn't stay and worry about that. The whole room was probably a time bomb anyway.

I took the bullets before putting the gun inside my pants, where it settled in rather suspicious way. I tried to pull my black sweater lower to cover it, before turning back to the stash. I don't even really want to know what he would do with the four different kinds of poisons he had bottled there. Of course he had put a jar of that fucking jam in there too, and as my eyes scanned the locker, I noticed that I couldn't possibly empty it without a bag. There was a book, which had people's names and some numbers in it. I quickly put it back, when I remembered how Ben had whispered _'I can see your lifespan'_.

I didn't find anything actually surprising there. Of course I had known that he had drugs and other unlawful things there, but I didn't see anything that would amaze me. I was pretty glad for noticing the shiny keys that peeked behind a bottle of arsenic. They were obviously the keys for the motorbike. After putting them in my pocket, I decided it was enough I could carry. I was already turning around…

But then I saw the rosary. It was on the corner, almost invisible there. With odd familiar feeling, I picked it out of there. My hand quivered as I hold it in front of my face. White and red pearls one behind another and the silver cross in the end of it. Without a warning, my mind went black and sigh blurry.

"_I want Kira's head…" I stated more to myself than the criminals around me "and I'll kill anyone who gets in my way. I'll be number one." _

_Near wasn't going to take this victory away from me. I was going to catch Kira. I was going to win this time, and everybody would see that I was just as good as Near was. That I was better. _

My knees failed me. Fingers still gripping tightly on the pearls I fell to the ground. I breathed rapidly, my heart pounding against my chest painfully. Slowly my vision started to clear, black dots vanishing from my sight.

I sat on the floor trembling about twenty minutes. It had felt harrowing, like someone would have attacked my mind and just messed it all up. My head started to ache immediately after the…apparition, or what the hell it ever was. Was I going crazy? I didn't feel crazy, but then again, none of crazy people did feel like a maniac.

No, I believed in my sanity. Then maybe…schizophrenia? I had read about it, but it didn't sound like it. I didn't want to believe in that. I was sane, and I was healthy.

I decided to believe that I had been momentarily drugged. Maybe Ben had left some of his poison bottles open. Whatever it was, I didn't want to think about it. I was still shivering a little when I stood up. The gun luckily stayed in the position, and I couldn't feel more relieved for taking the bullets out of it. There was always the risk that I would do something stupid, for example have strange visions of myself being obsessed with profit position.

I didn't want to explore the stash more, so I set the panel back to its place and put the rosary on my neck, before leaving the room.

As it was so typical to my luck, I of course hadn't got the chance for escaping to my room in peace. The exact moment that I walked out, Elliot and Near happened to walk on the usually rather empty corridor.

We stopped at the same time, looking at each other in surprise.

"What are you doing here?" Elliot blurted out. Thank god his gaze wasn't suspicious, and he didn't seem to notice the bulge in my pants. I didn't dare to look at Near in fear that he had already located my problem. God, that sounded wrong. I'm talking about the gun.

"I…um…got the keys to the motorbike" I said quickly. Elliot seemed to buy the explanation, since he smiled. Well, why wouldn't he have bought it, it was a truth. Just not all of it.

"Oh. We were just coming from the library. Near helped me with my essay" he uttered cheerily. I still couldn't look at Near, so I smiled to Elliot. Sudden thought occurred in my head…could it be possible that Elliot was the one who did the hickey?

I rejected the idea immediately. Elliot was definitely straight. He was the only one of us that actually dated, and his dates had always been girls.

"Right, I read his and it was great. You got a great helpmate. And speaking of essays, I _really _need to get mine done…um, so, good evening to you guys" my speech came faster than usually, but Elliot didn't look disturbed by it. He just smiled warmly.

"Yeah, right. You could do that on the night before and still get full points. But yeah, nice studying!" he was going to pass me, but stopped when Near started to talk.

"I need to speak with Mello. See you tomorrow, Elliot"

I froze in my place, but Elliot just shrugged. "'Kay, see you."

I lifted my gaze to Near only after Elliot's steps had vanished. And as I had scared, his gray eyes looked straight at my crotch. It felt unbelievably embarrassing, but I managed to keep my pokerface, as if nothing was wrong. But then Near shifted his look to meet mine, and raised his eyebrows on a questioning look.

"Is that a gun on your pants?" he asked.

I wasn't completely wordless, but….yeah, I was completely wordless. How the hell did he discern a gun from cock? Well, I could have phrased that better….

"…no"

Why was I even trying to lie? Near obviously didn't believe me.

"Well if that is your sex organ, then I recommend visiting the doctor."

Now I noticed that the gun was in a sorta weird position. Fuck.

"…fine. It's a gun. How the hell did you know?" I asked, pulling the sweater lower in a foolish attempt to hide the hump.

"You just came out of Beyond's room, and I doubt that you would try to hide anything else. Gun is too conspicuous to carry freely around."

"Right…" I sighed, but then smiled at Near impishly, "Elliot didn't notice it, though….at least now we know where your gaze goes first when you see people"

Instead of blushing cutely, Near just tilted his head in blase position.

"It's quite visible there. How did you even think you'd manage to get in your room without anyone noticing?"

"I don't think anyone else would have come in the conclusion that it's a gun. And I really think that it's not safe to discuss about it here in the middle of hallway."

"Oh." Near frowned. "It certainly isn't."

"So, you want to come over?" I asked. With a small glance at the window's direction I saw that it was already dark.

The albino looked surprised for a moment. He eyed me with an expression I didn't quite understand, but it made me kinda nervous. But before I started to feel myself stupid for asking, he nodded.

"Over the night?" he amplified.

"Yeah, why not? I have a few new movies I want to watch" I shrugged. "And company is always nice."

He looked a bit unsure, but then he met my eyes and smiled a little. "Yeah…why not."

.

.

Although it was the first time Near was going to stay over the night in my room, I didn't feel nervous at all. At that point I could say that we were already good friends. We spent time with each other at lectures and free time, and even if Near still talked mostly only with me, he still was a part of the group.

Well, actually I was a bit nervous at first when we arrived my room. I put my hand in my pants to get the gun out of there, and felt his eyes on me. When I lifted my gaze, he wasn't looking. It was either that I was paranoid, or that he still knew how not to get caught. But my tension disappeared almost immediately after that.

Near didn't ask about the gun anymore, and as I hid the gun under my mattress (I know, original, right?) he went to choose a movie on the pile. It seemed to be a bit hard for him, since he wasn't into really anything. Except maybe cartoons. He gave me a bad look after I said that aloud, and I think it was pretty obvious that he wasn't a great movie freak. I tried to help with asking about genres he liked, but he was irresolute with everything. I was a bit surprised when he finally picked up a horror film, especially when he looked so tense as I went to switch the lights off.

"So you're never seen a horror movie before?" I asked as I jumped next to him on the bed, which we had turned into some kind of sofa with pillows and blankets. Only light we had came from the flat screen tv, where the credits had already started going on.

"No." he said quietly.

I had to control myself not to laugh, because the look in his face was so funny, partly gloomy and partly horrified. He had picked the movie by himself, but it was almost if I had chosen it instead of him.

"I have seen this before…this is going to be so gory. And I think there's few screamers too" I spoke merrily. Actually I hadn't seen it, but the way Near winced to the words was hilarious.

"R-really?" he asked.

"Yeah, really. They're actually pretty horrible. You're definitely going to scream"

Near succeed to scowl at me. "I'm not going to scream."

"Oh, okay…" I said, moving my gaze back to the movie….no, actually I turned instantly back around and shouted 'AAARGHHSSFGTHJ' straight at Near face , making him jump up and scream so high that opera would have hired him to their new soprano.

I fell down to the bed and laughed in a way that I had to wrap my hands around my tummy because my stomach muscles hurt. Near tried to brace himself up, but he was obviously so shamefaced that he just stared at my laughing with a blushed face.

We missed the ten first minutes of the movie in that, but it didn't really matter. When we settled back to our places, Near was already back in his normal lack of expression, and I was smirking like the total bitch that I was.

"Don't worry, you can hold my hand if you're too scared" I grinned.

Near just snorted, not moving his look from the scene on the television.

It turned out that I had to keep my word, because in half an hour Near had already grabbed my hand in a slightly painful grip. No, actually I thought his fingers might have left marks on my skin. I didn't know what it sounded to outsiders who heard us, but Near's scared screams and my unbridled laughing couldn't at least cause positive images.

I might have actually gotten scared too, but I was too disturbed by stupid little details, like how near the albino was, and how my skin felt hot under his touch. Every time screamer flashed to the screen, he moved closer and his hold tightened. And because the movie was basically made of screamers, that happened a lot. I was glad how dark there was, because I probably flushed a little when yet again one screamer startled him, and he buried his face on my shoulder. He didn't move in like fifteen minutes, because he heard the pained cries coming from the characters in the film.

I had to laugh at everything on the screen, because otherwise I would have concentrated a bit too much on the warm body against me. The laughing wasn't hard, though, because the movie was kind of trying too much, so the appearance was absurd.

When it was finally over, the screen went black and we got left in the dark. Near let go of his hold on me, and I felt a little disappointed. Because he had felt warm, of course. It was stupid.

After turning the bedside table's lamp on, we amassed the camp bed that I had under my bed, which Matt used every time he stayed over the night in my room. That actually happened pretty seldom, because he had the couch and all the games in his room. I wasn't ashamed of saying that his room was definitely better place to have sleepovers than mine.

We had started watching the movie early, so it was something like one in the morning, as we laid down on our beds.

"Did you like it?" I asked, laying on my side, face turned to his direction. The position was like that girl's on _Titanic._ I resisted the urge to say 'Draw me like one of your French girls' aloud. Damnit, Matt, for making me watch that movie.

"Honestly?" Near looked a bit more normal than me, his legs lifted up in the fetal position. "No. It was horrible and I didn't understand the point of it."

"Then why did you pick it?"

"I don't know…maybe I was just curious."

I didn't believe him. He had that weird tone in his voice that told me he was lying, but I felt I didn't want to hang on to that.

"Is this your first time in a sleepover?" I asked, maybe a bit straightly, but I didn't feel like putting it subtly out there. When we had gotten Near to play with us in Matt's room, he always left to his own room to sleep. Well, his and Matt's rooms were pretty close to each other, so why not? And we stayed awake in those nights almost the whole night, so he didn't miss anything. Except Matt's stupid innuendos, which started immediately after Near was gone.

"Yeah…it's nicer than I thought." he said ruminatively "Is this what you and Matt do every week? Just…watch a movie and then talk until you fall asleep?"

"More or less. We usually play games at this point too"

Near looked at me curiously. "What kind of games?"

"Well…" I thought about it for a moment. "For example, daring each other do some stupid stuff…or play a truth-game."

"What's that?"

"Um…it's like…If Matt asks me a question, I can decide if I answer to it or not. Truthfully, of course. And if I do, Matt has to answer one of my questions truthfully. And if you don't answer, then the other one doesn't either."

Near was silent for a moment.

"So…if you answer truthfully, you get to ask a question and the other one has to answer it?"

"Yeah. Why? You want to play that?" I asked, a tiny bit tensed up.

Near's gray eyes blinked once before he nodded.

"Okay then…" little excitement started to grow in my stomach. "Do you want to start?"

"…so if you answer this honestly, I _have _to tell the truth also?" he asked, unsure. I nodded, and he went silent again.

He started to twirl a lock of the white hair again, considering the risks and consequences. Finally he anyway opened his mouth.

"Okay. I can start…" he inhaled deeply before asking. "What do you know about the night we were drugged? You said you don't remember and I believe you, but someone could have told you everything that happened, and I'd really like to know."

I felt the blood in my veins frozen. I was fucked. If I wanted to ask Near something, I had to reply honestly to this one. How mad would he be when he heard that I had recorded the conversation?

"I…um…" I decided to be honest, whether I would be screwed or not. "Don't be mad at me, okay? I … might had…um….recorded our conversation..."

I looked warily at Near, but he seemed undisturbed. "I expected something like that. Go on."

"O-okay…so…I asked you about some intimate stuff…but didn't really gain anything about it…"

Near blushed immediately after that sentence. I couldn't help myself thinking about how cute he looked.

"Oh no…" he groaned.

"Don't worry, I haven't told anyone that you're a virgin." I reassured. But that made Near just cover his face with his hands, and I felt incredibly guilty.

"…are you mad at me?" I asked unsurely.

"…no. I'm just…embarrassed"

I raised my eyebrows. "Really? You said that you didn't get embarrassed. Something like 'I'm too indifferent to get embarrassed'"

"I am…or maybe I was. I don't know if I'm that apathetic anymore."

Maybe it was about the company. I don't think he would've been embarrassed with Matt or some other people. Was it just because maybe he cared about my opinion or something?

"Stop blushing, it doesn't matter if you haven't fucked anyone." I gently moved his hands from his face, but he still didn't meet my gaze.

"And that's not even all that you said to me…you told me about these dreams you've been having" I said, and I swear that every drop of blood vanished in his face, because he got pretty damn white. Now he looked me in the eyes, and at that moment, I felt like I finally made him mad.

"…how much did I tell you?" his voice was a tiny bit strained.

"Um…actually, nothing more than that you've been having nightmares and they're not ordinary…I guess." I explained quickly.

Near nodded silently.

"It's your turn to ask." he uttered.

I was a bit astonished.

"So…you don't want to talk about the dreams…?" I asked carefully, but Near's face was blank and I couldn't catch any emotion from his eyes either.

"…I don't like talking about them. And I know I own you a truthful answer, but…please, don't ask about them" his tone was anxious. I definitely didn't want to make him more anguished, so I nodded.

"Okay…then tell me, who made that hickey you had in your neck?"

"….ask something else" he replied, anxiety disappearing from his voice and being replaced by embarrassment again.

"No, I think I'm quite pleased with this question"

"Please, Mello. I don't want to answer."

"That's the whole point of this game. You reveal something you don't want to, and I just responded honestly to your question." I stated.

"But that was embarrassing only for me…" he whined, pulling his blanket over his blushing face.

"Doesn't matter. Now tell me who's the lucky one" I had to put all my concentration on keeping my tone light, when I actually was about to kill that 'lucky one' in my mind.

"…Fine" Near sighed after a moment of silence. "It was…you."

…What? I couldn't find my voice. I was startled. What? What the hell? I don't remember-

Then it hit me. I had been sleeping on top of Near on that night. But I thought nothing had happened…what the hell had I done?

I didn't know if I was confused, angry or delighted. The thought of me being mad at myself all these days was actually so stupid, that I tilted on the delighted-side. I couldn't help myself bursting out an uncontrollable laugh. Near looked at me in bewilderment.

"You're…not mad?" he sounded way too surprised.

"Why would I be mad?" I wiped the tears of laughter out of my eyes.

"I…I thought..." Near shook his head. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you this earlier…I thought that it would make things weird between us…"

I suddenly felt myself getting serious. "Oh. I didn't…? I mean, did we..?"

I think Near's face had never been so red that it was at the moment. He quickly shook his head.

"No, no, no! You didn't even kiss me on the lips…it was just…um…we were drugged. And I can't remember much, but I remember that you did the hickey and then it went all black."

I slowly nodded. Suddenly I felt kinda tired, and when I looked at Near, I noticed the shadows under his eyes. I hoped he would get some sleep.

"We should go to sleep…" I said, resting my head on the pillow, not shifting my gaze from Near's. "That's enough revelation for one day, don't you think?"

"Yeah…" he agreed, then reached to switch the lights off.

In seconds, I couldn't see anything. I hadn't closed my eyes, because suddenly I understood something. I didn't know what Near would say, but I still couldn't help asking.

"…Near?" my voice was quiet.

"…What is it, Mello?" he was at least as silent as I was.

"Did you…did you pick the horror movie so you wouldn't have to explain if you had a nightmare?"

I felt bad, how far Near could go just so he wouldn't have to talk about the dreams. He clearly didn't like horror movies, and he had watched one just to cover up. I was there for him, if he wanted to talk. But I didn't want to push him…I understood, because I didn't want to talk about my visions either.

The silence in the room was louder than words, but finally Near managed to open his mouth.

"…Yes."

"Okay. Good night, Near."

"Good night."

We were awake for twenty minutes, eyes open, though we couldn't see anything. I knew he wasn't sleeping, because he was too still and too quiet. And I knew he knew I wasn't asleep either. We were both quietly thinking about everything other had said.

But then I heard his voice again, fragile and more silent than before.

"…Mello?"

"Yes, Near?"

"Would you…would you wake me up if I scream?"

I didn't even think before answering.

"Of course."

.

.

A/N: oh how I love Mello, that dumbass was jealous of himself cx

I would apologize for this being so damn long, but I am actually not sorry at all


	8. Douchebags

A ray of sunlight that burned straight to my face between the drapes woke me up. At first I was a little tumbled, because I thought it was a school day and waking up naturally wasn't really the best option in that case. But then I remembered that it was Sunday and that I had no rush to anywhere. Oh, and then I remembered the albino who had stayed over the night.

I tried not to look at him for some time. My gaze wondered in already pretty bright room. Even though most of my stuff was black, the light still somehow managed to get everything look golden. I was annoyingly aware of its potential effects on my hair. I probably looked like Goldilocks. Somehow that didn't irritate me as much as it normally would have.

Finally I got the courage to see if Near was awake. Well, he wasn't. Gray eyes were covered by pale lids. He was still sleeping on his side, whole body towards me, but now he wasn't blushing or covering his face. I had never seen him looking so peaceful. The messy platinum hair looked extremely light against the black pillow, and the shadows under his eyes had vanished. That made me finally realize, that he hadn't screamed at night. He hadn't seen nightmares.

I eyed his relaxed face with a glimpse of smile in my face. I was so relieved about so many things. Maybe the most fucked up thing I was happy about was that it was me who had done the hickey. I didn't really know what to think about that, but it certainly made me cheery. But that raised some rather concerning questions in my mind…how much did Near actually remember about the night? And was he sure that I didn't do anything else than the hickey in his neck? No, he had to be sure, for he certainly would have felt it in his lower regions if I had…um….made love to him? Oh fuck that, I am not a five-year-old. I was pretty sure that he would have known if I had fucked him in the ass.

Besides, we had had clothes on. So no worry. But now I was wondering it a bit too much, so I got rid of those thoughts and continued thinking about him not being mad at me for recording the conversation. Thank goodness. And he had slept well, so that was an awesome thing too.

But in a moment I was yet again pulled back to earth from my happy little thoughts. Near was shifting a little, and it didn't take long before he slowly opened his eyes. He took a time to get used of the brightness, before he noted me.

"Good morning" I smiled at him. "You slept well?"

He frowned a little, before nodding. "Yes…is it really morning already?"

I reached my phone from the table and checked the time.

"It's almost ten." I confirmed. Relief spread through Near's face.

He was silent for a moment, before turning his focus back on me. His look scanned my hair, and he smiled.

"Your hair is golden"

"Your hair is white. What's your point?" I wasn't actually displeased, and Near knew that because he didn't stop smiling.

"You look like Goldilocks." he stated.

_Goddamnit, I knew it. _

"And you look like the Snow queen. I _really _don't understand where this is going."

Near just smiled. It must have been rare for him to have a good sleep, and that made me kinda sad. But just for a moment, because smiling Near was a pleasing thing to see.

"Mello…" his voice got suddenly serious. "Do you have any plans for today?"

I pouted my lips as I thought the question.

"Not actually. Why?"

I really had nothing special to do, for my essays were almost done and everyone was stressing about their own schoolwork, so I wouldn't dare to disturb them.

"Could we just spend the rest of the day here? I don't feel like moving…" his voice got quieter in the end, but I felt exactly the same as he. I didn't feel like doing anything either.

"Sure." I promised, then grinned evilly. "Do you want to watch another horror movie?"

"If you want me to squeeze your hand numb again, then why not." he only said, and I think he was happy for the fact that I didn't reject his suggestion.

"Yeah, maybe not. But I'm hungry."

"Me too."

I was genuinely surprised by the answer. I had never seen him eating anything, and I had assumed it was because he just … wasn't hungry. But maybe his lack of appetite was caused by the nightmares, and now that he hadn't dreamed...

I picked my phone again and ordered some pizza and coke.

.

So that's how we spend our morning, just lying in the bed and talking. It was so easy to talk with him that I didn't really even think what I said. It was almost as if I was talking with Matt, without all the stupid jokes. And somehow Near really seemed to be on the same level. But unlike yesterday, we didn't speak anything personal. Nothing about hickeys or weird dreams, just intelligent topics like scientific theories and new murder cases we had heard from the news. Actually we talked about criminality a lot. We were both weird that way, with our abnormal curiosity in that subject.

When the pizza finally came, Near and I started to watch another movie. This time we didn't choose a horror film, but instead one of my total mindfuck-movies. It was fun to the point where Near quailed a sudden voice coming from the film and dropped his pizza on his chest. After that it was _hilarious_. Because Near's blouse was white (woah, didn't see that coming), it got really messy, so he had to borrow one of my shirts.

The size-difference wasn't _that_ big after all, but Near still looked like a child trying his big brother's clothes. I tried not to stare at him while he changed, but I still got a pretty good look of his pale back. He probably didn't even know how visible his bones were, and I made a promise to myself to make him eat properly every day. But when he glanced over his shoulder, I got awfully interested in the movie again. Didn't want him to catch me ogling like some creep. Gladly, he wasn't the only one who knew something about timing.

So we continued watching the movie, me in my tank top and boxers, Near in my black shirt and white pajama pants. God, he looked funny. He had to tell me many times not to laugh at him, but I couldn't help it. If I hadn't chuckled, my mind would have probably started thinking stupid thoughts like how he actually looked kinda cute and that my stomach tickled a little when the sleeve slipped over his shoulder.

My phone got my attention when Matt started texting me.

**From: Matt**

**Heey m8, are u still sleeping?**

**To: Matt**

**Nope **

**From: Matt**

**Then let's go to downtown, I need to buy some stuff**

**To: Matt**

**First of all, you don't need more stupid games, you're drowning on them already. Second, you have to do the freaking essay. And third, I can't. I'm with Near.**

That was my big mistake, because Matt immediately forgot his games.

**From: Matt**

**OH, I get it! Was he over the night?**

Sigh.

**To: Matt**

**Yes.**

**From: Matt**

**You lucky bastard ;) **

**To: Matt**

**Shut up you sick twat, we just watched a movie and then went to sleep**

**From: Matt**

**Aww, how cute, did you spoon?**

**To: Matt**

**IN DIFFERENT BEDS, YOU IDIOT**

Near noticed the face I made, and raised his eyebrows.

"Is it Matt?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Do I want to know what's up?"

"Absolutely not."

My phone beeped again for the sign of new message.

**From: Matt**

**You can't fool me, charmer. Did you remember to use protection?**

**To: Matt**

**Fuck off. **

**From: Matt**

**Do I get to be the godfather if there'll be little Mellos and Nears in nine months?**

**To: Matt**

**Do you have any idea how human biology works? Just fyi, 2 men can't have kids.**

**From: Matt**

…**.wait, you're not a girl?**

At this point I almost threw the phone to the wall because of that comment. When I was younger, people often mistook me to be a girl because I was so petite. No one had thought so in several years, for I was much taller, more muscular, and my hair didn't look like a bowl. I didn't look feminine at all. Still it riled me like hell when someone joked about it.

**To: Matt**

**I will skin you. **

**From: Matt**

**JUST KIDDING, Mels! I know you're a big boy **

**From: Matt**

**And you would have been on top even if you were a girl, so don't worry!**

"You should put the phone down, Mello. Your blood pressure is growing." Near said next to me, but I didn't put the mobile away. I was about to use every curse I knew for my next SMS, but Matt was quicker.

**From: Matt**

**Okay, sorry, sorry. I'm just bored. Can I come over too?**

I sighed, but still turned to Near.

"Is it okay if that dickhead joins us?"

"Yeah, sure." he replied.

**To: Matt**

**Fine. Just bring me chocolate. **

**From: Matt**

**My pleasure. **

.

Matt made his ingress a bit too showy. He didn't knock, so we were startled like hell when he stormed in, and before we even got time to realize, he took a picture with a camera that looked suspiciously like Linda's.

Right, so Matt took a picture of us? No big deal. Except it was a fucking big deal, because Near had taken a hold on my hand in fright, and we looked like a secret couple that just got caught cuddling. Especially when Near had my shirt on.

We couldn't do anything, when Matt had already left the room. I rushed after him to the door, but for my surprise, he came back with his own will. Without the camera.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" I pulled him inside by the collar, and shut the door behind him. Matt just smiled and shrugged.

"Linda needed pictures in her art project, and since you guys are so photogenic…" he explained, still smirking.

"She can't fucking use my pictures without a permission!" I growled.

"So what are you going to do? Sue her? C'mon, don't be so huffy. It's not her fault that I caught you cuddling-"

"WE WERE NOT CUDDLING!" I shout at his face, but Matt's smile wasn't so easily wiped off.

"Then you have nothing to be ashamed of, eh? It's just a pic. Or does it disturb Near?"

Both Matt and I turned our look on Near, who watched us with blunt expression.

"I really don't care one way or another."

I was yet again astonished how indifferent Near could be towards people's opinions, and I felt kinda ashamed for making a scene. I didn't care what people thought either. Slowly I let my hold on Matt's shirt.

"Fine. Just ask next time, okay?" I snapped, and Matt nodded.

We went back to the movie, but this time there was a proper space between Near and I.

"Don't let me be a cockblocker." Matt said grinning, and I had to reach my hand over Near to slap the back of his head.

.

.

The deadline to return the essays was close, and for the next week, students seemed to be pretty stressed out. Well, except my friends. We either had done them already, or some of us (Matt) just didn't care. Still, it was weird how full the library seemed to be in evenings. We spent more time in the nicely desolate lounge. We all got our own couches, there was no hullabaloo around us and we were settled near a vending machine, so I got a new chocolate bar whenever I liked.

Though I was pretty frustrated for the fact that Matt hadn't still done anything for the fact that he still liked Linda. His struggling wasn't nice to follow. They shared one couch, Matt playing handheld console game and Linda taking pictures of us. I noticed how they both regularly glanced each other from the corner of their eyes. Jeez, how stupid can you be? They obviously were interested in each other, so why didn't they do anything?

Jamie and Elliot tossed some kind of ball to each other from the different corners their couches were. It was kinda disturbing how the ball flew back and forth in front of me, since few times it almost hit me in the face. Thank goodness I got fast reflexes. Chris was on an easy chair reading, and next to him in another one was Near playing with his toy robots. I really can't understand how he had the guts to do that publicly, but no one in our gang ever questioned it. So what, Near played with toys? Matt was addicted with games, I ate tons of chocolate in a year. We all had some sort of obsession.

…And that made me remember Beyond and that damn strawberry jam again. Why was it always that when I was starting to feel pretty relaxed, something in my mind just wakes up and fucks up everything so I feel bad? I couldn't escape the thought that Ben had promised to call me, but it had been a damn long time and no one had heard anything from him. That son of a bitch still made me worried.

To turn my thoughts out of Ben I decided to do something useful instead. I started staring at Matt for so long that he noticed, and then I glanced at Linda in a 'Go for it, you idiot'-way. I think our mental conversation went something like:

"_Go on, ask her out or something!"_

"_NO, and stop glancing, she'll notice!"_

"_Isn't it her attention that you want?"_

"_You can't give me relationship advice when you can't even help yourself."_

"_What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" _

"_Ugh, nothing. What if you'd just keep your nose in your own affairs, bitch?" _

"_Did you just call me bitch, bitch?"_

"_Maybe I did, bitch."_

After that began pretty nasty staring contest, and our mental discussion got so ugly that most of the words were curses that we had invented our own. Not anything pretty, I assure.

I don't know if it was lucky or not that Near and Linda noticed our glaring and intervened. Linda asked Matt's opinion about some picture she had taken, and Matt smiled me smugly before turning to Linda. Near moved to sit next to me with his robots.

"What was that all about?" he asked, putting the toys aside.

I snorted, not lifting my gaze from now cheerily talking Linda and Matt. I don't know why it annoyed me even more now that they finally got each other's attention.

"Matt needed some encouragement in stuff." I only said, but Near seemed to be pleased with the answer, since he didn't enquire more.

We both turned our attentions back to where ever it had been. Near started to fumble the robots and I…well, I just thought. About everything. Though mainly about the fact that there was shadows under the albino's eyes again. I didn't know why I hadn't noticed, but he looked tired again. He had been obviously seeing those dreams. Near hadn't come to sleep over after the last time, and that time he hadn't had any nightmares. Could someone's presence have some effect on his sleeping? Or was it just lucky coincidence that that night he had slept well?

I took a quick look at him. He seemed to be so…in control of his acts and expressions. I couldn't possibly know how much the nightmares affected him, or what the hell they even were about. Actually the only things that revealed his sleeplessness were those lavender eyelids. Without his physical tiredness I wouldn't have guessed anything. He didn't want to talk about them, but how the hell could I help without his acceptance?

Well, I was one to talk. I was the one who had strange dreams too, before taking the sleeping pills. Not to mention my crazy hallucinations, which I hadn't talked to anybody at all. Near had at least told me about his problems, but no one knew mine.

Suddenly I got the feeling that the gray eyes were on me. I had refined that skill for the best, and knew almost every time when he scanned me. But Near had done the same thing with his 'turn away before he catches me'-powers. He had already turned his eyes from me when I skimmed over him. The white hair waved still a little for the movement, and that was the only thing that gave him away. I didn't know why we had to look at each other by stealth like it was some kind of a secret, but I couldn't help myself from moving my gaze before he caught me.

Yeah, we were dumbasses.

And apparently not the only ones there. I lifted my gaze back to Near when I heard chuckling. Behind him were few of the thugs that I had saved him from ages ago. They seemed to think Near's playing was something hilarious, since one of them took them out of his hand and continued laughing.

"Is this Optimus Prime?" he asked.

Now all of our gazes pointed at them, and I was pretty surprised that they still weren't running away as fast as they could.

"You have rather good knowledge about the matter, considering that you seem to find them somehow amusing." Near stated with an expressionless face.

The guy flushed slightly, which looked ridiculous in his large face. He dropped the toys back to Near.

"Are you mocking me?" he asked, this time no laughter in his voice. The two other guys behind him looked a bit annoyed too.

"I'm surprised that someone with your IQ found the sarcasm behind the sentence. Congratulations." Near stated, making Matt snigger and the rest of us smirk.

Now the toughie went full red, glaring at Near dangerously. None of us were really worried about him, because the moment that toughie would rise his hand to touch Near, the next second he would be choking on my foot.

Luckily the guy understood enough to glance around, and when he saw my face, I knew he wouldn't do anything. My expression said clearly '_Yes, he's a sassy bitch, but he's our sassy bitch. What're you going to do about it?"_

He made probably the first smart choice in his life, turning around and leaving us alone. Near viewed me for quietly for a moment.

"Thank you." he finally said.

"For what?"

"For being scary." this time he had a small smile on his lips.

"Yeah, no problem."

.

.

Later that day, when I was about to return the book I had borrowed to the library, I met the toughie again. Well, actually, I walked into him. He's the one who kept apologizing, though.

"Sorry, sorry, I didn't watch where I walked" he said like the third time.

"Yeah, yeah…" I picked my book up from the floor it had fell, and was about to move on, but he wasn't obviously finished.

"Um…so, why exactly are you friends with that guy?"

I stopped and turned around, wondering how stupid that guy even was. I wasn't sure if he was worth my while, my I still stayed.

"Near?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. The douchebag just nodded.

"He's so weird." he shoved his hands on the pockets, and somehow he seemed to be a little nervous. That got my interest.

"Why?" I asked, tilting my head. The hallway around us was empty, so I had no fear for eavesdroppers.

"Well, you know. He plays with toys. Who does that in our age?"

My curiosity vanished. Oh, jeez, Near plays with _toys? _How have I missed that in all that time he had spent with us? Goddamnit that guy was stupid.

"Yeah, I've noticed." I rolled my eyes and was about to turn around, but his next words made me stop.

"That's not all…my room is near to his, and sometimes when I wake up at night, I can hear his screaming there. I don't know what the hell is up with that. And it's like every night that same."

I felt myself growing pale. Were Near's dreams that bad? Was he screaming there on his room every night, seeing things he didn't want to? ….I was so sorry for him.

"Fine, he screams in his sleep. Is there some particular reason you're telling me this?"

The guy just shrugged.

"You seem like a cool guy, and I though you should stay away from him."

"Right." I snorted. "I think I can choose who to spend my time with. Thanks for the info, anyway."

Then I left him there. I was angry and worried, and my curiosity for Near's dreams was starting to grow unbearable. I wanted to help him, but how could I have helped him if he didn't let me?

.

.

A/N: Sorry guys, this one was pretty short…I'm in flu though, so let's pretend that's a good excuse, okay? B)


	9. Security

_I ran mindlessly, bounding over dead bodies that filled the room. I needed to get to the monitor room, quickly. No one could see my face, now that I knew Kira was involved. Everything was failing again. My plan was supposed to be perfect! But of course I hadn't thought everything trough, like Near would had. That fucking brat._

_With the rush of adrenaline I got into the surveillance room. And I knew it from the first sigh I laid to the TV-monitors; I was the last one left. It couldn't be helped. I needed to blow shit up. _

_._

This time when I woke up, I didn't scream, I didn't tremble, I did nothing. I just stared at the ceiling in pure horror, numb from the fear. I still felt like being there, sitting on the table in front of the monitors that showed dead mafia members and people from Japanese police force. Slowly I got my senses back. My mind started working. I was in my own room, I wasn't part of the mafia, and I definitely didn't blow anything up.

I pulled myself up on a sitting position. Clock showed half eight in the morning. My wake-up would have been in half an hour, so it really didn't matter that I had woken up. I drove my fingers through my hair, trying to think.

It was hard to recall last night, if I had remembered to take the sleeping pill. They had worked great so far, so why would they suddenly stop affecting? No, I had probably forgotten.

Besides, it didn't matter now. Today was the day that we returned our essays, and I had to quickly go them through for the possible mistakes of some sort. I always had few that I didn't notice, but now it felt kinda useless. I knew I was going to get good scores.

Still feeling rather scared deep inside, I jumped out of the bed and left to get myself some coffee.

.

.

I settled down in my usual spot in English lecture. I wasn't in a good mood at all. The dream had actually frightened the shit out of me, and I knew without looking into the mirror that I had bags under my eyes. I wasn't vain, okay? I just needed to feel myself good-looking, and because I almost never got bad hair days or any that kind of stuff, I felt unbelievably annoyed every time I had some sort of imperfection showing. And I couldn't even whine to Matt because I had forgotten my phone in my room.

Plus, whenever I saw the empty seat on my right side I nearly rushed out of the classroom. It seemed like the universe was laughing at my face. '_You look like a panda bear and Ben hasn't called. Haha, you loser.' _Why was my life like that?

I don't even know how pissed I looked like, because the next thing I noticed was that someone sat on the seat behind me. I lifted my gaze up, and saw Near's deep gray eyes scanning me. I was kinda surprised, because this was the first time he sat on that place. He hadn't done it before, maybe because he liked his own place two rows behind, or maybe he just thought it would be unnecessary to move. But now he sat there, and I could only reason that he did that because of my annoyed/melancholic expression.

"What's wrong?" he asked, and I almost laughed. He had the exact same shadows under his eyes, he was the one who screamed at night so loud that he woke up people on the nearest rooms. And yet, he was the one who was worried about _me._

"Just…missing Ben." I said, not meeting his gaze. I couldn't tell him about the dream. His were worse.

I didn't know if he fully believed me, but after a moment of silence he just nodded.

"Is that new?" he said suddenly. "That rosary."

My gaze fell down to my chest, were the silver cross gleamed. I didn't know why I used it, since it linked to the moment where I saw that oppressive vision, but…somehow it made me feel more secure.

"This? Um, yeah…I found it in Ben's cache." I explained.

Near's stare had something in it. I didn't know if it was bewilderment or recognition, but it made me a little nervous. But in seconds he was just his normal self, expressionless and bored-looking.

"It suits you." he just said, and then turned his attention to the teacher, who started to collect the essays.

After that, we didn't talk until in the end of the lecture. I could never say hundred percent surely, but it seemed like he was a bit tense the whole time. Why did that guy had to be so freaking mysterious? Sometimes I had bigger chances to understand Matt's drunk babbling than his acts.

He turned back to me like ten minutes before the teacher stopped lecturing.

"Matt asked if you're mad at him for something." he lifted his phone. "Since you don't answer his messages."

I sighed. "Give me your phone."

Without a question, he gave me the phone. I had a small urge to check their earlier conversations, but I kept my curiosity under control.

**To: Matt**

**Hey fuckface, I forgot my phone in my room. **

**-Mello**

**From: Matt**

**Oookay. When your lecture is over, see me at the exit next 2 the chemistry class. I decided that we shall skip the gym, my dear Mello.**

My eyes got stuck in those two last words.

Dear Mello.

And like the nightmare hadn't been enough, I felt my head's security walls breaking down.

_The picture of me. That stupid bowl-cut hair and happy smile. I was just a kid back then…just ignorant, innocent kid. _

_I turned the photo around, and the words he had written were like a slap to my face. _

_Dear Mello._

Without even realizing it, my hand had risen to my forehead, trying to control the ache which pulsed deep in my mind. I couldn't help the groan that left my lips.

"Mello?" Near sounded concerned. "Mello!"

"W-what?" I uttered weakly, turning my eyes to him.

The gray eyes were wide and the light eyebrows were wrinkled together. The look in his face was suspicious and uncertain, as if he had made conclusion but wouldn't quite believe it himself.

"What happened? You got pale and obviously had some kind of pain in your head." he said, somehow accusingly.

"I…just slept a little badly last night, so my head aches a little." I made a ridiculous excuse, that neither of us didn't seem to buy. It was half-truth though, like most of my sentences nowadays.

But Near didn't argue, just looked at me appraisingly before turning back to his normal blunt look.

"Have you finished the conversation with Matt?"

"N-no, just a sec…" I turned my attention back to the phone.

**To: Matt**

**Sure.**

.

.

The next day we had returned all of our essays and people seemed to get relaxed again. Library was probably damn empty again, but I really hadn't got a chance to go there and ensure it myself.

The thing that I noticed that day was how carefully Near observed my every move, as if he wanted to catch me doing something abnormal. Having another headache attack, for example. From the first lecture to the lunch, I felt his eyes on me, and of course when I tried to meet his gaze, he had already turned away.

I didn't know what was up. Why was he so curious about this? Did he somehow know what had happened to me? Did he know about the visions? But that would have meant that he had them too, which would be pretty far-fetched even for me to think. Then again, if he had the visions, then our dreams would probably have something in common too….

No, it was absurd. My dreams weren't extraordinary in any way. They had people in them I knew, and the rest of them could be just my sick imagination. And all the feelings in those nightmares…well, I had always been pretty emotional, so I probably just directed all the stress into my dreams.

Still, Near's inspecting was making me nervous, since I didn't even have any proofs that he actually did it. I was of course positive that his eyes were on me the whole damn time, but he could easily just say that I was paranoid if I asked him about it.

But when I settled to our corner table in lunch break, I finally got enough. He was sitting there next to Chris, and I felt his eyes burning on my profile.

"Why are you staring at me?" I snapped in frustration, turning to Near. Now I had every eye from the table on me. I didn't care about other's surprised looks, just focused on the albino.

"I'm just…concerned for your headache." he said with monotone voice, and I couldn't believe that he had just admitted it like that. Our friends followed the conversation dead quiet.

"Why the fuck would you? It was yesterday." I didn't know why I was so irritated. Maybe it was for the fact that had never been so close to reveal my own problems to him.

"I know, but you still look a bit sick." he said calmly, lifting his stupid slim fingers to twiddle the stupid white hair.

"You look sick all the time, and I still don't stare you." My voice sounded poisonous, but Near just blinked slowly, not affected by the words at all.

"Hey, dude..." Matt interrupted, looking a little worried. "Calm down, he's just cares for your health."

I shifted my sharp look to him, but he didn't even flinch, for he was pretty used to my raging.

"Shut up, Matt." I just snapped.

"What's your problem, Mello? I don't get why you're so uptight about this." Linda said, obviously going defensive for Matt.

"And I don't remember inviting you into the conversation." I felt my blood heating. I was so stressed and emotional because of the dreams and those fucking visions, and now it all just broke the surface.

"Mello, what's wrong-?" Chris tried to start, but my vicious stare got him silent. He leaned back to his bench, trying to escape my anger.

But now I felt the gray eyes on me again, and I turned back to him furiously.

"Why the fuck you won't stop staring at me?" I shout at him, and got even angrier when his expression didn't change.

"I said it already. I'm concerned."

"Well, you have no reason to be!"

We looked at each other in the eyes for a moment, Near placidly observing my seriously pissed off expression, as our friends stayed quiet.

"Why do you use sleeping pills?" he asked, tilting his head. "I saw the package in your bedside table."

"That's none of your fucking business." I spoke through gritted teeth. I was dangerously close to explosion. I tensed my muscles, just staring at Near furiously. I hated how he didn't show any emotion.

That was the point when Matt knew he had to intervene properly. He knew me better than any of them, so he just jumped up, circled the table and lifted me up by my arm.

"Yep, we're going to have a little walk."

I didn't protest when he started to tote me with him to the exit. I tore my gaze from Near's, and turned around to walk on my own, shooking Matt's hand off me. Still, I followed him out.

.

.

"Okay, what the hell got into you?" Matt said after leading us to the lounge and pushing me to sit on the couch, when he himself stood and looked at me strictly, not seeming his usual impish self at all.

I actually didn't know how to answer the question. Near annoyed me because I'm scared that he might know that I have these strange visions and even stranger dreams? Yeah, right.

"I…I don't want him to stare at me!" I said, sounding like an angry little preschooler.

"Yeah, like it was really about that. And what did he say about sleeping pills?" Matt looked now more worried than stringent.

"I had some trouble with sleeping earlier this semester, so I got pills. What's the big deal?"

Matt sighed, and then looked at me for a moment with that annoying, knowing look in his eyes.

"Fine." he said finally. "I don't know what's going on between you two right now, but try to be reasonable, okay?"

"Right, okay." I muttered. "I need some fresh air. I won't be in next few lectures."

I bounced up from the sinking sofa, and Matt didn't stop me as I left the room.

.

.

The weather was great. Sun was shining, it wasn't too windy and there were no clouds anywhere. I leaned to the motorbike Ben had left to me. World was mocking me again, making these beautiful days just to remind me how sad it all was underneath. I fought with Near and Ben was gone. Why was I so stupid? Why did I let him go? Hey, I'm Mihael Keehl, but I hope you don't say it out loud because I'm fucking scared of my own name.

At least I had the motorbike. It was probably the only Beyond's belonging that I would ever use. Though it was mine now, so why wouldn't I? I had already taken a helmet with me, in intention to go driving. But I didn't know where to go, and I would probably be just as messed up when I'd come back. And I had no driving license of course, but that was a side issue.

Sighing, I just looked at the stupid, bright blue sky. I wasn't sure if I was really so angry that I made myself believe. It was more like…I was scared. I didn't want Near to think I was some kind of a freak. He had dreams, and so did I, but I had some visions too. Was I a maniac? I didn't think so. I didn't want to think so.

I sighed loudly again, but then tensed when I heard soft steps coming near me on the asphalt. I lifted my head. And saw the petite guy in his usual white shirt and gray jeans.

"…Hey." Near said quietly. Although his face was quite expressionless, his eyes looked a bit…apologizing.

I turned my gaze back to the sky. "I'm not really in the mood for this." I said, voice sounding hoarse.

"I'm not here to bother you. I just came to apologize."

Was I surprised? Kinda. Near wasn't the type to apologize when he hadn't actually done anything wrong. I moved my eyes back to him again, but he wasn't looking at me. I wondered if it was for the fact that I had shouted him not to.

"You don't have to apologize. I'm just in kinda sensitive mood right now." I replied, waiting for him to lift his gaze. He didn't.

"Are you mad at me?" he asked, and then did the familiar movement, lifting his fingers to his platinum hair. How disturbingly cute.

"No." I sighed. Then I suddenly realized something. "Did you skip your lecture just to apologize to me?"

Now he finally looked at me, raising his eyebrows a little. "Yes. Do you think it would have been necessary for me to be there?"

I shrugged. "I suppose not. I don't think I'm gonna go there today again. Want to take some time off?"

Near looked a bit surprised for the suggestion, but then nodded. I felt relieved. I didn't want to fight with him, no matter how much the thought of him knowing had scared me. It had been childish.

"So, hop in!" I tossed the black helmet to him, and his expression changed to a tiny bit worried one.

"...Where are we going?" he asked, and for that I knew he had never been on a motorcycle before.

I threw my leg over the seat and settled down before looking back at him. "Downtown, I suppose. First I have to buy another helmet, though. There's this one shop a block away."

Near looked nervously at the motorbike, but finally he put the helmet on and sat behind me. I turned the keys in the lock.

"Take a good hold." I smirked, and he wrapped his hands around my waist so tight that I hardly got any air. "Are you trying to choke me?" I added, but he didn't loosen his grip.

"Just drive." he stated, and grinning I stomped the kick start pedal.

.

.

I don't know how long we drove around, just weaving between the cars in middle day's traffic jam, straying and going where ever the road took us. I loved it, loved the feeling of the speed, the adrenaline in my veins, and the tight hold Near kept on me. His grip hardened every time I revved, and it somehow made me do that a lot. The sun burned warm on us, and I felt free. I was happy that Ben had left the bike to me. At least I had something to reveal my stress with. I didn't think about that stupid fight (well, it was a fight mainly in my part) anymore.

I suppose we had driven for something like two hours, when I parked on the street and we continued afoot. We didn't really know where we were going, so we just wandered around, talked, and stopped over in few shops. It was definitely more interesting than spending the day on some boring lecture, listening to useless stuff we already knew. It was funny to say so –_we _already knew. Near was probably the only one who could identify with me in that matter.

People of course gave us a few looks as we passed them, because you don't see gorgeous man like me every day. Or maybe it had more something to do with the fact that Near was a white dot in the middle of brunettes and blondes. And I looked like a troublemaker. As we entered to one mall, I immediately got security guard's suspicious glare on me.

"Should I steal something just to get him feel better for being prejudiced dickhead?" I asked Near from the corner of my mouth.

"What are your chances of getting caught? I don't think it would be useful if he'd never know." he replied, and I smirked.

Well, I didn't steal anything. I brought new leather gloves, though. I was about to use them in bitch slapping purposes, but Near wouldn't let me go to the guard who had followed us around the shopping center. I had to be satisfied with just grinning at the guy smugly every time we moved to another shop.

"Do you have to provoke him? It's annoying how he follows us everywhere." Near tried to get me from fucking with the guy, but I couldn't help myself. We continued the shopping with the guard practically three meters away, glowering at us like a professional.

The albino had no wallet with him, so I bought him some kind of an action figure he looked at one shop little too long. He protested of course, but when I said "You can't tell me how to live my life", he just sighed and let me buy it to him. After that he didn't look interested in anything, probably in the fear that I would buy him more stuff. But he smiled at me after getting the toy, so I guess he was actually happy about it.

And then again, I just wanted everything that looked even part-way good. When I had bought two new shirts, my first other-than-black garment alias dark red coat with fur in the hood (It went together with the rosary. Okay, maybe I was a bit vain.), three bars of chocolate and a new notebook, I realized we couldn't carry million plastic bags with us on the motorbike, so I had to buy myself another black backpack.

Near was growing sorta tired of shopping, since it started to be pretty late afternoon, so we decided to go find some good coffee house. But at that point, I was really, really, _really _pissed with the douchebag guard, so I couldn't help myself.

I stopped at the exit, and turned to look at the guard with so conceited smirk that I would have kicked anyone's ass if they had that kind of expression near me.

"Mello, what are you-? No, don't-!" Near realized what I was about to do, but it was too late. I had winked to the security guard and rushed through the doors as if I had stolen something. If I hadn't grabbed Near by his hand, I don't think he would have understood to run.

The guard of course ran immediately after us. We flee from the guy in the streets back and forth, just taunting him, but at one point I couldn't help laughing so much that I had to stop running, and Near was next to me full red and panting. At that point I realized that he never actually had that much exercise, and that made me laugh even louder.

"Y-you-" the guard finally reached us. "-I need to-" he tried to chuff. Gosh, even Near had better fitness. "-I need to take you with me." he finally gagged out.

At last I got control over myself and turned to look his angry, red face with innocent smile.

"Why's so?" I asked, and the man looked at me in awe.

"I have a reason to believe you stole something from the store." he huffed, and Near sighed. I just smiled wider.

"You can check my bag, I have receipts of everything I bought." I just said calmly.

He went from words to deeds, and soon he noticed that I hadn't lied. I got all the receipts, but the guy still didn't leave us. We had to go with him to check the security cameras, but when there was nothing there either, we had to explain to the wrathful guard why we had left running.

"We tried to reach to the bus that goes near our university, but we didn't make it, so we changed the direction and were about to find taxi, and that's why we run back and forth the streets." I made up story the same time I spoke it out, and the guard muttered curses under his stinking breath.

"With no evidence, you're free to go." he finally allowed reluctantly.

I laughed the whole way to the coffee house.

.

.

"Do you do that much with Matt?" Near asked, twiddling the string of the tea bag he had in his cup.

We were settled next to the window in a nice little café, and I got time to rest my stomach muscles from laughing. Neither of us was hungry, so the albino took just a white tea, and to serve my desire for chocolate I took a mint cocoa.

"What, trick the security guards?" I smirked on my hot chocolate. "Every damn time we're here."

"We could have gotten into real trouble because of that, you know." he stated pretty truthfully, but it didn't really matter. Just fucking with that shitface was enough to make my day.

"That's the funny thing. The risk." I tilted my head, scanning his pale face. He had seemed to have enjoyed the day, or that's what I had managed to understand from the bright look in his eyes.

"Yeah, I guess the risk is part of the fun…though it only works for you. You're acting impulsively, for I never would do something like that." he stated thoughtfully, and I wasn't sure if I understood right, but it seemed like he had just complimented me about being so…emotional.

"I think your calmness is more admirable trait than my impulsiveness." I said, perfectly honest. He had no idea how many times I would have replaced every of my stupid feelings for his self-control.

Near blinked his eyes, face completely expressionless. "I disagree."

"Why?"

"Because…where would be all the heroes without impulsive acts?" he tilted his head at me, making the white hair waver in the way I had learned to adore. "The people who manage to kick the gun out of robber's hand with pure power of adrenaline and emotion? Or the people who run back to the burning house to get their loved ones out of there, just because it would hurt much more to die with them than to live without them? In a situation like that, I would be just thinking a perfect way to clear everything up, but while I'd do that, everything would have just burned to the ground."

"Maybe you're right in that, but what about the problem starting from the impulsiveness itself?" I asked, frowning. "When the robber was just blinded with anger or despair? Or when the person who lighted the fire up was acting on a whim?"

"So, would you think it was better that the robber would had thought about the situation, planned every move ahead and completed the plan perfectly? And what about in the case of arson?"

"That would be kinda cold-blooded, to be honest. But we're taking this way too far, because only a fraction of people possess those features so strong. Average people could act on impulsive, but also keep themselves calm when needed."

"But we're not average people, are we?" Near asked, but it sounded more like a statement.

"Are you implying that I don't know how to control my acts?" I asked, smiling a little impishly.

The boy stopped playing with the string of the tea bag. "No. Are you implying that I couldn't act on impulse?"

"No, I think you actually could lose your overly good control if you wanted to, but I don't think you want to."

"What about risks? Do you think I could take them carelessly like you?" he asked, doing that annoingly adorable head-tilt again.

"Sure, why not?" I shrugged, though the idea of Near taking risks or being controlled by his emotions was pretty abstract.

"Then I would like to take one risk now." he inhaled before continuing. "Why do you eat those sleeping pills?"

I just stared at him for a moment. The gray eyes looked at me strongly, and I think he didn't even know how big his risk was. If I had been in a different state of mind, I would probably have started to yell again. But then again, he knew I was in a good mood, so it lowered the risk a lot.

"You know what? Let's take this in a truth-game way. I tell you why, and you own me one truth." I made a suggestion.

Near considered the offer for a long time. I looked at him as his brilliant mind worked, separated the pluses and minuses, before making the decision.

The look in his eyes was still a bit uncertain, but he nodded. "Fine. Go ahead, tell me."

"Well…so you wanted to know why I take sleeping pills…?" I had sorta hoped that he wouldn't agree, but this was no time to think about that. Would I lie? No, that would be just unfair. But telling him…well, at least I didn't have to explain the visions. "I…had nightmares too. Only two, actually. But that was enough for me. I couldn't possibly...I couldn't take them."

Near listened in pure silent, his gray eyes making notes of my every movement. I couldn't catch a single thought from his face.

"What…what were they about?" he asked quietly, and now I was sure he knew about the risk. But I had promised the truth, so I would tell him.

"It was…um…you were there. And…I think we were competing of something. My thoughts of you weren't so nice…and I think I was some sort of criminal. It's stupid. But everybody just kept dying and…" I couldn't continue. I was already choking on my own words, so no way in hell I would tell him anything more.

Near seemed to understand. He nodded, and I was about to ask him a question in my turn, but then my gaze spotted a certain angry security guard on the street, glancing around furiously.

"We gotta go." I bounced up quickly and pulling the bag on my back.

Near noticed the guard too and seemed pretty confused, but still followed me to the back door which was in completely other direction than the guard.

"What did you do?" he asked as we left the café.

"I might have stolen his wallet while he watched the security tapes and then put it on the monitor table." I explained, smirking again. "He probably didn't notice it there."

.

.

A/N: I just really want to write them making out like GODDAMNIT GUYS JUSt would you realize that u love each other okay?

Wait, what do you mean I am the author and I actually can do that?

asdfnjgnhjkmkkdkjnfljdl


	10. Progress

I drove mindlessly on the road again, trying to put my thoughts in order that would make some kind of sense. The sun was already rather low, and soon it would be sunset. I didn't want to go to the campus quite yet, since I had had so interesting day and didn't want it to end. I had no idea what the albino behind me thought, or if he wanted to get back already, but I knew he would say something if he'd felt our time together being too much. My company was a bit overwhelming at times, and that day had been one of those times. The emotions inside me moved like a roller coaster, from annoyed to happy and then a bit anguished, and I suppose it was a bit difficult to be around people so capricious as I was.

Suddenly I knew where I wanted to go. At least I had a time to think as I speeded up, away from the downtown to a completely different direction from where our university was. The small arms around me tightened their grip. There was a little tense in his being, which I could only reason that he knew what I was about to ask in exchange for my honest answer in our truth-game. Or maybe he was just that afraid of my careless driving, I couldn't be sure.

But I was sure about the fact that he wouldn't get away with his problems anymore. I wanted to understand, I _needed _to understand. So he would have to tell me about the dreams he had. What was so strange in them? Mine were terrible, but I still would classify them as something completely normal in human psychology. Everybody had nightmares, so why was Near so fearful to reveal his?

Then again, of course, I didn't want to talk about mine either…

I halted the bike again when we were a little further from the downtown.

"Why are we stopping?" Near asked as he lifted the helmet out of his head. I jumped off my seat and locked the bike before turning back to him.

"I want to go to the roof." was all I explained. The building next to us was a bit taller than others and it had fire escape that led all the way up. I actually had gone there only once before, and it was just because Matt and I got lost in the city, and decided to look the way on the top of the place. It showed up that we weren't in fact lost, we had just turned around on the wrong corner and everything had just seemed unfamiliar.

God, Matt and I together formed one big dumbass. It was great that I hadn't that problem with Near.

The albino followed me without a word to the ladders, and soon we had climbed up. The roof was flat as in those kind of buildings usually was, and the metal fence surrounding it was high enough for a child not to fall over. It reached halfway to my thighs.

Being the incautious bastard that I was, I sat down near the edge and started viewing the slowly quieting town. Soon I heard Near settling next to me.

But even though the city looked beautiful, painted with the warm colours of the sunset, I still found the most enjoying thing to watch sitting beside me. After all the time I had spent time with him, observing every inch of his appearance, I still couldn't get enough. He didn't meet my eyes, but instead watched the orange- and gold-colored sky with now considerably more relaxed essence.

I could have written a book about all the compelling qualities he possessed. It wasn't just only his extraordinary looks, it was his brilliant mind and the way he thought that made me adore him. He was one of his kind in every possible way. The way he could make conclusions with so little evidence, using pure logic and the facts he had stuffed in that white-haired head, or the way he still asked my opinion after reasoning like a genius and making every point clear got me seeing him even more inhumanly perfect.

He was my friend, and I wanted to help him.

" …Near?" I said, putting a soft tone on my voice. Yeah, of course I wanted to help him, but it wasn't going to force him into anything.

The gray eyes moved from the scenery to meet mine. I had no idea what he thought, but he didn't look exactly nervous either.

"Are you going to ask me the question?" he inquired, and we both knew that by 'the question' he didn't mean just any honest question. It was _the question,_ one of way the many mysteries between us.

"Only if you're ready to answer." I _was _speaking honestly, because I wouldn't keep asking if he didn't want me to, but…I also really wanted him to be ready.

"Waiting for me to be ready would be a waste of time." he said quietly, but not in a negative manner. The look in his eyes was a tiny bit tense, though , when he continued. "But I own you a truth, so I'd really like if you didn't delay this."

"Then I won't." I looked at his eyes, silent for just a second. "Could you tell me about your dreams?"

The next few moments made me burn inside. Near didn't talk, his pale lips were tightly shut together and only living thing in his face were the gray eyes that searched me more closely than ever before. I had no idea what went through his head, since his expression was just as blunt as usually.

But then, after I had started to fear that he wasn't going to open his mouth at all, he began to talk.

"I…I don't quite know how to describe them to you. My dreams, they….they're not scary in a traditional way. They scare me, of course, but even more than that, distress." his voice was barely hearable.

"What are they about?"

A brief moment of silence, and then he shifted his gaze to the ground.

"It's…almost like a story. I have seen them since I was a kid and they have been almost like a scenes from a twisted tragedy. In the nightmares, I work to find a murderer… who kills with a notebook. Whose name is written in that book, will die within a limited time..."

Cold shivers ran through my spine, as I recollected the first dream I had had. The black notebook in my leather-covered hands, a list of names written in it that belonged to dead people. I hadn't told about the book to him. Near couldn't have known…

But it wasn't _possible! _In what kind of world do two people dream about the same stuff, that couldn't be linked with anything in real life because it just wasn't conceivable? The chances of two people seeing nightmares of a serial killer was of course huge, even about the _same_ serial killer was still pretty good, but two people that dreamt about the same, _fictitious _serial killer that kills using a notebook? That wasn't normal. I couldn't believe it. But I still had to check…

"...am…am I in your dreams too?" my voice didn't sound shaky, for my relief.

"Yeah…you…" he started, but then shut his mouth. The whole thing was just creeping me out. What the hell was happening to us?

I wasn't sure if I wanted him to continue. My fear was taking over the curiosity I had carried for weeks. But that was the thing…he was finally telling me everything, so was I supposed to back off just because I was a little scared? I wasn't that fucking ridiculous.

So I shifted closer to him, put on my perfect not-scared-just-worried-for-you –expression and touched lightly his shoulder that was covered with white blouse. Near didn't tense, but he didn't move his eyes up either.

"It's okay, Near. You can tell me." I said, in all my honesty.

His whole petite body flinched as he swallowed hard, and then nodded.

"…I…I don't know how to…" he stammered, before inhaling deeply. "Please, believe me when I say that I am not making fun of you in any kind of way…this is probably just a coincidence, but in my dreams… you are my rival. We are competing to find the murderer with the notebook."

Another set of shivers made me almost leave the idea of talking about the matter. But I wasn't going to give up. Near had finally opened up, and I understood why he was so nervous with talking about it. Our dreams were similar –no, actually they were identical, and it wasn't a surprise that he had gone silent when I had narrated my own. Something was wrong in the whole scenario, but I couldn't do anything but to believe that it all had a logical explanation. The world was strange, but it still had the answers to every weirdest little incident. And I had to believe it had answer to this one too.

The albino next to me looked a little gray, and it occurred to me that he didn't even know how alike our dreams were. He could pass the rival-thing with shrug, since it was uncanny but not entirely impossible. But he didn't know about the notebook…so why did he think his dreams were something incredibly odd too?

"I believe you." I just said, trying to courage him to continue, but he didn't. His look pointed at the sunset again, or what was left to it anyway. The bright yellow colour embellished the clouds on the horizon, and it all reflected in his eyes. "But Near…those are just dreams, right? Even if you see them regularly, they're just a bit weird nightmares."

In a silence he slightly shook his head.

"You don't understand…" his tone had gotten even lower. My jitters grew stronger as he lifted his eyes to meet mine, and the look in them was horrified. "You were in them before we had even met."

The sun passed its last beams on us before it all darkened.

My mind went all blank. I couldn't find a reply. Nothing came to my mind.

I had thought about the possibilities that might have caused his attitude towards the dreams. Maybe they were just super scary or super sad, so it would be painful to talk about them. Yeah, I had thought about them to be something troubling but still completely normal. I never actually believed when Near had said that he wasn't like others…but the words he had said just now…

I didn't even have to think about it, because I immediately knew it as a fact. The look in his eyes was everything but lying. So it was true; Near had seen me before we had met. He had dreamt about me, being his rival, talking about him in the very same way I had in my own sleep.

But I was frightened. I felt sick, so sick and bad. Everything was just so weird and confusing, and I just wanted it all to end. I wanted to have a time to think about it all, and in the same time I definitely didn't want to think about the whole thing ever again.

I wasn't doing it consciously, but when I saw the look in his eyes, I realized I had leaned back like I was fearing _Near _instead of the words he had said. The gray eyes looked hurt, thinking that I wanted to back away from him. Did he seriously think that I though he was lying? Or that I now thought he was a lunatic? I hated the little glimpse of concern in his eyes. I didn't want him to regret telling me.

Without a hesitation I put back on my calm act, because even if that was hard, I needed to do it for him.

"How...how long exactly? I mean, how long have you seen me there too?" I asked, leaning back to him.

The look of concern turned into a bemusement, and then his face went full blank. "…Ever since I can remember."

Ever since he could remember…

He had seen my face there in his nightmares, being one of the things that made him scream. The whole conversation just couldn't sink in my head. Everything was so puzzling.

"So sleeping pills don't work?"

He shook his head, dispirited.

"My parents got me some when I was younger, but they didn't work…after that I didn't talk about the dreams with them. The nightmares…they got worse when I started the university…"

So it couldn't even be helped? He had to see those sick dreams every time he rested his head? How had he been able to live normally and ignore them? I had seen three, and the terror of even the memory of them almost made me lose my mind. How could he have been so strong, when he didn't even have anybody to talk about them with?

But at the moment, Near was so tensed that and sick-looking that I knew I couldn't keep enquiring. He had answered my question and even more, but now I felt like we had to stop playing the truth-game for today. I was frightened too. Scared, confused, and extremely anxious, but still it was nothing compared to Near's current state. I bet he felt like shit.

"The night you stayed over in my room…you didn't have nightmares then, right?" I had an idea boiling in my mind and it made me feel just a little bit pathetic hope.

A new glimpse of light ignited in his eyes, the way that I could see how he reasoned my train of thought. He looked a bit uncertain as he nodded, though, maybe too scared to believe that it might work.

"Fine, then we're going to have a sleepover again tonight. Let's test the theory, and if it works, we're going to have another sleepover." I stated without a doubt in my voice.

The pale lips parted as Near stared at me blankly. I think he was about to say something, but couldn't find the words. I definitely didn't want him to thank me, so I just jumped up and reached my hand to him.

"We better go. I think we can still go driving around the city a little. It looks fun in the evening. So many lights."

Near grabbed my outstretched hand and stood up with, still not speaking another word. Maybe it was too exhausting for him.

"Except if you want to go to the campus already." I said, and felt a bit disappointed for some reason. It's not like we hadn't spent the whole day together anyway.

"No, I'd like to go driving again." he replied, and I smiled.

But then I noticed that I still held his hand, and it made me feel a surge of warmth that felt odd compared to my earlier feelings and the whole situation. Quickly I let his hand as I turned around casually, pretending to picking up the backpack I had carried with me, but actually I felt my face heating and just needed to cover it.

"It's getting cold." I said, rootling the bag. I turned back to Near as I found the red coat. "Put this on. I don't want you to get flu because of me."

He didn't question, just silently did what I said. The cloth was way too big for him, but he didn't seem to mind. I suppose he had already felt a little cold, or maybe it somehow comforted him after speaking about those things…

I pushed them out of my mind. I didn't want to think, just get Near out of here and …keep him safe.

I was about to jump over the fence to the fire escape, when the albino spoke again, voice so emotionless that there had to be much under it.

"Mello…don't you think I'm insane?"

I turned to look at him, lifting my eyebrows. "No, I don't. I'm pretty sure that this all has some logical explanation based on pure facts of human psychology and mental states."

He tried to find a lie from my face, but there was nothing. I believed him completely, and no matter how messed up it all was, I still wouldn't believe that neither or us was a maniac. Supposing that Near understood my honesty, I turned around and left the roof, the albino following after me.

.

.

Near left to his room to get his night stuff as soon as we got back to the campus. He talked about needing a pajama and so, but I knew the thing he really needed was some personal time with only him and his thoughts. I suppose I didn't feel quite the same way. The desire of getting the whole dream-thing out of my head for some time was growing bigger and bigger, and I hadn't really understood that driving around the city full of lights wouldn't distract me enough.

It was something like ten at night, so I decided to go to Matt's. I was hundred percent positive that he was still awake, and as I knocked the door, his merry voice whooped me to enter.

"Isn't it weird how your 'skipping next few lectures' seems to turn into 'vanishing for the rest of the freaking day'?" Matt's head popped up behind the couch.

Without commenting I jumped over the back of the sofa and slumped next to him. I almost crushed the Xbox-controller, but my old pal got it safe before it was too late. The game he had played was put on pause and I couldn't felt more relieved that I had Matt's all attention. He could always turn my mind into completely different stuff from what I currently worried.

"Isn't it weird that you still haven't gotten to the next level on that shitty game of yours?" I lifted my eyebrows at him, but he just grinned.

"You know what's even weirder than that? Near has been out of sight the whole day too." he chuckled at me. "I suppose you two got things worked out, eh?"

Yeah, of course he had to bring that up.

"We did. And we went shopping and stuff, get over it. Did I miss something interesting?" I tried to change the subject, but when talking with Matt, that was practically impossible.

"I see…so you drove around the town with your motorbike? _Cuuuuute._" his voice was annoyingly cooing.

"Shut up. There was nothing 'cute' in it, we just drove around and bought some stuff." I stated, but feeling already somehow lighter. It was just Matt and me, the redhead teasing and me answering as if I was annoyed. Which I of course was half of the time with Matt, but let's not get into that.

"Oh? I bet he was blushing underneath the helmet when he gripped your waist." Matt smirked.

He smoothly dodged the slap I targeted to his head, and sniggered a bit more.

"Okay, fine, I'm just kidding. Gee." Matt shook his head in the usual way, as if denying the words he just let out of his stupid mouth. But I was still only slightly annoyed, for my thoughts didn't turn back to the crappy stuff. "So what did you do there?"

"Well, we went to the mall, and screwed a little with the security guard. And then we went to get some coffee-" I ignored Matt's smug smile and continued "-at that place next to the book store, and after that we drove around a little more. Then we…um, went to that one high apartment block's roof. Nothing that interesting, anyway."

"Wait, what exactly did you do on the top of the building? I mean, I get the elevators and so if you're into public stuff, but…"

The guy had expected the slap, so he managed to duck my hand again.

"We _talked, _for fuck's sake! Stop being so childish!" I snapped.

"Oh, that's even cuter. Did you also watch the stars? Mello, you damn charmer!" he carried on as if talking was something linked with romantic interest. I mean, Matt and I talked all the time and still I didn't feel like he was anything more than a really good, really annoying friend to me.

"We didn't watch the stars, you twat. Sun was only going down by then."

But Matt raised his eyebrows at me with a victorious smile tugging his lips.

"So you went there to watch the sunset? Woah, that's romantic, dude."

I hadn't even thought about it that way. Now that he had said it like that…it had been kinda romantic, actually. Watching over the town, sitting near the albino, feeling the warmth wafting from his body…

Wait, what was I thinking? I couldn't help the blush that started to rise on my cheeks, but in my mind I pushed the thoughts away. We were friends, right? Matt and I had been in a way more romantic situations before, and he was still my stupid best friend. But…then why was I blushing?

"Go fuck yourself, Matt."

"Go fuck Near, Mello."

The heat on my cheeks grew vastly, and Matt started chuckling even more.

"Are you blushing? Oh my god, Mello!"

"Shut up! I am not!" I spat in embarrassment.

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

We probably would have continued the argument all night if we hadn't heard the quiet knock on the door.

"It's open!" Matt said, still grinning at me like a maniac. And I felt unbelievably awkward.

Of course the only person who could be behind the door was who else but Near. The albino spotted his gray eyes immediately at my flushing face, but he didn't seem to be bothered by it, since his expression didn't change at all. He held my new red coat on his hands, and I just then remembered that he hadn't gave it back to me when we arrived.

"Hey, Near, want to join us? We were just playing Crash Bandicoot." Matt said quickly, still grinning, but now obviously not wanting to reveal the topic we had just discussed.

Which was weird, because usually he would have taken everything out of the situation by teasing the both of us mindlessly. Maybe Matt found a reason to stop in my blushing, and thought that maybe I had had enough for today.

"I'd prefer not to. I just wanted to know if Mello was able to come with me." Near replied.

"Oh, well, he's _all yours._" Matt said, stressing the words in an obvious way. He grinned at me and made the blush grew further. It was ridiculous, just so damn ridiculous. I stared at Matt with my axe-murderer-face but he just winked.

"…So are you coming, Mello?" Near asked, a tiny bit of confusion in his voice.

"Yeah, I… um, yeah." I turned my gaze from Matt and circled the sofa to Near. Without meeting his gaze I took my coat from his hands. "Bye, asshole." I shout to Matt over my shoulder before stepping out of the room.

"Speaking of which-" I heard him say before I shut the door behind me.

.

.

We didn't feel like talking as we left to my room. It was quite obvious that Near wanted to go to sleep, and to test our theory I needed to be there to sleep with him. Maybe it he felt safer with someone else's presence, I don't know. The thing just needed to be tested. It could help him.

He heaped the camp bed quickly, and soon we were under our blankets in the dark. But still, neither of us could sleep.

I heard him rolling restlessly in the bed, maybe trying to do it quietly, but in complete silence I still heard it. What was he thinking? Was he just nervous if the thing worked? God knows, I would have been uneasy too. Our conversation started creeping in my mind again, putting up a thoughts I didn't want to think. What was wrong with us? It wasn't normal, definitely not, seeing those sort of dreams…

After listening his shifting for fifteen minutes, I had to intervene.

"Near…are you tired?" I asked quietly.

It took a minute before I heard the short answer. "…No."

"Me neither. Do you want to watch a movie or something?"

Another moment passed, but then he replied. "Yeah, I'd like that."

I noted the relief in his face as I switched on the light of the bedside table. We picked a movie, and as we settled to watch on my bed, the nervousness soon vanished, being replaced with relaxation and fatigue…

.

.

_I would get wet, I noted as I stepped out of the front door of Wammy's. It was raining. The sky was crying for L, or maybe just for my miserable life. I needed to get out of there, needed to leave Near. He was my competition, right? I couldn't possibly unite with him…_

_Water slashed from the puddle I had stepped. The door behind me opened with a creak, but I didn't turn around. Roger should have known better than try to change my mind._

"_Mello, wait." _

_The voice stopped me immediately. Near…_

"_I'm leaving. There's nothing you can do to change that." I put the hard tone on my voice. "L's dead, and Kira's still out there. I am going to find him before you, Near. You won't win this time." _

_I turned around, but found the albino being way too closer than I had imagined him to be. The rain was gluing the white hair on his face, making the fabric of his shirt turn transparent, and hiding the tears that streamed down his face._

"_I am not here to stop you. I know how you are, Mello. But I just need one thing from you before you leave." he stated, voice steady as always despite the silent dreams that were pouring from his eyes._

_I snorted. "What would __**you**__ need from __**me?**__ You got everything you wanted. You're L's successor." my voice was full of bitterness. _

"_A promise." he said, not moving the gray eyes from mine._

_My heart skipped a beat. "….What is it?"_

"_Don't die. Promise me." the tone in his voice was serious. The rain increased. _

_Instead of answering, I leaned closer and closer, until our lips met in a soft kiss. I tasted the salty tears in his mouth, tasted the sadness for L, for me…_

_I didn't do it for him, I did it for me. I needed the seconds in heaven that his lips gave me before running away and letting my jealousy take over. The bitterness, the anguish, the uncontrollable need to be perfect…to be number one. I had always had too many emotions._

"_Goodbye, Near." _

_._

The mornings weren't exactly the best time for my reasoning to be perfect, but when I woke up, I noted few things pretty quickly. First of all, my face was wet. I was crying. And I had no idea why, because I had no memory of seeing any dreams. It was of course natural for humans not to remember most of their dreams, so I passed the notion fast, though still wondering about my crying.

The next thing I noted was Near sleeping in my arms. The chances of me waking up with him so close after the first time was unbelievably low, but still, there I was. He lied next to me, hand resting on my chest and pale head leaning to my shoulder. He was so close that I could count every one of his long white lashes. He was yet again looking so peaceful. Completely opposite of what I felt at the moment.

I shifted Near's hand off my chest as calmly as I could, and even quieter I moved out of the bed. Thank god he didn't wake up. The sleeping face was as serene as it had been before.

As I sat down on the unused camp bed, I started going through my garbled thoughts. It was quite obvious that we had fallen asleep while watching the movie. It wasn't my fault that we had somehow managed to sleep so close to each other, right? Right. The TV was still on, showing the menu of the film. Yeah, we had fallen asleep.

Stupid little tickle messed up things in my lower stomach, and it was the first time I started to think about it. Somehow the feeling linked back to Matt's teasing, and the way I had blushed to his words. It was clear to me that I had had way too many feelings that liked to mess me up, but this time it felt sorta weird.

I didn't recognize those feelings. Had I ever felt that way when looking at someone? No, never. Near somehow succeed to make my mind go blurry and weird warmth grow inside me. He was just so…interesting. And I'm not saying that he was cute lying there, but he _was. _

Okay, I wasn't completely stupid. A little surge of suspicion had started to grow inside me as well, but I couldn't consider it…how could I have? We were friends, and I didn't want to ruin anything. I was in a fight with my emotional blindness, but more than wanting to understand, I just wanted to push everything further out of my mind. But I couldn't help myself thinking now that I had started.

Near was clearly close to me, but now I wondered the depth of my feelings. I didn't really have an experience in that kind of stuff. Of course I had done few tricks with some people, but in completely sexual way. I had never had a crush on anyone, not to mention love. But now when I was with Near, it all seemed to get a little more confusing. Because…when I talked with Matt, had I sudden urges to press our lips together? Or when Matt didn't notice, did I stare at him and think he was adorable? Or whenever Matt started talking, I just wished that he would continue and let me get affected with his enormous intelligence?

When looking at Near's reposeful, sleeping face, I couldn't help the question raising deep in my mind.

Was I falling for him?

.

.

A/N: a hint for Mello **: read the name of the story. **I think that'll help at least a little.


	11. Too many emotions

To be honest, I was about to leave Near there to sleep while I'd get some morning coffee, but then of course I realized that he might have a nightmare again. I wasn't sure if he had seen something last night, for he hadn't screamed out loud, but the look in his face was so tranquil that I supposed we had found a way to deal with the dreams.

But just to be perfectly positive, I woke him up. Maybe it wasn't that good idea to shake him in a way that I normally used on Matt. The redhead was a bit heavier sleeper, so I never actually saved my strength while dragging him from dreamlands. Near again was fragile and took a fright easily.

Although he didn't look too muscular, it actually hurt when he kicked me off of him. I fell to the ground with a crash. Near and I looked at each other with wide eyes, the boy obviously only now starting to grasp a sense of the moment.

"I'm sorry, I thought it was a dream and you were going to hurt me." Near explained fast. I just nodded, unsure what to do next. My stomach hurt where he had placed the kick.

"So…you slept well, then?" I asked as getting up on my feet again.

The boy looked a bit surprised, as if just noticing that it was indeed morning and the night was already over. Deducing for that, I knew he hadn't had the dreams last night.

"Yeah, I did." he confirmed.

"Then we were right…" I felt a relief spreading inside me…we had found a way to prevent the dreams. "And you're going to continue sleeping here."

"Mello…" Near's voice was careful as he lifted his gray eyes to look at me with that glimpse of security in them. "Are you sure about this? I mean…I can't sleep in the same room as you for the rest of my life."

_Why not? _

For that thought, the concern took over my relief. I wasn't worried about the time when he couldn't sleep with me anymore, but the thought that he was going to sleep in the same room the rest of the year when something inside me wanted to put the bed in sorta different use with him.

No, I couldn't let myself think so. Near was my friend and he needed help. Maybe there was some tension between us, but it was just normal weird stuff between two teenage guys. Everybody's a little gay, right?

Before letting my brain continue that senseless bullshit, I opened my mouth again.

"Of course I'm sure. And you don't have to worry about that now, we have time to figure out different solutions, and in the meanwhile you're sleeping here." I made my voice sound so sure that it amazed even myself.

Near just nodded slowly, and I jumped up.

"So, go get dressed. We're going to be late from the lecture."

A little smile drawled his lips, and I felt a little warmer again. Gosh, I was fucked.

.

.

I didn't have any idea if I was happy or sad. Of course Near getting finally a good night's sleep was great and relieving in every possible way, but it was pretty hard to have my emotional crisis when I saw him in addition to days, also at nights too. It's not like I didn't want to see him, no. I loved to talk with him, watch him, just spent time with him in every possible way. But that was something to be really concerned about. We were friends, right? So were my feelings just a bit too deep? No, they were way fucking deeper than it was considered normal.

And now that I had started to acknowledge the growing sensation inside me, I had nowhere to escape it. Every time I caught myself staring at Near, I turned my look quickly away and started analyzing the stupid warmth in my heart. It wasn't like I had a crush on one of my closest friends…

But with time, I started to understand that that was exactly what it was. I couldn't make any other conclusion with gathering the clues together.

What else it could have been, when every damn time he smiled, I lighted up? When I felt my skin tingling if our hands accidentally met? When he spoke, I got forgotten into his voice? And when I thought about it, it was quite obvious to realize. I never got him out of my mind, never stopped worrying about him. Even now, when my heart was burning me from inside, I still only cared about if it would hurt Near to find out.

It was fucked up. I had never known what it was to be attracted to someone romantically, and suddenly I knew it far too well. I don't really know when exactly my feelings had started to shift, but now that I had admitted them to myself, it was all way too clear. And painful. Because no matter what, I couldn't risk to lose our friendship.

Professing it to myself had raised another set of difficult questions which I had no answers. What was I about to do with the feelings? What if Near got to know? Would he be disgusted? The boy had never been with anyone. He could be an asexual, in both physically and emotionally. He had never even touched himself, for fuck's sake! And now, when he finally had someone he could trust, it could all blew up? What was wrong with me for even thinking about telling him? But then again, would it be okay to keep him around and hiding the fact that I actually wanted to just take him and make out with him against the wall?

What was my duty to do as Near's friend? I couldn't trust myself in that. I was way too impulsive, and it wasn't excluded possibility that someday the albino would find me on top of him when he woke up. I had no one to tell me the right decision and I was so afraid of ruining everything. Because to be honest, I needed Near just as much as he needed me. He had me to keep the dreams away, and I had him to…help me live. Seriously, I think I would have stopped breathing if he suddenly decided to stop spending time with me. Yes, I was just that pathetic.

So I kept cowardly low profile about it. What Near didn't know, wouldn't hurt him, right?

.

.

According to statistics, it wasn't possible to die for overflowing emotions. But I was starting to feel like I was about to. One day in geography lecture, my mind was so filled with conflicting questions that I had to slap myself. Well, okay, I slapped myself for completely other reason.

But still, it was like a hell to me. You would think that the universe had tormented me enough already, but it seemed like it actually wanted to beat me shitless. All my worries and reasons of concern swirled in my head, making me physically sick. The question that had been there for too damn long; where was Ben? How was he doing? Why hasn't he called me, like he promised? And then there was of course the freaky thing with the dreams. Why did Near and I have identic nightmares? What was it with my visions? Was I crazy?

You could make a reasonable deduction just with those questions. Yeah, I was a damn maniac. But hey, that's not all of it! Let's add in a crush towards a friend who might actually be asexual and/or aromantic, having even worse dreams than I, and possibly would stop spending time with me if he knew.

My way of thinking him had changed radically. Whenever I thought of him nowadays, my mind could suddenly start imagining how his lips would taste or what like his hand would feel grasping my hair. Those thoughts didn't make me blush, fortunately, but it made me feel kinda blurry. I avoided thinking about it when Near was present. I always tried to act normally when he was there, and thank god the albino wasn't on that geography class, because I acted quite the opposite of my 'normal'.

So I was there just worrying about everything, biting my lips as I stared at the teacher without concentrating in any word she said. I felt so fucked up at that moment, but somehow my something in my mind turned back to think Near. Or more like snogging with him. Then I remembered the fucking hickey and realized the reason behind my act.

_That _was the point where I slapped myself. Okay, could've had handled that better, but I felt so dumb to realize I had literally been jealous over myself. How fucking stupid is that?

Well, not as stupid as slapping myself on the face while Matt was next to me.

"Dude…what the fuck?" he looked at with an expression of amusement mixed with perplexity.

"I had a mosquito on my face." Wow, nice safe, dumbass. It was late autumn. There was no fucking gnats anywhere.

"…Riiiight. What's been up with you lately?" the redhead had now his full attention on me, which meant I couldn't keep going on rolling in my self-pity. But I really wanted to avoid answering. Should I play innocent? No, Matt would just explain my behavior, so I had to admit my strange demeanor and just pass it with a shrug.

"I've been stressing out for the essays…do you know when they're giving 'em back?"

I don't know why I even tried to fool Matt. The guy just narrowed his eyes at me.

"Are you sure this doesn't have to do anything with the fact that Near sleeps in your room nowadays?" he asked, hitting it on the first try. Goddamnit. I couldn't deny it, now could I? If Matt knew, he had reliable source. Like himself.

"No, why would that trouble me? And please, don't start the innuendo again. We just sleep there, okay?" I was kinda desperate to get off the topic, and for my relief Matt just looked at me quietly for a moment.

"Yeah, whatever. Hey, do you think I could hit that lamp with an eraser from here?"

And the topic changed.

.

.

Later that day, I was once again buried in my thoughts. I hardly noticed the two guys sitting next to me on a window seat in the lounge, talking about football or something. Matt and Elliot had always had too much interest in sports.

Actually we were supposed to think about a homework-sorta-thing for our English class, but it had kinda sidetracked. The assignment was to think about life's unanswerable questions, but the guys couldn't take it seriously. After hearing 'How does Mello's metabolism work?' I gave up. Well, actually I heard another pair of diabetes-jokes, and this time few heart attack –ones too. Then their attention turned to athletics, and I was saved.

The downside was that I was once again left with just my messed up thoughts. I didn't take long before my head had already started to envision an image of me doing some really inappropriate stuff to the albino.

It was no wonder that I almost jumped three meters upwards when he suddenly appeared in front of me. He looked at my reaction with blank face, and I spoke quickly.

"God, you scared me!"

"Actually his name is Near. You're a really bad friend for not remembering that, Mels." Matt cooed next to me, and I gave him a slap in the back of his head. I knew I was a bad friend, but for completely different reasons which I didn't like to discuss.

"I'm sorry, that wasn't my intention." Near answered as he sat down next to me. I tried not to look at Matt, or else I would probably have exploded.

"So, what's up?" I asked, not looking at him either. Yeah, my tactic was genius. Avoid eye contact and no one suspects anything. Awesome.

"Hey, Elliot, you know what? I need some coffee. Let's go to the Starbucks." Matt said suddenly, hopping up and dragging the slightly concerned ginger with him. And then Near and I were alone.

Thanks a lot, Matt.

Near continued as if nothing had happened. "I...um, I had something to talk with you." the guy lifted his hand to swirl the white locks yet again. "I just wondered…you have been a little distant lately."

He had noticed? Oh goddamnit. Like it wasn't enough that I tried not to think about him all the time, now I had to make up lies to cover it? Jeez.

"Oh, I have?" a bad move, I could tell it immediately. Because we both knew that every liar would answer a question with another question to win a little more time to make up a believable lie.

"Yeah, you have. Does it have to do something with me sleeping in your room?" he asked calmly, though I believed he was a bit nervous under the blunt shell. Maybe the thought of my possible change of heart in our sleeping set-up and seeing new dreams was just too painful to think.

I found another half-truth to cover up my twisted mind.

"Actually…" I said, pretending more nervous than I really was. I actually _was _pretty nervous, since I didn't really know how he would react. "It was more like the dreams that concern me…I haven't been fully honest with you."

The expression on his face turned lightly surprised, but then he frowned. "What is it?"

I inhaled deeply before answering. "I didn't describe my nightmares as well as you did, and that's why you don't know…there's a notebook of death in my dreams too."

I watched carefully his reaction, but he didn't show anything. He just stared blankly back, going something through his mind.

"But…that's not possible. The chances of us to see completely same dreams in different point of view are absolutely zero." he reassured more to himself than to me. "There's no way…"

"We both knew this is something freaky already, since you saw dreams about me before we even met." I said gloomily.

"Still…this is…" Near seemed to be on edge of actually showing some emotions, but then he just sighed. Gray eyes turned to me with a pleading look in them. "Could we just…forget the whole thing? I'm finally getting some rest after those nights of distressed sleep, so it would be good just to get it out of my mind…"

"…there's always a risk that these dreams are something more than just a dreams. Or that we're both insane." I recalled, but only to see his reaction. In fact I loved the idea of forgetting.

Near just pouted his lips in a thoughtful way. "I think I'm willing to take that risk."

A little smile tugged my lips. Maybe it wouldn't be that hard to forget…if we did it together, and if the dreams wouldn't come back. Because what I wanted even more than to know what they were about, I wanted to keep everything simple between the albino and I. If I had only known back then how much the guy would mean to me after this time…

Suddenly I noticed how close Near was, and how we still looked at each other's eyes. I begged my mind not to do the trick, but it didn't listen to me. How come his eyes looked all of sudden like dark silver, and the lips so damn mellow? There was something showing behind his eyes, but I couldn't fully catch what it was. I felt so big need to lean over and press our lips together, but the little voice of sense inside my mind had frozen me on the spot. Near didn't do anything either, just looked at me with those big eyes.

"Mello…" came a girl's voice near me. I immediately got free from the trance and turned to see a blushing girl that smiled me shyly. At first I had no idea who she was, but in a millisecond I twigged she was from my chemistry class.

"What is it?" I asked, relieved for the fact that someone had interrupted before I had done anything. Hell, it was way too close.

"I, um…I don't know if you remember me, I'm in a same chemistry with you and…" the girl stammered, and I would have felt sorry for her if I didn't know where it was going. "…um…I just wanted to ask you if you'd like to go for a coffee sometime…"

…as I had expected.

Different options teemed in my head, and the possible scenarios following them. The boy next to me didn't say a word, and I couldn't turn to him to see what he thought since it would have looked rather suspicious. I didn't really know what to say. Was I going to answer yes or no? The girl was pretty with her dark hair and chocolate-coloured eyes, but I didn't really care about it. She was probably dumb, or at least not intelligent enough to be interesting company.

But then again, I wanted to get Near out of my head somehow, and this was a way. It was so damn hard to choose! Was it right for me to use someone like that? Go out with her just to get my mind off of someone else? No, even I wasn't that low.

" I'm not searching for a girlfriend." I said calmly, tilting my head apologizing. "Sorry."

The blush on her face grew, but she managed to smile a little. "Oh, okay…so, um…tell me if you change your mind."

"Sure." I answered, and with that she left.

To say that the silence between Near and I was awkward would be deprecation. Well, actually it was probably awkward only in my part. For some reason I still couldn't really meet the gray eyes that now scanned my profile.

"Who was that?" Near asked without a single emotion in his voice.

I glanced him cautiously, but his expression didn't let anything out as usually. Trying to put up a carefree act, I just shrugged and made a half-smile that gave the impression that I really didn't care about the whole scene. Which was true, of course.

"Just some girl from my chemistry class, I can't remember her name." I shrugged, and Near nodded.

"She seemed to really like you." he stated, and I became a little worried. Did the guy want me to go out with her? I couldn't get the meaning behind the words.

"Oh? Well, I have never even talked with her, so it's no big deal. She'll get over it." I muttered.

Near blinked, god knows what going through his head. "Yeah, presumably…so does this happen often?"

"What, girls asking me out?" I raised my eyebrows. It wasn't like Near to ask these kind of things from me. Usually our conversations kept the intelligent side. "Um, every now and then…"

It was true that girls and sometimes boys too kept asking me out, but I really wasn't interested. I think it had started to be some kind of game to some people, because I always refused the invites for dates. I hoped they would just get that I didn't care about them and that I already had all the people I wanted to be around, but unfortunately there still lived a little bit hope among them. Actually, the chemistry-girl had been first for me to even consider, and that was just because I needed to get Near out of my head.

Obviously I had to find a better way to do that. The boy tilted his head at me, thinking something.

"Why didn't you accept her offer?" he asked, something gleaming in his eyes.

I felt immediately bad. It really seemed that he wanted me to go out with her, or at least that he wouldn't have cared at all if I had. Which was a stupid thing to get upset, since he was still only my friend and I had no right to get mad about it.

"Like I said, I don't know her at all. And she's not my type." I replied, still keeping up my nonchalant act.

"Oh." was all I got from him.

Besides the fact that I was internally uncomfortable, I still wanted to continue the conversation. I really didn't want him to go anywhere, so I just turned our conversation back to the earlier topic.

"Uhm, so, about the dreams…we're going to ignore them, right? Take risks and all?"

Near looked at me for a moment with a hunch of anxiety in his face. "Yeah…I think I have to take a few risks. It seems to be necessary."

Somehow it sounded like he spoke about something completely else than the dreams, and I was momentarily confused. But I didn't have time to open my mouth before the boy had stood up.

"I think I left my notes in my room."

"Oh…okay." I uttered, pretty disappointed. "We'll see at physics then…"

I knew that our conversations were sometime kinda strange and confusing, but this time…what the fuck? I sighed loudly before leaving the lounge myself. I was too tired to think.

.

.

Near was rather silent for the rest of the day. He seemed to be buried in his thoughts, and I didn't feel like disturbing him. Ordinarily, I would have been bothered by his remoteness, but now I kinda felt like it was imperative. It was easier to try to push him out of my mind when we didn't talk, and after the lectures we were together, he vanished for the rest of the day.

I didn't let myself worry over it. It was Near, and Near did some strange stuff occasionally. Of course part of my mind was constantly thinking about him, but now the other part concentrated on everything else. It was kinda funny how I noticed only now how much I always thought about the albino. He had been on my mind twenty-four seven even before we had properly known each other. Thank goodness I still had some self-respect and managed to wipe his face out of my mind and actually enjoy the horror movie –marathon Matt and I had.

When I returned to my room, Near was already there laying on his bed.

I was sure he wasn't sleeping, and I was also sure that he knew that. But he kept his eyes shut, face relaxed, so I didn't bother him. If he had wanted to talk, he would. I wasn't going to ignore his obvious signs of wanting to be left alone.

At least I could be a good friend in that regard.

.

.

When I woke up the next morning, Near had already left. The camp bed was put neatly under my bed like every morning, giving the impression that it wasn't even used. The boy sure knew how to hide his tracks.

For normally such an energetic person, I felt unusual tiredness. Maybe the stupid feelings had finally made me into so stressful state that I really couldn't brush them aside anymore. It was ridiculous, in every possible way, but I still couldn't help myself from burying my face in the pillow and deciding not to move off the bed for the rest of the day.

But that would mean being just with my thoughts for way too long. Of course I could just try to push everything from my mind and pretend that I was okay. I could manage to do that, but then again, wasn't that exactly why I was so weary? Feigning that my head wasn't so messed up was messing it up even more.

Fine, I had admitted it to myself, I had a crush on Near.

What was I about to do with it? Nothing. It could have been just a puberty and hormones working in a fucked up way, or the feelings that I felt were just a bit more intimate friendship feels. So why was it this hard to keep the scenery up? I knew how it would end if I did something wrong. I knew the risks far too well, so I just had to deal with the feelings in some other way. Say, tried to spent time with him a little bit less and not to think him all the damn time.

Gosh, I was thinking about him even right now. I had to stop it!

I decided to handle the problem by mumbling curses to my pillow.

I used at least an hour in this every way rational and well-tried method of dealing with things, before deciding to not skip the first ten minutes of the first lecture as usually.

When I arrived the class, I little surprise took over me. Matt was leaning over Near's board and they talked about something with low voices. It's not like they weren't buddies or something, but Near didn't look awkward in a way he always looked when Matt teased him in he lectures. Now he listened Matt, frowning a little and nodding in agreement with something the guy said. My redheaded best friend had a victorious smirk tugging his lips, as he murmured to the little bit anguished-looking albino. Their conversation stopped immediately after I sat on my place. I could have taken Matt's attention turning to me as a natural thing he would do, but now the act somehow seemed a little fake.

"Hey, Mels. So you decided to show up in time, eh?" he asked, sitting back down on his place.

"Yeah." I muttered, glancing to the pale guy over Matt's head. He didn't look at me. "Did you taunt Near again? He looks a bit unhappy." Near didn't look unhappy at all. It would have been a miracle to catch any other emotion than torpor in his face right now, but I wanted to see what Matt would answer.

"No, actually he needed some help." Matt said with that annoying smug grin on his face.

"Oh, for what?" I tried not to sound too interested, and succeed fine in my opinion.

"He wanted me to take care of his virginity." the redhead smirked, and I snorted in irritation.

"I should've seen that coming…" I sighed. "Fine, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Matt sniggered a little, but when realizing how annoyed I was, he got serious again.

"Alright, fine, I was just asking for his help to our project in English and he got a little annoyed when I started asking him the same questions we asked you." Matt explained.

Okay, call me overly paranoid but I didn't believe him, even though he said it so convincingly. They had seemed way too secretive to talk just about school. I left the topic, however. It wasn't like my friends had to share everything with me. Being ignorant was fucking annoying, but rather that than being overly curious twat, so I just turned my focus on the lecturing and didn't give a damn about the whole thing.

.

I lied. Actually I gave a damn about the whole thing, and it started to piss me off even more in late afternoon. Matt, Chris and I were about to go to the movies. We had waited for the redhead outside his room, but when the door finally opened, it was Near who came out. Chris wasn't at all distracted by this, and the albino didn't stay to chat. He nodded to us and left, even though my eyes stayed at his back the whole time before he turned around the corner.

Right after that Matt came out, smirking like a maniac, and it made me freaking annoyed. And nervous furthermore, since I had learned that whenever Matt got that look in his face, something bad was about to happen and probably to me.

"Would you please schedule your gossip club with Near a little better next time? We're gonna be late, you asshole." I snapped at the still smiling guy, who didn't care about my vexation at all as usually.

"Take it easy, pal! We're going to make it. Or if we don't, we're going to be fashionably late." he said cheerfully. Chris and I shared a look, but followed him after all. It was no use to start an argument.

Fortunately, we managed to get on the bus in time. I wasn't so annoyed anymore after a while, since Matt and Chris were in a good mood and pretty great company. Of course other part of my mind was thinking hard what the hell Near and Matt had talked about. It was just in my nature to pay attention to any deviation in my ordinary life.

Yeah, I had pretty fun time on the way. Unfortunately I ended up in at least ten people's hit list at the cinema. The shittiest thing you can do in the movies is to text, talk with your friends and sit in a way that no one behind you can't see anything. Because I was impassive towards other people's opinions and altogether a huge dickhead, I performed them all.

Well, the texting wasn't actually my fault. I got a SMS at the trailers, and without giving a shit I checked my phone.

**From: Near**

**I apologize if I disturb, but is it okay for me to go already to your room? I need quiet place to work my puzzles, and I'm afraid that the lounge is filled with people I'd rather not encounter. **

The image of that one thug who had whined about Near's screaming at night made my blood boil, and I understood perfectly if Near didn't want to see him or his friends. And maybe his own room was too creepy to be in, since he had seen all those nightmares in it.

**To: Near**

**Sure, go ahead. Do ya know how to pick a lock? **

**From: Near**

**I suppose I could google it. **

**To: Near**

**Took me five minutes to learn, so I support the idea…though it could take a while to find a good manual**

A man behind me made an unhappy noise, but I didn't care. The movie was on a bright scene anyway, so the light coming from my phone wasn't even that bad. Jeez, some people just had to overreact to everything.

"Hey, do you have a lock-picking manual in your phone?" I turned to Matt, who reached his phone without questioning or shifting his gaze from the movie. It didn't take long before I had found the guide (And few others too. Seriously, what for Matt needed to know how to open a safe?) and sent it to the albino.

After thanking me Near didn't text me for a while, and I could concentrate on the movie. Which was boring and predictable. You could get a little worried for the hero, if you didn't know that the shooters in villain's team never hit the target, or if they did, it was a shoulder or something else similar. You would be worried for the hero for a second, but after bonding the wound with gauze, it would be totally forgotten and wouldn't affect the storyline afterwards.

I almost sighed as I heard the gasps that came from the lower row where two girls were seemingly shocked by the poorly masked bullet wound on the hero's shoulder. Woah, totally didn't see _that _coming.

Thank god I was distracted when I got another message.

**From: Near**

**I think your radiator is broken. It's stifling hot here. **

**To: Near**

**What the hell?**

Great, just great.

**Can you fix it? **

**From: Near**

**I suppose, but I can't get your window open, so it will be quite warm here at least until tomorrow.**

**To: Near**

**I don't mind. Is it okay 2 u?**

"Put the fucking phone off. Other people want to watch the movie." man's angry voice snapped behind me.

"The murderer is obviously the sister." I muttered to him in irritation, and heard a snappish sniff coming from my back.

**From: Near**

**I am perfectly fine with it. **

It was the ending scene in the movie when Near texted me the last time, just informing that he had somehow managed to repair the machine. I didn't know which I was more pleased; that Near had fixed the problem without anyone's help, or that the guy behind me was snorting in disapproval when it was revealed that the murderer was who else than the fucking sister I predicted her to be.

I was happier when I got out of there than when getting in.

.

.

"Oh, you weren't kidding when you said it's hot in here." I said as I stepped into my room. The temperature felt actually quite nice after the cool evening air.

"You'll get used to it quickly." came the reply. I lifted my gaze to see Near, sitting on the floor and placing dominoes in a row to form a pattern.

I think my heart stopped for a minute. Only things that the albino was wearing, were pure white boxers and the top of his pajama which had most of the buttons open. Even though I knew it was for the heat and I shouldn't have gotten any weird thoughts, I still had to move my gaze from him as quickly as I could.

Trying not to chop down the dominoes, I got to my bed and started undressing. The red coat and combat boots flew in the direction of the cabinet. But after taking my hoodie off, I couldn't bring myself to strip of the rest, meaning the black tank top and jeans.

"Do you mind to nudge the domino next to your feet?" Near said steadily, and I shifted my leg just enough to make the domino fall.

I have no idea how he had had the patience to position them all to look so awesome, but I didn't really care at the moment. Soon all of the blocks had fell, and Near started to calmly collect them back to the box they had been. I saw in the corner of my eyes how he gathered them all and then put them on top of the puzzle he had obviously done earlier.

He sat on the camp bed he had already set up, but didn't pull the blanket to cover himself as I had hoped. Only thing I could do was to pull my right leg to my chest and stare everywhere but him.

"How was the movie?" Near asked, and I couldn't help but meet his gaze. The dark gray eyes looked at me somewhat searchingly. How was it even possible to look that adorable? The soft lightning made his features look even paler in contrast to the slightly blushed cheeks. His gaze wasn't as scanning as usually, and it was probably the warmth that made his eyes gleam. White hair was messy in a cute, wavy way that wouldn't probably fit anybody else than him.

"Disappointing. To me, mostly. And the guy behind me, who wasn't pleased with the payoff because I revealed it to him in the middle of the movie." I replied. The heat was already making me clammy, and the black clothes didn't help at all.

"Movies are usually foreseeable." Near opened one button more, and my eyes got stuck to in his body. Was it physically possible not to have any flaw in your skin? His body looked seriously like porcelain. The legs were slim and petite and the chest that peeked under the freaking blouse….I was seriously going to lose my mind.

What would Near think if he knew what kind of thoughts I had towards him?

"Yeah, at least to us. So how was your time here?" I tried to keep the conversation up and the boy as unsuspicious as possible. For my fortune, he didn't seem to note my glancing or at least didn't mind it.

His long fingers found their way to the white waves again, and he swirled a curl thoughtfully. "Oh…I've had fun. I have mostly played with my toys."

Yeah, there was definitely something wrong with me, because I almost blushed when he said those words. I had no idea how it managed to sound seductive in my ears, since Near had said those words many times before and I had never, ever thought them in that way. Ever.

But maybe it was for his outfit that I had so stupid thoughts. He just looked so damn tempting…

"Yeah…" I said, picking nervously up my chocolate bar, just to get something to do with my hands.

Near watched me as I bit a piece with a loud crack.

"Is it okay to you if I eat here?" he said suddenly. "I'm feeling hungry."

_Near was _hungry_?_ I heard those words so rarely coming out of his mouth, that I didn't even think before nodding. Dear lord how I regretted the decision right after it.

The albino turned around and reached behind the camp bed to get his bag. And I had a way too good view of his ass. It wasn't like the revealing outfit and the sweltering heat wasn't enough, I had to deal with my hormones going crazy at the sight of his backside. I had never stared at Near in that way before, for I had some manners nonetheless. But the boy really stretched my limits by looking _so damn hot. _Besides, with the long shirts he used I had never even had a chance to take a peek, but now the fabric had slid up his back as he picked the freaking bag.

Even though the moment had lasted only few seconds, I still felt the warmth in my lower stomach as the boy turned back around. I didn't shift my gaze from him, partly because it was impossible not to stare and partly because it would have probably looked a bit suspicious. Near had no idea about my immoral thoughts and obviously thought it was okay to be in his underwear since we were both guys and we were friends.

I cracked another bit of the soft chocolate, and immediately was about to choke on it when I saw that Near picked a banana out of the bag.

Of all the food in the world, of all the fruits he liked, he had to pick up the one.

Okay, it's not like I couldn't control myself. It was just a hot Near in his underwear eating a banana in front of a guy who was becoming sexually frustrated just by the heat of the room. Seriously, I hadn't had any kind of action the whole autumn and I hadn't even thought about the whole thing until now, when I finally became painfully aware of it.

The boy was perfectly unknowing of my growing lust, and seemed undisturbed as he quietly peeled the banana. When he put it in his mouth, I gathered all my mind-power and turned to my phone. I didn't know what I was doing, just browsing through Facebook without thinking anything. Fine, maybe I glanced at the boy few times. I couldn't resist it. And my eyes got stuck again when he slowly bit a piece, lips making as small 'o' around the fruit. His innocent look met my not-so-innocent, and I felt the warmth surging a bit lower than earlier.

Eyes back to the phone, I tried to calm myself. _Pull yourself together, idiot! Are you going to freak him out by being a sick bastard? Just don't stare at him like a bar of chocolate! _

I had the most difficult few minutes in my life, trying not to lift my gaze to Near before he had eaten the whole damn banana. Finally he put the peelings to the trash and stretched back to his bed into a position that didn't help my situation at all. I could see every damn curve of his pale body, but when the albino's curious gaze was on my face, I couldn't even scan him. Then again, it was probably better that way.

"Mello…" Near said, and I felt another wave of heat inside me. "I'm hot."

Why couldn't that teaser understand how hard time I already had when trying not to just jump on him? And why did my brain turn everything he said into something a lot dirtier?

"I'm sorry, but the window's stuck." I sighed. "We're going to have to bear it. Or go to your room."

The look in his face became apprehensive, and I immediately regretted my words.

"I think it's better to stay here, though." I added quickly, and Near relaxed. He obviously hadn't got too warm feelings for the room he had seen all those nightmares.

But before my mind got distracted by the dreams again, Near had shifted a little and the shirt shifted off from his stomach, making me bothered again. It became harder and harder to control myself every minute. Why the hell was I so easily led by my emotions? Near would never have that kind of problems.

"I'm not really sleepy." Near said, eyes observing me somewhat expectantly. "Could we watch a movie?"

The panic inside me grew as I thought about Near getting any closer to me. If he sat near me on my bed with that outfit and flushed face, I knew I would make an impulsive move sooner or later. And Near would be disgusted.

"N-no." I said fast, trying to hide the desperate tone in my voice. Near tilted his head at me as he stood up.

"Why?" he asked as starting to walk closer. The whole thing went even worse when his sleeve slid off the shoulder and exposed more silky skin. I swallowed hard, turning my gaze off of him. I was pretty sure that there was a twitch on my lower regions as the albino sat next to me.

"I…just don't feel like it… and I just came from a shitty movie…" I muttered, and I couldn't even question why Near had moved next to me on the first place. My mind had become a bit blurry.

"Mello, your chocolate." Near said, and I noted just now the chocolate bar that was melting on my lap.

The dainty white hands were already going to pick it up, but I grabbed them before he could reach the chocolate. My heart rate was going crazy and I was hundred percent positive that if he had touched my lap, I would have gone wild. The albino had no idea how close I was to lose my control, and when he blinked at me and made the most confused, innocent and angelic face that I had ever seen, I couldn't take it anymore.

I jumped up without caring about the chocolate that fell to the mattress and hastily grabbed the boots from the floor.

"M-Mello…?" Near's voice was concerned and asking. But I couldn't explain it to him.

"I'm going to a little walk. I'll be back soon, so you can go to sleep already." I put the shoes on and with grabbing the coat I rushed out of the door, leaving the abashed albino behind me.

.

.

A/N: Goddamnit guys, I have no idea how to insert link in here so if you want to read the story in Near's POV, you have to go there by my profile. I'm not sure if the problem is in this site or my writing program or am I just so mentally challenged that I can't figure it out, but yeah….

It's there. Heh. I decided to make it in completely other story, because I wouldn't be satisfied with taking only a bits of his mind to show here, and blah blah no one cares what I waffle

so anywaaay, the story's name is **State of dreaming**.

Again, I apologize and thank you to every one of you who still have time to read this :) you're making me happy. Aaand thanks for the reviews, they're the thing what keeps my spirit up B)!


	12. Dreamer

The cold night air felt good in my lungs and helped me clear my head a little. My thoughts were even more messed up than usually, and now I was just highly embarrassed and self-blaming for the slight arousal in my pants. How in the hell I got myself in that situation? Why was I so weak that I got that excited about Near in his damn white underwear?

Sighing loudly I sat on the edge of the road, watching the lights coming from the city. Why the fuck was is so screwed up? If I had been in control of my emotions, I would never have gotten a crush on Near. And because of my nature, it was fucking hard to even hide them. It's not that I wasn't good enough actor, but to keep up scenery the whole time I was with him…

I shook my head. No, I couldn't surrender to self-pity. So what, I got a crush? Whatever. Maybe it was hard for me to hide it, and maybe it felt like hell when I had to run away from situations like that, but I definitely wasn't the type that just gave up and whined about it like some loser. Near was my friend, and he was worth the effort. By the time my feelings for him would disappear, and if not, then I'd just have to come up with a new plan. I'd just have to jump out of the misery and swallow my emotions. I wasn't a loser.

I sat there at least ten minutes, gathering self-control and breathing fresh air, before returning back to my room.

Near had already gone to bed. The room was dark and just as sweltering as it had been when I left, but now that the albino was sleeping, I had no problem to take my shirt and pants off and sleep only in underwear. Thank god I had enough control to just jump on my bed without glancing him, even though I saw from the corner of my eye that he still hadn't got the blanket over him.

I fell asleep, hoping strongly that it would be a lot easier in the morning.

Well, you can't always get want you want.

.

.

At first I wasn't sure why I woke up. The room was even darker than before, so it couldn't be even four in the morning yet, and it was as silent as usually that time. My sleep was rarely broken at night, so it was odd for me to experience that without even a cause to it. But then again, it wasn't _that _rare to wake up this way.

As I decided still in half-sleep that I should just turn my side and keep resting, I heard a subdued sound coming behind me. Had Near said something? Is that why I woke up?

"Near?" I whispered tiredly. I couldn't even open my eyes, and when there was no answer, I didn't even feel the need for that. I had probably just imagined.

But then I heard it again, and this time I was sure he had made a noise. I lifted my lids wearily, and immediately tensed after that. Near had made another sound, and this time it sounded suspiciously a lot like a moan.

Could it be…?

"….Mnnnhh…hn…." the albino sifted restlessly, and even though I didn't see his face, I could've imagined the slight blush painting his cheekbones.

God-fucking-damnit.

I stared at the black ceiling in horror. It clearly wasn't a nightmare, no. Actually it was something quite different that the boy was seeing in his mind, I was sure about that. He let out soft moans and moved lightly in the camp bed. I was about to scream at the stupid world. Like the earlier wasn't enough, now I had to hear as someone was doing him in his sleep?

In seconds I was fully awake, and thinking hard. Should I have woken him up?

No, he would have gotten embarrassed, since it wasn't too difficult to deduce the reason of getting wakened. He had obviously a problem down his pants, judging from the breathy groans.

"…Ah…Me…mnnnhh…..mehhn…"

Then what should I have done? I couldn't wake him up, I just couldn't. But listening to his needy voice like that…

"…ah…mnnh…ah…ah…" the boy continued moaning

I wrapped my pillow to cover my ears when I felt the familiar flush of warmth going down my lower regions. I invented few new swearwords as trying to keep my mind out of the boy, instead cursing my fucking ridiculous life that had to put me into the most awkward situations of all time. I was already blushing violently and pretty angry at myself too, because idiotic questions kept popping to my head.

Like, who was he dreaming about? I could surely extrapolate _what _he was doing in the sleep, but with whom exactly? And why the hell was this happening to me again?

I didn't have time to ponder those matters, when I heard a loudest moan this far, and after that, nothing.

Shifting the pillow from my ears, I turned to look at Near, who apparently had come into his pants, and even more important, awakened. I saw the white figure getting into a sitting position and replacing the earlier loudness with abnormal silence.

I had to close my eyes when the boy shifted his head to my direction. Pretending to be asleep, I felt his gaze drilling on me, but after few moments he apparently rode up and left the room.

I couldn't even open my eyes to stare at the ceiling. With fifteen minutes of silence, my mind fell back to the unconsciousness, and I felt like the worst friend ever.

.

.

"Hey, you okay? You look a little white." Matt said for the first thing in the morning lecture.

"Yeah, I'm fine…" I muttered as sitting down next to him. "Just tired."

I _was_ tired. Also uncomfortable and a bit worried, since Near had left my room before I had awoken, and I hadn't seen him after that. Okay, maybe it was a bit awkward for him, but for his point of view I had been sleeping while he …um, released the pressure. I hoped he was okay, even though he wasn't used to this stuff. Or maybe he was, I hadn't actually asked that when I had the chance in the party. Who the hell asks people about their wet dreams anyway?

Why was I thinking about that again?

"Oh…" Matt grinned to me. "So how was the last night?"

For a moment I just stared at him in horror. Had he somehow got to know what had happened?

"W-what? Nothing happened, what the hell are you talking about?" I stuttered.

The redhead raised his brows into a questioning look, expression turning confused.

"You told me about the radiator last night…" he said slowly. "And I thought it would have been a bit hot there to sleep. Mello, is there something I should know?"

Oh fuck. How the hell did I lose my sense in such innocent comment I could have had passed with a shrug? Sometimes I really wanted to hit myself.

"I said it already, nothing." My murmuring had turned into ashamed. I had never acted so stupidly in my life, and it was kinda humiliating.

"It's okay, pal, I'm your best buddy. You can tell me." Matt said, getting the impish look in his eyes again.

"There's nothing to tell, Matt. Now shut up."

"Right, right…" the redhead gave up, seeing that I really wasn't in the mood for argument.

He glanced at me regularly during the lecture, but I didn't care. Talking about it wouldn't help. What would I even have said to him? 'You know, Matty, actually I'm kinda uptight because I have a serious crush in Near, who by the way had a wet dream last night and now I feel like a huge perv for witnessing it. Isn't life wonderful?'

Without giving anything out, I tried to listen to the teacher and ignore the redhead beside me.

.

.

I saw Near on the next break. While talking with Jamie about some not-so-important issue, the albino was talking with Matt on the other side of the corridor. And I didn't notice him at first, but when I did, Jamie's talking passed my ears without an effect.

This time their conversation seemed to be a little different than last time. Matt wasn't smirking, and instead looked a bit surprised and concerned. Near talked to him with a low tone, frowning with a rueful look in his gray eyes. I had no idea what they were talking about, but it seemed like it was something serious. If he had made Matt straight-faced, then it had to be important.

_What _were they talking about? And why didn't Near come to me, if he had some kind of worries? I mean, I was the closest one for him. Or so I had thought…

Even though I felt like I needed to jump in, something inside me told me not to interrupt. If they wanted to talk in peace, then fine. Moreover, I still felt guilt for stupid shit like noticing Near to be a human and having an erotic dream, which kinda made me not wanting to talk to him.

But, being the erratic son of a bitch I was, I had to intervene by the time. Jamie hadn't even noticed my lack of concentration, and was probably pretty surprised as I just left him standing there and strode to the redhead and albino.

Both of them got quiet immediately, and I noted how the younger boy didn't meet my gaze.

"Hey, what's up?" I said as if not getting that the previous conversation was private.

"Ceiling, I think." Matt said, but I didn't pay attention to him. Near still didn't look at me, and his whole being screamed 'uncomfortable'. Was it that embarrassing to him, even though he didn't even know I heard him? Poor guy.

"Um, Near, you okay? You look a bit… tired." I uttered, ignoring Matt entirely.

That didn't stop him from being annoying, though. "I'm sure he's fine, Mels. We should go to the lecture, I think we're late already…."

"…Matt, could you leave us alone for a moment?" Near spoke suddenly, but now he gave my best pal a meaning look. I wish I knew what the hell _was_ the meaning behind it. Matt didn't seem too pleased, since he narrowed his eyes for a moment, but eventually shrugged and turned around.

Now the albino finally met my eyes, but only for a moment, before turning away again. I don't think the situation would have gone more awkward even if we tried to.

Not wanting to raise any suspicion, I tried to act ignorant and asked the obvious. "Did you have another nightmare?"

Okay, maybe the scene was kinda bothersome, and maybe I felt crappy and awful person, but I still couldn't help myself for finding Near absolutely adorable when he blushed slightly and raised a hand to twirl his white locks. I would have looked ridiculous doing something like that.

"No, I didn't have a nightmare…" his eyes were anywhere but on me. "I am fine, really. But I still need to talk about our sleeping sort-out."

I felt cold grip on my stomach, when I understood where it was going.

Near inhaled quietly before continuing. "You don't have to take me in your room to sleep anymore. I asked Chris, and he promised to get me the same pills that he got you."

I couldn't think clearly. Had the incident really affected him that much? Did he change the room just to be safe that that wouldn't happen again? Or did he just want to get rid of me?

A thought made me almost shiver. What if Near had understood my weird behavior correctly last evening and wanted to get away from me as soon as possible?

"…You said that the sleeping pills don't work." I stated, trying not to sound offended.

The boy kept his eyes on the floor. "Last time I tested them years ago, so I can't be hundred percent sure. And they work for you too."

Asking 'why do you want to go back to your own room to sleep' would have been a waste of time. He would just say the normal reasons, like the camp bed's being too uncomfortable or that he needed own time or something. But my head and mouth didn't always act together.

"Why are you suddenly in such a rush to get out of there?" I crossed my arms to my chest and pouted my lips, displeased.

"I just don't want to cause you any extra trouble." his eyes avoiding mine was starting to become frustrating. What happened last night wasn't _that _bad, for fuck's sake! He was a human, he was a normal people and the most important, he was a teenager. I didn't expect him to be a robot with no cravings.

"It's really not bothering me, but if you want to sleep in your room, then go ahead." I answered. "It's not like I can handcuff you on that camp bed."

…wait, what the fuck did I just say?

The blush that suddenly painted the cheeks of our both was utterly embarrassing. Why didn't I think before I spoke? What the fuck? Why would you mention handcuffs and a bed in the same sentence, without meaning it to be something fucking dirty?

"I-I meant-" I quickly corrected, but Near just nodded, still glowing red.

"I know what you meant." he said, voice unbelievably calm, compared to the situation. "I think we should go to the lecture. See you in the next break."

"Right, yeah…see you." I muttered back, and Near turned away.

.

.

So, Near stopped sleeping in my room. I asked him about the pills the next day, for Chris had already gotten some for him, and he told me they worked. Near had finally gotten rid of the dreams in a way that didn't include sleeping with people, so why did I feel so upset?

It felt a bit lonely to sleep alone, even though we did it only a short amount of time. Still, I should have been happy. Near's health and happiness should have been the important things, not that I was a bit sad that I had to sleep alone.

Well, actually I started the habit to stay over the night in Matt's room again. We played video games as usually, Matt joked and I felt a little better about myself. No, actually I just felt like a huge idiot. My feelings for Near were still too little on the 'let's play video games and laugh'-side and way too much on the 'let's kiss each other breathless'-side, and it made my life insanely difficult. Actually, instead of waning, I think my crush for him just grew. Every time I saw him, my heart made a little flip, and I felt incredibly bad when he still had difficulties to look at me in the eyes. I loved it when he looked me in the eyes. He had all those amazing shades of silver in them, and by them I could catch more than few of the sparse emotions he showed in his face.

And _that _exactly was the problem with me. Because in the middle of our gaming, I could just swell on my thoughts of how mellow his lips had looked the other hour or something. And of course Matt noted, when I accidentally lost the puck in the NHL game or drove out of the road in car games. That might had something to do with the fact that I sucked at playing video games, but it was still quite obvious that I wasn't paying attention.

One time my pal got however enough when we were about to play Super Mario Bros. He had asked which one I wanted to play, Luigi or Mario, and I had replied with 'whatever'.

"Dude, you _never_ want to play the second guy. You've been all head in the clouds these days, so care to explain that what the heck goes through your head?" he spoke as he put the controller aside.

Answering honestly wouldn't probably be the best choice, since Matt didn't think Near's lips as sweetly as I did. Instead of telling him how I imagined myself making out with Near, I just shrugged.

"Just…stuff." I muttered when nothing else came to mind.

Matt rolled his green eyes. "Jeez, really? Stuff? Mello, how the hell do you think I can help you with your problems if you have no intention to share them with me?"

"Who said I needed help?" I frowned at him.

"I don't need anyone to tell me when my best buddy's stressed." he frowned back. "Tell me, does this have something to do with the fact that Near isn't sleeping in your room anymore?"

I just stared at him in silence. How did he do that? How did he just immediately know when I was upset about something and just made it all seem like it would be solved if I just spoke with him about it?

"…Fine. Yeah, it has something to do with it." I admitted.

"Okay. I get that you were just sleeping there, blah, blah, blah. And I'm not going to ask why you had sleepover every night, since you're here all the time too, but could you explain to me why did you stop?"

The actually caring tone in Matt's voice made me think. Was it right from me to answer? I knew it would be bitchy to Near if I told anyone about his private stuff, but this was Matt and he was completely, hundred percent trustworthy.

I inhaled slowly before answering. "I suppose he was a bit ashamed after having ….um, an exciting dream."

Now it was Matt who stared at me. For some time we just looked at each other in silence, and then he facepalmed.

"What?" I asked, frowning again. I didn't get Matt's reaction.

He just lifted his head from his hand and looked at me, god knows want going through his head. "Nothing. Um, so does he know that you heard it?"

"No, I don't think so. I faked sleeping."

"Riiight. Okay, so he obviously wants to sleep in his own room so if that happens again, no one's there to hear him. And you know that, right?" Matt had an impatient tone, as if I had frustrated him somehow.

"Yeah…"

"Then the problem is in the fact that you want him to sleep in your room again." the redhead made his point clear.

"Yeah, fine, maybe I like it when there's someone sleeping in my room." I muttered stubbornly. I didn't know when, but by the days Matt had gone from the innocent teasing from straight speaking, and it was getting confusing. But even with Matt's more mature behavior, I didn't want to admit my crush to anyone, because…then it would have been official. There wouldn't be a way back.

"Yeah, or maybe you want someone certain to sleep in the same room. In the same bed, actually. Probably even spooning." oh, there we went again.

I couldn't stay there and listen to it. I just wasn't ready to give up. Without a word, I jumped up and left to the door.

"Mello, you're not going to get anywhere with the problem until you admit it."

I shut the door behind me.

.

I hadn't even gotten to my room, before I felt a vibrating in my pocket.

**From: Matt**

**Admit it.**

Sighing, I sat down to a window seat in a hallway, pulled my right knee close to my chest and started typing.

**To: Matt**

**First, I have no idea who you are talking about. Second, leave me alone, scumbag.**

**From: Matt**

**Heh, you said 'who' you are talking about instead of 'what'. Gotcha.**

Why didn't my brain work like normally? That was so stupid mistake that I couldn't even believe it for a moment.

**To: Matt**

**That doesn't mean anything**

**From: Matt**

**If you want me to explain this to you simpler, then….Near, Mello, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G **

I started to hear a noise coming from the corridor behind the corner, and I annoyed me almost as much as Matt's stupid text messages

**To: Matt**

**Why are you so obsessed with this topic**

**From: Matt**

**I'm just waiting for the day you and Snow white finally confess it to each other**

**To: Matt**

**Don't call him Snow white. And there's nothing going on between us.**

The voices on the other corridor seriously pissed me off. There was obviously a gang of douchebags again, picking on some half of their size. Dickheads.

**From: Matt**

**Don't you wonder who was Snow white dreaming about that night?**

I heard laughing and gabbling, but couldn't hear what it was about. Now I was even more irritated, but more because of Matt's message. He sounded so suggestive, and I knew that what he was implying was impossible, so it really got on my nerves.

**To: Matt**

**I don't care. **

I did care.

**From: Matt**

**You do care.**

The laughing vanished and the gabbling started to be a little bit huffier. The victim had probably said something against the bullies, and the thugs obviously got angry. The voices came a little closer in sync with steps.

"…are ….going to….away?" I picked up a few words, but didn't pay attention to it.

**To: Matt**

**What the fuck are you implying? Like I would give a rat's ass who's the one fucking him in his sleep**

**From: Matt**

**You want to know what I'm implying? Let me tell you what I'm implying-**

My attention got off the phone when I heard the next words coming around the corner.

"…why are you...freak? Fucking… sheep-boy…!"

A familiar nickname which those fucking bullies of Near had liked to use whenever harassing him. Blood started boiling in my veins as I jumped up and moved closer. I would beat them up so badly, that none of them could even stand the next day.

The voices got clearer as I got closer, but instantly on the corner I stopped.

"…I thought I could finally have some sleep, and then you start the fucking screaming again!" the voice belonged to the one who had whined about Near earlier to me.

It took a moment before the comment sank in. I couldn't believe it.

Near had lied, of course he had. The pills hadn't worked. No, he probably hadn't even asked them from Chris in the first place. He had lied to me.

The shock kept me in one place, not being able to move.

"Have you considered ear plugs?" came the answer in monotone voice.

"He still dares to be a smug bitch." one voice growled.

"Are you seriously as stupid as you look like?" other asked.

Near yelped a little, and I wasn't sure what had happened, but someone had obviously hurt him.

"What if…" the familiar guy's voice sounded horribly slimy. "We'd make you scream as loud as you do at nights? Maybe you would be a little quieter when the rest of us are sleeping."

I heard laughing, then a little thump when small body was pressed against the wall. He let out another yelp, which dragged me out of my trance.

A surge of fury ran through my spine and made me squeeze my hands into fists. I turned around the corner, saw the three guys cornering one paler one to the wall, one of them lifting him by the collar. Near didn't look scared, just a bit weary and…I don't know, and I didn't even want to. I wasn't only mad at the guys around him, I was mad at _him _too.

"What do you think will hurt you most? Hitting your face, lungs or stomach?" the one with picking Near asked with amused tone. None of them noticed me as I walked to his back.

"I don't know, they say that balls would be pretty painful." my voice juddered with anger, and I didn't even think as I kicked him straight between the legs.

The two other guys hadn't time to do anything, as I knocked their heads together. Three pained cries came out, but I didn't give a fuck about them, just pulled Near away from then by my hand, before hissing to the idiots with murderous voice.

"I see you ever again close to Near, even fucking once, and I will shoot you."

The guys just looked at me choked up, except the one I had kicked in the balls. That one rolled on the floor and held his crotch, murmuring curses under his breath.

"Come on." I said to Near, gripping his arm and dragging him away from them before I'd get _really_ angry.

.

The blank expression in his face didn't change as we left the hallway to another one. As soon as I felt that I was able to stop without turning back and beating them lifeless, I let my tight hold from Near's hand and gave him meanest look that I had ever given to him.

I was just so freaking angry.

"Was it true? Are you're still seeing the nightmares?" I snarled.

The look in his face was guilty, and he swallowed before answering. "…Yes, but-"

"So you lied to me?" I didn't let him finish. I didn't care, I was just so pissed off.

"Mello, it's not what you-"

"FUCKING ANSWER TO ME!" it was the first time ever that I shouted to him, and it felt incredibly bad and incredibly good at the same time.

I was so furious that he had lied. And that he made me feel things I didn't want to, and he himself probably had none of that sort of problems. He was just so fucking calm all the time.

"…Yes, I did, but-"

"I just don't fucking get you." I shook my head, not giving a fuck about his defense. "You'd rather see nightmares than sleep in my room? "

"No, you don't understand-"

"What I understand, is that you lied." I growled.

"Would you just let me finish?" he asked still as steady as always.

"No!" I spat through gritted teeth, giving him the last glare.

"Mello-" he tried, but I had already turned around.

I couldn't help myself. I was emotional and moody, and I hated so fucking much when people lied to me. I didn't look back, and slammed the door behind me as I got to my own room.

.

.

A/N: arghh, some chapters are just way too hard to write and this was definitely one of them…..well, the next one shouldn't be that problematic since I have already planned everything…

Don't worry, it's going to turn happier…..

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH (this is the part where you should start worrying)


	13. Teenage rebel

I was still rather pissed off the next day. Or even more than pissed, I was offended. When settling in my place in the morning's first lecture, I couldn't stop thinking how Near had rather chosen to see nightmares than to sleep in my room. I couldn't understand it. Right, he didn't want me to wake up some night to hear him moaning in the camp bed, but _still._ Was that really worse than seeing those horrible dreams? What was he so scared of? Or was it actually the fact that he might have somehow gotten to know about my feelings…?

In that case, I would have understood him. It probably wasn't nice to sleep next to a fickle person who could kiss you in any moment just because you said something smart or looked cute in your nightwear. But if that wasn't the case, then fuck him.

Though it was still really hard no to glance over my shoulder at him every other second. I didn't really know how he had reacted to my raging, since I hadn't stayed there enough to get to know. But I assumed he wasn't at least happy about it. He had wanted to explain, but I hadn't listened…

"Hey, are you excited?" Chris asked next to me, smiling a little nervously.

I raised my eyebrows. "About what?"

"We're going to get our essay back, you ignorant slut." Matt said on my other side.

Right, the essays. I hadn't thought about them in a while, and didn't really care about the whole shit anymore. I was going to get a good grade anyway, so why bother to think about it?

"To be honest, I don't care." I just shrugged, and Chris rolled his eyes at me.

"I should have known. We others have to work for our grades, you know." he spoke, still pretty cheerily. "I wonder how good mark Near's going to get."

I snorted, but didn't answer. It was obvious that he had gotten perfect grade, but in the usual scale I probably had the same score. If the criticism was tougher, he would have gotten better number than I.

As the hour passed, the other students started to become more and more nervous. Except for me and my friends, Near included. We seemed all to be in some kind of 'don't care'-zone, while the others were practically crying. No, actually I saw a girl in the front corner crying, and I had to stop laughing when Matt kicked me on the ankle.

Finally when the lecture was over, the teacher started to hand over the essays. I waited patiently my turn, seeing as Chris and Matt got their works and left the classroom grinning at me.

In the end, there was only Near and I in the class. How surprising. We dodged each other's gazes as moving to the front of the class.

When the last student had shut the door behind him, the teacher turned to us.

"I'm going to have to talk with you. Near, go wait behind the door. Mello, you stay." the man said in harsh tone.

I was a bit annoyed at that point, because I knew what was about to come. And as I had excepted, the teacher passed the essay at me angrily when Near left the room. It had a beautiful letter F in the front of it.

"Wow, how hard judgment do you guys have? I thought I did well." I said, using a bit too little sarcasm in my voice for the teacher to get it. He scowled at me as if I had just proved how impossible it would be that _I_ had written something like that.

"You do understand that copying a text from the internet is not only illegal, but also forbidden in the school's rules?" the teacher looked at me sternly, and I sighed.

"I did not copy it from the internet."

He looked at me in a way that couldn't be nothing else than 'you already get caught, don't make things any worse'.

"Are you seriously expecting me to believe that eighteen-year-old boy who never listens the lecturing in classes would get something this intelligent written in the paper? This text goes even over my understanding in some points, and I am after all a professor." he huffed.

I was a bit disappointed in myself. I had tried so hard to make it simple enough for the teacher to get too, but obviously I had overestimated that fool. But then again, I appreciated the compliments.

"Thank you for your kind words, but I really haven't copied it from anywhere. Neither do I have made someone else do it for me. It's all my writing, coming straight from my own head." I explained to him as slow as possible. Just that he would get it and give me my perfect grade.

Unfortunately he really didn't seem to grasp it. "Didn't your parents ever teach you not to lie?"

I sighed again. "Actually, they did. Thanks for the concern. But have you found something like that text on the internet? Is there actually any proof that I have copied it?"

The teacher looked a bit uneasy. "Well, not exactly…but there are millions of sites in the internet and I am sure that you could have gotten your hands in one of those with this kind of material. The text in this essay is a work of physic genius, not some teenage rebel."

There they were again, the words that really, really pissed me off. I had to gather all of my self-control for not stuffing the essay down his throat.

I inhaled calmly before opening my mouth again. "What's the stuff you didn't get?"

The expression in his face was pretty unforgettable as he stared at in bewilderment. "What?"

"I'd like to know what you didn't get, so I can explain it to you." I explicated slowly, like the man was mentally challenged.

The teacher reddened furiously before starting to rant. "Look, young man, you can't just-"

Without giving a thought of his roaring, I took the essay in his hands. "I assume that you had hard time with this part, correct?" I pointed a spot I supposed was too difficult for even the professional like him.

"Y-Yes, but that's not the point now-" he tried to speak out, but I interrupted.

"Look, it goes like this…" and I explained it to him as simply as I could, not caring about the shocked look on his face as he stared me.

After deciding that he had understood, I passed the essay back for him to correct my grade for better one. But when doing that, he shook his head in unbelieving way.

"You have probably just committed this to your memory so you could have perfect explanation when I'd catch you." he stated stubbornly.

How frustratingly stupid person.

"What's the problem here? You don't think I am smart enough to write that?" I started to lose my patience, and the teacher obviously took it as a sign of nervousness of my 'plan' failing.

"Well, if you wouldn't mind, I could make you a few exercises on the board to make sure I am right in this." he smiled smugly, as if expecting me to turn the offer down and revealing myself.

"Sure." I just said, raising my eyebrows in a challenging way.

Still smirking, he turned to make pretty complex physics calculation, and I solved it the same time he wrote. Finally he finished writing, and I with a polite smile I took the chalk and put the fucking solution under the exercise.

The teacher was taken aback, and couldn't say a word when I turned back to him and gave him the chalk.

"Is that all?" I asked. The challenge had been really hard level, but seriously, one physics problem doesn't measure your intelligent.

But now when the teacher had passed the shock, he looked at me rather curiously.

"No, actually, I'd like to ask you a few questions." he stated, and I was about to hack my head on the wall. Why was he prolonging this?

But seeming that I had no other choice, I answered nicely to his stupid questions to test my intelligence, when in fact my answers were just random trivia which anyone could have known if they wanted to. Why didn't he ask me something challenging instead? I was tired of naming the approximation of pi.

Finally he stopped, when I recalled him about Near on the other side of the door, waiting for his turn.

"Right, right. Back in the business again, I think I have misjudged you." he smiled like it was a funny how he had 'misjudged' me and was actually happy now that we had sorted things out. "I am going to count your scores again, of course. You can come to pick this up again the day after tomorrow."

I just nodded.

Feeling pretty relieved, I stepped out of the class. I didn't even look at Near as he passed me to the teacher's torment.

.

.

I didn't talk to Near for the rest of the day. Actually, I didn't even see him anywhere, and it was fine by me. I was angry, and not wanting to see the person you're mad at would be just normal.

Except that I wanted to see him. I knew somewhere in my mind that I hold on to the feeling of anger just because it was easier to deal with than the other emotions I had towards him. Yeah, I was a coward. But at least for I second I could pretend that I was mad at him for lying, not that because he made my heartbeat unsteady whenever he smiled.

One reason for me not seeing Near was probably the fact that I stayed almost the whole day in my room. I used my day listening to music, writing, scratching off the worn layer of paint on the wall and reading. At one point I actually started going through the names of the little booklet Beyond had left behind, but it started to creep me out too much, so I just stuffed it back under my mattress, next to the gun.

Eventually I was so bored that I did stuff that I am not too proud of, and of course Matt had to pick just that moment to walk in.

We just stared at each other stiff, before Matt started laughing pretty too loud for my liking. I grabbed the gun and pointed it at him, narrowing my eyes.

"Close the door." I hissed, and he kicked the door shut behind him, still not stopping the howling. "And don't fucking ever tell about this to anyone. EVER."

He held his stomach while falling to the ground to laugh, and I really started to feel embarrassed.

"It's just a nail polish, for fuck's sake!" I shout at him, but he didn't stop the laughing. I would have gone and beat him shitless, if I hadn't got my toenails just painted in black.

"You are the worst friend ever." I muttered, and had to wait for ten minutes before Matt finally wiped the tears of laughter off his eyes and sat next to me on my bed.

"Sooo…what are you going to do with your fingernails? Manicure?" he grinned at me.

"Shut up, I was bored." I snapped, and I only then remembered that I had the gun still in my hands. Overreacting, much? With a sigh, I stuffed it back under the mattress.

"Where did you even get that?" Matt inquired.

"Um, Beyond left it to his cache so-" I started, but he interrupted.

"No, I meant the nail polish."

The grin on his lips made me almost automatically grab a pillow and slam it to his head, but Matt just started laughing again.

"And you seriously still wondering why I think you're into guys?" he sniggered, and I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, you think straight people can't use nail polish?"

"Of course they can." the redhead smirked. "Actually, why shouldn't we make manicures, go threaten some idiots and see if there's any change in their behavior?"

Now I grinned back. "Yeah, let's do it. I don't have manicure set, though."

"No problem, we can go to Linda. I'm sure she'll help." Matt jumped up from my bed. "But really, Mels, where the hell did you even get that stuff?"

"Um, it was from Ben… as a joke, I suppose." I replied while walking with him to the door. Beyond was still a bit touchy subject, since he hadn't even called yet, so Matt just nodded.

"I'm sure he would be proud of us right now. C'mon, let's make some psychological tests." Matt lifted the smile on his face once again.

"Yeah…"

.

I had been in a pretty weird situations in my life, but I think that one had to be the strangest of them all. Matt was sitting on Linda's bed and getting his fingernails manicured with pink nail varnish, and I was sitting on a vintage armchair which had beige flower design, playing Logo quiz with my phone. The room smelled like makeup and hair spray and other stuff girls used on their heads, though I could definitely see how it was Linda's room. There were crayons, pencils and paintbrushes on the desk and shelf amongst empty paper piles and drafts. Walls were full of her watercolor paintings, charcoal drawings and photographs. There was an easel next to me, which I had almost dumped as settling myself on the chair in my usual careless way.

And somehow it still managed to look neater than my room did.

"Remind me again, why are you doing this?" Linda said, partly amused and partly confused as spreading the varnish to Matt's nail.

"For science." he answered as cheerily as always.

Linda sighed and shook her head. "Right. Should've known. So who are the lucky ones you're going to harass?"

Matt looked at me questioningly over Linda's shoulder, but I just shrugged at him.

"We're not quite sure yet." he stated. "Maybe those guys who always taunts Near…though if there are too many of them, then it's out of the question."

"Oh, speaking of Near…." Linda started as putting away the pink polish and taking white instead. "Is everything okay between you two, Mello?"

I winced at the question. I had had him out of my head at least few hours now, and the feeling of exasperation and something little nicer started to take over me again.

"…Uh, I am a bit mad at him. Why?"

"He seemed to be a little downhearted today. I mean, you can't really tell about it by his expressions, but he was alone in the lounge, building a dice castle, so I went to him and…well, he talked exactly the same way he had talked when we didn't know each other that well." Linda put the white varnish away and took a top coat from the table she had sorted every one of her nail polishes. "Answered politely and so, but not really conversing. So I asked him if everything was ok…he nodded, but I guess he just didn't want to talk about it."

Why was it so hard to be mad at the boy? When Linda told me that, all the anger immediately vanished. I didn't want Near to be upset, even though he had offended me with lying and…. all the stuff with choosing nightmares instead of me. But still, I felt horrible to hear him to be sad.

"So how did you reason it had something to do with me?" I asked.

I could have sworn that she rolled her eyes, but I couldn't see it since she sat back towards me.

"First of all, I don't think that anyone else could make him melancholic like that. And second, when I asked him why wasn't he with you guys as usually, he said that 'I don't think I'm wanted company at the moment'. But he wouldn't explain when I asked why, so I just dropped it."

"Oh…" I just muttered. Matt was frowning at me behind her, look saying something like '_Why would you be mad at Near?_'

"Done. Mello, you're next." Linda said, trying to hold his laugh when the redhead noted his perfect manicure and waggled his fingers with a wide smirk.

"Thanks, Linda. Make sure that Mello's looks just as fabulous as mine." Matt sniggered as we switched out places.

"Right, so do you have any colour requests?" Linda asked as I sat in front of her.

"Umm…."

"He'll take golden!" Matt whooped, and I didn't refuse since I didn't really care. My mind had actually gotten stuck on thinking how childishly I had acted when I didn't let Near finish his sentences while raging at him. I didn't even know if he had a good explanation.

"So…why are you mad at Near?" Linda asked, as she picked the vial and started to paint my nails with the disturbingly striking colour. It didn't disturb me, though, since I actually liked attention.

"Uh…he just…lied to me about something important. It's no big deal." I muttered, and she raised her eyebrows at me.

"It sounds a big deal, since you're not talking to him."

Matt made an agreeing noise from the sofa, and I gave him a glare.

"I'm just a little pissed about it, okay?" I sighed. "I'll sort this out tomorrow. Now I just want to concentrate on this."

"Yeah, yeah." Linda sighed. "But really, Mello, I'm sure he wants to make this up for you. Don't be too hard on him, okay?"

"Yeah, Mels, we're sure Near wants to make out with you. And you're going to be so hard-"

I hurled a pillow on Matt's face before he had finished the sentence, and then apologized Linda for throwing her stuff.

"No problem." she just muttered, not shifting her gaze from my nails that were starting to look gorgeous. Our pals had gotten so used of our childish behavior that they didn't even give it another thought when Matt taunted me and I tried to hit him. "So do you want to have strass or glitter in these?"

"I think I'll manage without."

Matt rolled his eyes at me, waving his detail-filled nails. "Your game is weak, Mello."

Of course I couldn't let Matt beat me, so few minutes later I had a golden manicure with black strass. Laughing we left Linda, who just shook her head tiredly and told us not to get in trouble.

Well, we didn't get in trouble. Kinda. We couldn't find the douches that bullied Near, but we went to some other idiots and threatened them a little. To our delight, the test was successful. They were so confused after seeing our nails that they didn't even laugh, just stared us in horror and when we asked their opinions about them, they assured us that they were fabulous and nicely made.

I don't think I have laughed so much in ages. We did it for the rest of the evening, taunted people with our frightening expressions and awesome nails.

And when going to bed, I had almost forgotten the tiff with Near. Though it was a dispute only on my part. Deciding to go to him the next morning and hear out his explanation, I fell asleep.

.

.

In the middle of the night, knock on the door got me awake. At first I wasn't sure if I had heard right, because I couldn't believe that anyone would have the guts to disturb my sleep. I was so damn sleepy, and now also shirty, but I had no choice than to go and check who the hell it was. The room was so dark that I had to switch the lights on from my table lamp so I could find the door.

I stiffened as noticing who was behind it.

Near. The pale figure was trembling, hardly staying on his knees. My brains couldn't comprehend it at first, but somehow I managed to internalize that he was crying. Real, big, salty tears streamed down his face, and the absolute horror in his eyes made shivers ran through my spine. He stretched out his hands to me, and I didn't even think what I did, because it came as easily as breathing. I didn't need anything else than to see his broken form, and I had already pulled him close and wrapped my hands tightly around his fragile body.

His slim hands grabbed almost desperately on the back of my shirt, his breath quavering as he buried his face against my neck. He was weeping almost silently, and I think it hurt me more than if he had made a sound.

"…You died…" he whispered between quiet sobs. "…Why did you leave me…? You died…"

The pain in his voice, the teardrops that wet my collarbones, his unrestrained tremor. It was all torment to me.

"I'm here." I assured with suppressed voice. "I'm alive. And I'm definitely not going to leave you."

His shaking dampened slightly, but crying continued intense as I gently moved back to my bed, keeping him close to me the whole time. I laid us down on the bed, pulled him a little bit closer, and covered us with a blanket. He hold on to me with in such despair, that I had no time to think what was it all even about.

"…Please…don't leave me…" the quiet voice sounded too pained against my chest.

"I won't." I whispered back. "I promise."

Nothing else mattered. The stupid fight, the meaninglessness of my raging before…it was pointless. All I needed to do was comfort him, make the pain go away. I held him, listened how the sobs got quieter until they finally disappeared and the unconsciousness captured the albino again. But even when he had fallen asleep, I didn't let go, didn't stop guarding. I wanted to protect him so much, but I wasn't sure who I protected him from. I couldn't kill his nightmares, could I?

But with a little hope in my heart, that maybe just this was enough, I fell asleep with him.

.

.

A/N: guys I don't get this, like there's plenty of readers who never reviews and I'm here like ? DUUUDES I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS BULLSHITTERY this is so not cool

I have a special place in my heart to people who comments because you know it makes me happy and I like stuff that makes me happy

OKAY SORRY I SHOULD GO TO SLEEP ASDFGHJKKlldkldfklf

(oh, right, i apologize for the cliffhangers_._

...

...

_...actually i'm even less sorry than before)_

/hahahahahah i am laughing so much at my typos here! i had written 'coming to be' instead of 'going to bed', fixed that for you guys

jeez how hard it is to write clear text at four in the morning


	14. Institute

The two times I had awoken next to Near were terribly awkward since they weren't intended, but they were somehow pleasant in their own weird ways. I hadn't figured my feelings out yet back then, so I had immediately moved away from him. This awakening was something totally different.

First of all, I had been the one to wake up first in those other two times. This time, however, I got the pleasure to wake up and note the gray eyes looking at me only a few centimeters from my face. They had silver spots in the darker background, and the pupils were large. The morning light shone through his white hair, making it look bright and soft and quite angelic.

'Am I in heaven?' was quite reasonable question to ask at the moment. But then I remembered what had happened last night, and immediately came aware of his hands that gripped tightly my upper chest and back, my own arms that were wrapped around his smaller body and the fact that our legs were entangled to each other. He had never been so close, never been so tightly pressed against me.

"Good morning." he said quietly.

"As well…what time is it?" my voice sounded hoarse, but I was happy that I could even talk.

"Soon eight. We have one hour before the first lecture." Near replied almost as huskily as I did. There was still a little reddish shade in his eyes, revealing the earlier crying.

We just stared at each other for a moment in silence.

"Near….what happened?" I asked, unsurely "…In your dream?"

He blinked slowly and opened his mouth, but there were no words. I could read the expression in his face, and he didn't want to answer. He didn't want to think of it, he just wanted to feel safe. His earlier words made cold shivers run through my spines…_'you died'._

"I apologize…I couldn't-" he was starting to explain his behavior, but I didn't need it. He had been crying, goddamnit, and that was enough reason for me to forgive every mistake he had ever done.

"Stop. Just stop, okay?" I interrupted, and Near stared at me for a moment before nodding. "I should be the one who apologizes. I'm sorry, I acted like a little kid before. I am not angry to you, just…are you alright?"

He shifted his gaze from me, and it took a while before he nodded again.

"…Near, I really don't want to pressure you, but you were crying last night…and you told me not to leave you. What was the dream about?" I asked again, making the most careful and soft tone that I could.

He closed his eyes before answering, and I heard the quivering in his voice, that little shiver which revealed his anxiety and fright.

"It's stupid…I acted like a child…" he said, voice sounding fragile.

If the dream had been 'stupid' and he thought his behavior had been childish, why didn't he still let go of me? Why was his hold on me demanding, as if he had gripped even tighter if I had moved?

"That's ridiculous. It's a pure human instinct to try to find comfort after going through mentally stressful situations." I stated calmly. I was so worried, but I needed to be strong for him. Seeing him in a state like he had been at night was horrible to me, and at the moment, I hadn't got a single wrong thought about the position we were in.

I don't think I would have cared even if Near had been naked, because the only thing I cared at that moment was for him to feel better.

"I…I suppose. Physical contact does help." he muttered, and I felt my heart skipping a beat as he shifted just a bit closer. "I apologize if this makes you uncomfortable, but I hope that you wouldn't let go of me quite yet."

I shook my head slightly. "It doesn't make me uncomfortable. I am your friend, after all." _…a friend. _Who was the actual liar here?

He opened his eyes to look at me, and I couldn't understand what I saw behind them. Gratitude, maybe, but then something else too…was it sadness? More anguish?

"Thank you…" he said in silent tone, and I felt a little better. If my presence helped, then it didn't matter if I pretended to be just his 'friend'. I didn't want to ruin anything.

"But Near…you still haven't answered my question." I recalled gently. "It helps if you talk about it…"

"….Does it? I guess it does, then…." he murmured. "…it's hard, Mello. I don't want to remember it."

"It's just a dream, Near. It's not real." I tried to help him to open up, carefully watching how he looked at the ceiling in thoughts. His head lied on my shoulder, and the look in his eyes was distant. We were so close and warm against each other…and still it was nothing more than a friendship in Near's part.

But in the moment, I didn't care. All I wanted to do was console him, even at the cost of my own emotional pain.

"… To put it simply….you died." he breathed weakly, and I felt a cold grip around my heart. "It can't be too much of a surprise for you, that I've never had any closer friend that you are now… it didn't feel good. It still doesn't…"

"…it was a dream. I'm still very much alive." I muttered, feeling so bad for him. How it must have felt for him, to think his first and closest friend died? I knew the dreams, I knew how real they felt and I knew so well what were the feelings after waking up.

"I'm sorry…I needed to know…when I woke up, I had to make sure you…" his voice wore off at the end.

"Don't apologize, damnit. You just wanted to know if I'm okay, right? And I saw that _you_ weren't okay. You did nothing wrong." I reassured.

He just sighed, calming himself in that unnatural way I couldn't possibly understand. I wish I had known how to do it, how to take control over your mind and body as easily as he did. Just few breaths, and Near's reasoning was yet again perfect and his concentration impeccable.

"…in the dream….I couldn't panic. I wanted to, but it wasn't a choice in that situation. I said that…. 'it's fine'." he divulged a little more, voice almost disappearing wholly.

"Do you want to panic now?"

Near was quiet for a moment. "…No. That would be a waste of energy, since you are here alive. It was just a dream, as you said."

I nodded, still wondering how the hell he could just do that, be suddenly so reasonable again. All that self-control that guy possessed….he had been so different at night, so much more fragile and unstable. Though even now when his mind was in placid state, he still clung to me tightly, as if fearing that I would disappear if he wasn't alert.

It felt warm inside me to know that he cared about me that much, but in the other hand, there was a little part inside me hoping that he wouldn't. Fear of losing him was huge already, and when I got to know that I meant him so much, it was even harder not to be afraid of failing it all…

"Mello…." he broke the silence again, turning gray eyes to meet mine, and I was surprised to notice how he had a glimpse of amusement in them. "Is there any particular reason you have a manicure?"

I noted my still magnificent-looking nails, and smirked a little. "We made a psychological test with Matt."

"I see…" he uttered, a tiny smile tugging his lips up, obviously understanding our motives behind the act. "So what was the result?"

"Let's just say that we could wear pink lace dresses and still make people wince in fear when they'd see us."

"Obviously." he just stated. "I can't see a reason they wouldn't, since your striking power doesn't have anything to do with your sense of style."

"Except if I had a straitjacket on…that would be a bit problematic." I pouted my lips thoughtfully.

"I assume your sanity is well enough to make those kind of things needless for you to use." Near said.

"How do you know? I could be a maniac serial killer and desperately in need for mental service." I grinned evilly, and the albino rolled his eyes at me. I liked it how I managed to get his thoughts out of the nightmare, since it kinda crept me out too…

"Fine, then are you a maniac serial killer and desperately in need for mental service?" Near asked.

"No." I replied, raising my eyebrows impishly. "But how can you be sure I'm not lying?"

"By your body language, and I can assure you, you are not serial killer." he answered.

"Good to know." I smirked, but then my smile faded as I remembered something. "Uh…Near, about lying…."

I felt him tensing next to me, and I don't know if he feared me to get angry again or if he just really didn't want to talk about the matter, but I needed an explanation, so I didn't care. The question was burning, especially after last night when he had a nightmare about me dying…if he cared about me that much, why did he see those dreams instead of sleeping with me?

"…I am sorry. I shouldn't have lied, and I understand that you were mad, since you probably took it as an offence. Which it definitely wasn't." he was a bit uneasy explicating it.

"Still…I can't understand why you would choose nightmares over sleeping here." I muttered.

He inhaled before answering. "I…I hoped that I wouldn't have to explain this to you…because, to be honest, I want to see them. Lately…I don't know why, but…I have had a feeling that those nightmares would explain something. You probably can understand why I didn't want to tell you this, since now it looks like I am the one with the need of mental service."

I listened quietly, something pinching in my stomach. Why was the feeling Near described somehow so familiar-sounding? I didn't want to see those dreams again, but…what if I did? Why were we even seeing them? It wasn't too foolish optimism to think that maybe they would offer an answer to that question...and I had seen visions too…

What if just bearing them enough would eventually pay the pain back? What if there was a something underneath all this senselessness?

But I knew that I couldn't do it. Near had the abilities to tolerate it, but I…

"Why would you even say that?" I murmured. "I understand you…it's your choice. And I would never think you to be crazy. Little too intelligent and oddly white, though, but never a maniac."

Again he looked at me silently, something boiling in his gray eyes. "Mello, you never cease to surprise me."

"Yeah, I'm that sort…." I sighed quietly. "They say that you can never tell what's going inside my head."

"That's the thing in you, your ability to make surprise attacks." he sounded thoughtful.

"Right, especially in manicure-side. I bet you didn't see that coming." I tried to lighten up the atmosphere again, and it seemed to work, since Near was half-smiling again.

"Ah, you're right. Though I can't understand how you would benefit with making your nails look like that."

I winced a little when I heard my phone vibrating on my table, but I didn't care to pick it up. Instead I grinned at Near again.

"Liar. You know exactly what advantage I took in agreeing to do stupid shit with Matt."

Near pouted his lips. "Is it really just attention-seeking?"

"Well, that also, but the main reason is that I actually just like painting my nails."

The albino made an amused sound, and I felt better much better. It was nice trait to get him cheerier, since he wasn't actually the type to get easily entertained.

"Did you really do these by yourself?" he asked, suddenly gripping my hand. His slim white fingers took my own long ones closer to his face, and he looked at them with raised eyebrows.

"No, actually we went to Linda. Matt chose my colour." I muttered.

"Yeah, I thought it fit your hair." Matt whooped.

-Wait, _Matt _whooped?

Near and I lifted our eyes in sync to the doorway, where Matt was peeking from the gap with a wide grin on his face and – once again – a camera in his hands.

I was so in shock, that I couldn't react before the redhead had vanished to the hallway. Only then I was able to jump out of the bed, almost crushing Near under me, and run after the dickhead that dared to call me his friend.

"Mello, you're-" Near tried to say something, but I couldn't hear the rest of the sentence, for I was already on the corridor.

Matt was laughing so uncontrollably that it was a miracle that he managed to stay ahead of me. Maybe I wasted my energy for shouting and cursing to him, but I couldn't help it. He had taken a picture of Near and I in the same bed, tightly pressed against each other like a couple. I couldn't let him escape with the photo.

…Except, when I ran past a group of girls that stared at me like I look at a bar of chocolate, I realized that I had no shirt on, and I was running through the hallways only in my black pajama pants. Attention whore or not, the scanning annoyed me a little. And I understood that my game was over when Matt rushed through the exit out of the building. I wasn't wearing any socks, not to mention boots .

I turned around, and made up a whole new list of new curses I repeated in my head as walking by giggling girls or indifferent guys.

When I finally got to my room, I slammed the door shut behind me and said those curses out loud, throwing everything within arm's reach to the ground.

"…I assume you didn't catch him?" Near said as I finally settled down to huff in the desk chair.

"You are pretty fucking right." I growled, not actually being angry at him. Near understood that, since he just stood up and threw me a black t-shirt.

"We are getting late from the lecture. I suppose you want to eat breakfast." he said as calmly as always. I had really hard time to understand how the freaking hell he did it, since he had just been so upset about a horrible dream and got caught in an awkward situation with me. How could he be so damn placid?

"You really don't care, do you?" I said, giving in. It didn't help me to be angry.

"I really don't." he answered. "And you shouldn't either."

"Yeah…" I muttered. "So, do you want to help me to get this polish off?"

We managed to get to the class in time, after scrubbing the paint off my nails, drinking the world's quickest coffee (though Near drank tea) and eating breakfast on the way to the lesson.

It kinda didn't matter, for I was so happy that everything was okay between Near and I again.

.

.

Matt wouldn't delete the picture. He made stupid excuses for not knocking like 'I called you, but you didn't answer, so I had to make sure you were okay', and 'you should have put a sock on the doorknob if you wanted to be left alone…or at least lock the door'.

"We were _not _having sex!" I shouted to him, but he just laughed as people near glanced us.

"I know, you were obviously cuddling after the real act." he sniggered, and few too curious people continued following our conversation.

"We didn't do anything! At all! It was just a misunderstanding." I growled, now attempting to keep my voice low. It felt utterly embarrassing trying to make Matt destroy the freaking photo, or at least stop teasing about it.

"Yeah, right. You shouldn't be so ashamed, Mels, there's nothing wrong with make-up sex."

I groaned in frustration, and Matt continued chuckling.

It wasn't like I cared that much that other people saw it…Near didn't care, and neither did I. But the painful part was that if I had to see the picture again, I'd probably feel the warmth in my stomach again that Near's proximity caused in me…

I admit that it was unusual for friends to just lie on the bed that near to each other and talk…but we weren't normal, right? Near had been in a state that needed physical touch, and I was probably the only one who he would have let close. I was just helping him out.

"Okay, fine, I believe you. But I can't delete the picture, since it's Linda's camera. Ask her." Matt tapped me on the shoulder, and I glared him murderously.

"I hate you." I snarled.

"I love you too, Mels." the redhead just smiled.

.

.

I almost forgot the whole essay-thing the next day, but luckily got a reminder when two guys behind me started to talk about their grades. So I was prepared not to look smug when the teacher would give the essay back.

After the class was over, Near and I stayed behind. The teacher beckoned us again to his desk, and we moved to him pretty nonchalantly, expecting to just get our works back and then leave with excellent markings. But something like a worry rouse inside me when I noted how the teacher had a glimpse of something unnerving in his eyes. He looked at us in completely new way, as if observing some interesting sample.

"Ah, Mello, Near." he greeted, having a weird slimy tone in his voice. We shared a concerned look with Near.

"Hmmm…I have read and marked your texts over again, and now with a little more reasonable judgment. You're welcome." he stated as handing the essays. We both got the perfect grade of course.

"Thank you." we said in chorus.

Little bit cheerier we turned to the door, but didn't have time to move before the teacher had cleared his throat. We looked at him questioningly.

"That is not all….hhmph." the man grunted, as if being displeased with our completely normal behavior. Had he expected us to just stay there after getting our essays? Jeez, that guy was weird.

"Your earlier knowledge got me impressed, I must admit. And for writing these kind of texts, only wide knowing of facts isn't enough. You two are abnormally brilliant for your ages…" he uttered, looking at us searchingly.

"Is this going somewhere? I am perfectly aware of my own abilities." I said impatiently. Thinking that I had to stay there and listen to his praising was annoying when I really had other stuff to do. Near's line of thoughts seemed to go pretty same way, since he had the same thru expression.

"Yes, try to have some patience, Keehl." the teacher furrowed his eyebrows at me. "The matter I wanted to discuss with you is that we had visitors in this school some time ago. They are looking for bright young people to their institution, and informed us teachers to report if we found geniuses like that."

Surprise took over me. An institution for smart kids? And the teacher had informed about us? I had no idea how to think of it.

But next to me, I had felt Near going stiff. It was a weird reaction, but then again, ninety percent of his doings were strange.

"We of course had nothing but student's earlier grades to go on with, but even the stupidest person could get good grades if they had a good memory and tried hard. So we just said that we would notify if someone caught our interest." the teacher explained. "Well, you two absolutely left a fascinating impression. So, I'd like you to do these IQ tests that they sent to me after I told about you two."

Now the teacher handed us new pieces of paper, which we accepted uncertainly.

"Excuse me, but what does this 'institution' have to offer? Is there a reason we would want to get there, and if so, why are they getting people there in this way, and not with applications?" Near asked suddenly.

The man looked a little bewildered, as if confused by the fact that Near might wouldn't want to get in that ah-so-awesome institute he had talked about. "I am not completely sure, but it's said that there are only real geniuses in there. And that's why they don't take applications, they rather pick up people they are interested in, and after they getting the results of the IQ tests, they decide if they want to meet the people in person or not."

"So, what you are saying is that we are going to do an IQ test to a nameless academy that educates geniuses…for what purposes, exactly?" the albino wouldn't let it go, and little hesitation grew inside my mind.

"Oh, the institution has a name, of course. It's called Wammy's house. And I am sure they'll explain more when you have a personal meeting." the teacher explained calmly. "Doing the test won't hurt you."

Near looked still a bit unsure, but obeyed the teacher's call to sit down anyway. So we started to do the inquiry of our intelligence.

I had never needed to use my brains so much that I did while doing it. The problems in the paper were level Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking. I did solve all the examples of course, but it was still unbelievable that that kind of tests even existed. Normal university student wouldn't have a change with it.

After finishing the test exactly three minutes after Near, we left the teacher browsing the papers with a disgusting smile on his face. Immediately after the door shut behind us, I turned to Near.

"I could be completely paranoid, but you seemed a bit displeased back there…what was it?" I asked the albino. He didn't meet my gaze, just frowned a little nervously.

"Have you ever thought about it…." he said in a low tone. "That instead of going to universities for geniuses, we chose to come here?"

"…No, actually." I said, and was a bit surprised by the answer. Why indeed had I chosen a small, average university instead of something with more suitable for my intelligence?

"We could have gone absolutely anywhere. But still somehow, almost unconsciously, we decided to come here with normal people…." he muttered, and the puzzlement in his voice just grew. "…and that's another thing that concerns me…what are the chances for over six geniuses to go to the same school? Even though you and I are the most intelligent ones, we can't deny that our other friends are beyond the average too…way beyond the average."

It seemed like there wasn't a day in my life that something didn't creep the fuck out of me. I had never thought about the things Near spoke at the moment. I had never questioned my choices or the intelligence of my friends…but the thing that got me really jolted was a sudden memory of Beyond before he had ran away.

"_They're coming, they want me to that fucking institute again"_

"_What institute, what the fuck?"_

"_First time they made me go crazy with the stress."_

I stopped. My insides felt like they had been on a blender. _Institute…_Ben had used that exact same word. But it would be ridiculous…what were the chances…?

"Mello? Are you alright?" Near had stopped next to me, and the look in his face was now even more worried.

"I-I'm fine…I just remembered something…" I murmured. "Ugh, it's nothing. Let's just forget the whole thing, okay? I was probably just going where Matt wanted to, since I really don't care about school that much."

Near stared at me for a moment, but finally nodded. "Yeah, I suppose you're right."

We moved to other topics, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I still noted how we both seemed to be a little strained, and the words of Beyond Birthday didn't leave me alone even when going to sleep.

.

.

Obviously someone up there didn't like the idea of me having a good night's sleep once in a while. I woke up again like four in the morning, mumbling curses under my breath as I reached my hand to pick up the phone which had caused the waking by my vibrating loudly against the table.

I didn't even check the number, just slammed the phone to my ear and groaned "Fuck off!"

The voice that answered affected me like an adrenaline shot. "Oh, sorry, maybe next time then."

"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE HANG UP ON ME!" I shout before he had the chance to do it, not giving a fuck if I accidentally woke someone. I felt my pulse quickening.

"I won't." Beyond promised, and I sighed in relief. "Soooo…what's up?"

I…I…what's up….?

"You. You fucking-!" I tried to control my voice, but couldn't help when the volume growing. "You run away, don't explain a fucking thing, promise to call and then DON'T EVEN DO IT UNTIL MONTHS LATER AND THEN YOU ASK 'WHAT'S UP?' _WHAT'S UP? _I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S UP YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH, THE RISK OF YOU DYING BY GETTING CHOKED ON YOUR PHONE WHEN I FIND YOU AND STUFF IT DOWN YOUR THROAT!"

My blood was boiling, hands shaking and I had to grit my teeth to not start yelling again. The guy was silent on the other end.

"….I miss you too, Mello." Ben finally spoke quietly. The sadness behind his voice was something that made my rage disappear in seconds. Suddenly I was only tired. He had finally called, and he had to explain me some stuff.

"Fine, okay, whatever." I sighed. "Where are you?"

"Um, in a hotel room." he just said. Nothing more. God, I really wanted to strangle that guy.

"A-ha, and where the hell might that hotel room be?" I kept inquiring.

"Inside a hotel." he replied.

Beyond had reached a whole new level of being an asshole, and I think he won even Matt in that game.

"Right, so you aren't going to tell me where you are? Fine. Then tell me why the hell you even left? Don't you know how worried we have been? And why haven't you called like you said you would? You just…ugh, goddamnit I hate you."

"Oh. I thought I explained that already. I left because they wanted me back to the institute. And actually I trusted that you wouldn't be worried since it is _me_ who we are talking. I am sorry for not calling you earlier, I exchanged the battery of my phone for strawberry jam when I momentarily grew out of money and since then I have been a bit busy." he explained, and I started to get pissed off again. And scared. The institute he talked about…

"What institute? And what the hell do you mean, 'a bit busy'?" I kept demanding answers.

"…It's none of your concern, don't worry. They won't find me. And by that I meant I had to, you know, survive alive and stuff."

"Is the name of that institution 'Wammy's house'?" I asked in frustration.

Ben got silent. I have no idea what went through his head, but soon he started talking again.

"They found you, didn't they?" his tone changed to fearful. "Are you with them right now? Are you tracking this call?"

"What? Hell no, you idiot! Our teacher just told about that Wammy's house- shit and I don't even know what it is. He got us doing IQ tests, nothing more. What's wrong with that institute? Why are you so afraid of it?" I was frustrated as hell, but also confused.

And those feelings didn't ease as I heard Beyond swearing. "I told you not to do the test! I told you! It was a simple command, an idiot would manage to obey it!"

Now I remembered…he had told us not to do 'the test', warned about the institute and then ran away. Why hadn't I recalled that?

"I…we…I didn't….what the hell? Why are you making me nervous like this? What's so freaking bad in that organization?" I tried to make myself believe that I hadn't done anything wrong, but didn't quite manage.

"It's already too late…they'll surely tell you what's the institution all about when you meet them. Just…don't say yes. Don't go with them. And don't let Near go either. They were bad back then, but now that whole thing is just sickening me." he talked with so much worry for us that I couldn't help but agree to him.

"Fine. But I still don't understand why you had to run away from them…"

"They wouldn't take 'no' as an answer. I hope that you have better luck with that. I didn't want to go there again….and I want to find A. I suppose he's in some kind of music-oriented school since he was so good at playing piano…he always spoke about musical stuff, but I was more into math…"

"Wait, didn't you say that this 'A' killed himself?" I got a bit sidetracked, but I was so confused and the whole conversation was garbled, so…

His voice turned even sadder. "Yeah, he…he was a bit too tender, and the way they pushed him... it was stressing, being there. I hope you don't ever have to remember that."

Cold shivers ran through my spine. There was so much creepiness in only two sentences that I couldn't bear it.

"...You are tracing a dead guy? And what do you mean by that remembering-thing?"

"Oh, it seems like my time's up! Got to go, Mello, but I'll call you back again, okay?" he said suddenly, and I heard steps behind him.

"Wait, what?"

"Um, I forgot to mention that this isn't in fact my room. This is some guy's room whose phone I'm currently borrowing. Without a permission."

"WHAT? You stupid son of a-" I couldn't finish my sentence before I heard 'toot, toot, toot'.

Ben had hanged up.

And I was sitting there on my bed with so much confusion and creepiness that I couldn't move for about half an hour.

.

.

A/N: Don't worry guys, everything will be explained….eventually *insert evil laugh here*


	15. Evading

"So…he just…? Wow. What a bitch." Matt verbalized the thoughts that ran through all of our heads. It was a break after first lesson, and we were gathered to a remote corner in the lounge. I had just told everyone about Beyond's call…with leaving out some stuff they didn't need to know and I didn't want to talk about. Meaning basically ninety percent of everything the guy had talked to me.

I didn't tell them about the creepy stuff about tracing a dead guy whose name was a vowel, or anything about the institution. I wasn't even sure myself how to react to his information, or what to think about the 'Wammy's house'…but after speaking with Beyond, and with Near's hesitating attitude, I was sure that I wouldn't go with them. Maybe my reasons for going to an average university were meaningless, but the feeling of staying away from institutes for highbrows was somehow strong. It was a possibility that I had just unconsciously avoided the stress that those kind of schools could cause, but I couldn't help thinking that maybe it had something more behind it…

Strong need for talking about it with Near hadn't vanished after going to his room that morning and finding out that he had already left to his lecture. I hadn't seen him at all that day, and I was pretty annoyed because of that. He was just so helpful when thinking matters like that. His mind worked so brilliantly that it would have definitely helped me to speak with him…and since he was the only one I could tell _all _that Beyond had said, the irritation for his absence was even bigger.

Fine, maybe I wanted to see him for some other reasons too. But that would be inappropriate thing to think, so I avoided admitting it to myself.

"Yeah, I still can't believe it. No explanation for leaving, just talking about exchanging a battery to a jar of jam." I sighed. _Lies, lies, lies. _I was truly becoming a pathological liar.

"Well…at least we know he's okay." Chris tried to be positive, but we were all so frustrated with the runaway that we just groaned.

No one had actually anything to say about it. Yeah, Beyond had called. But I had gave so little away of the discussion that it seemed like we were in the starting point again. We knew that the guy was alive, hooray! The rest, again…I knew that he wanted to hide from the creepy institution-guys, and that he was now tracing his more or less dead friend. Everything in those sentences made my head hurt.

"Hey, have you guys seen Near anywhere?" I asked after several minutes of depressed silence.

My always-so-helpful pals just shrugged or shook their heads, and I sighed again. Where the heck was he? Well, it wasn't like he _had _to spend all of his time with me, but…I wanted him to spend all of his time with me, so where the hell was he?

I dug the phone out of my pocket and send him a text message.

**To: Near**

**Where are you? We need to talk.**

**From: Near**

**About what? **

I don't know why the answer felt so weird…was it the fact that Near never asked what I wanted to talk, just immediately agreed to see somewhere? But the reply wasn't unusual for other people, so…

**To: Near**

**Ben called last night. I've already told about it to others and now u r the only one left**

It took a moment before he answered.

**From: Near**

**My next lecture is with Elliot, so I'm sure he will tell me everything needed.**

I looked at the phone, little bit offended. Didn't he want to see me, or…? No, he was probably just busy with something. Going on would have been pointless, so I just left it there. I could talk with him about the weird institute later…or did I even have to mention it? Yeah, eventually I had to, for I had to have an explanation when asking him not to go with the Wammy's guys. But I didn't want Near to think I was annoying, so I just put the phone back to my pocket and swallowed my chagrin.

.

.

If I had to pick up one word that described my feelings when I still hadn't seen Near after the school day, I couldn't pick up just one because finding just one word to 'Fucking pissed and repressed, and annoyed of being annoyed by it' was actually really hard to come up with. I had searched for him around the campus, and after not seeing a sight of him I assumed that he had left to the city or something, though that wasn't quite like him.

I tried to act like not seeing him in half-day wasn't that big of a deal, but Jamie noted how restless I was while we studied in the library. I glanced at my phone, hoping to get a SMS from him so I wouldn't have to be the first one to text. My pride wouldn't allow me to do it again, so I just skimmed the phone regularly, tapped my fingers to the table and made Jamie crazy with all of that.

"Goddamnit, Mello, just text him already!" the guy said after thirty minutes of patience.

"W-what? What do you mean?" I tried to act innocent, turning my gaze from the phone to his face, which had a perfect are-you-fucking-kidding-me-expression.

"Near. Text him. Ask him to do something with you. Stop annoying me." he just stated, and I think I grew a little red. Just a little.

"I wasn't-" I was starting to argue, but he furrowed his eyebrows in a way that made me give up right away. "Fine, if you insist."

He muttered something about two idiots and continued making notes to his project of something uninteresting as I pulled the phone out of my pocket. It was hard to decide what to send to the albino, but I guess it didn't really matter that much. It was Near, after all, and he didn't care what was socially weird and what wasn't.

**To: Near**

**Want to go to Matt's room to play some Assassin's creed?**

I send the message, and nervously waited for the reply. It took far longer for him to answer than usually.

**From: Near**

**I'll pass this time, thank you for asking.**

…What? Near had never refused my calls of spending time together. I couldn't help but feel a little offended, even though it was absolutely ridiculous to feel so. Maybe he just didn't feel like gaming.

**To: Near**

**Okay…so where have u been all day?**

His answering was gallingly slow.

**From: Near**

**You mean after lectures? In the library. **

I glanced around, and there was no sight of a white hair or gray eyes.

**To: Near**

**I'm in the library, and oddly enough there's no one else here other than Jamie and I.**

**From: Near**

**As a human, I have the ability to move my position. And at the moment I am not there. **

Wow, really? Thanks for the facts, I already feel smarter.

**To: Near**

**Right, okay.**

I send the message in lots of worse mood than I was before. Near didn't reply, although there wasn't really anything to answer.

Having absolutely no idea what else to do, I broke a piece of a chocolate bar and stuffed it in my mouth, turning back to the book I had tried to read before.

.

.

My problems were even deeper than I had imagined, when the next day I noted my own anxiety after not seeing Near in a day and half.

It was a weekend, no lectures and plenty of spare time to spent having fun or alternatively doing absolutely nothing. Matt was in a good mood, Linda was in a good mood, everybody was in a good mood. Those fucking douchebags, how dared they do that when I was having some damn hard time trying to act as usually and not seeming like I had problems with my neck for turning to the door whenever I heard steps passing Matt's room? I expected Near to pop up any minute, but unfortunately he didn't. I had already searched for him everywhere, except from his room. I couldn't let myself sink that low, when the reason for wanting to see him was that I couldn't live a day normally without it. My simple crush had obviously turned into a manic obsession, so I had to make some boundaries for myself immediately.

Fortunately Matt didn't notice my stupid behavior, being so focused on his new GTA game.

His gaze was fully on the TV screen as I went through the ridiculous feelings of yearning for Near. Whe had he even became so important to me? One day we were strangers and he stared at me in the lectures, and the other day we were so close that I couldn't go a damn day without seeing his stupid, pale, adorable face.

The worst part was that I knew I was mentally torturing myself, since thinking about him didn't exactly help the situation at all. It was just so challenging not to let my thoughts escape from Near's absence to the not-so-friendship-material-daydreams about him. It was a double-edged sword; if I wanted to stop being anxious for not seeing him in like twenty-four hours, then my mind wandered without permission to images of kissing Near's perfectly sculptured jawline and going down until-

Yeah, that was the point where I had to mentally ninja kick myself to shift the thoughts back to being fidgety about Near not being by my side and talking smart stuff with me.

Of course Matt noticed there was something wrong with me eventually. You can't spend most of your life with someone and expect him to be totally unaware of your emotional struggles. Me accidentally hitting his shoulder with my elbow when turning to the door again might had also something to do with Matt's sudden discover of my state.

"I can't take this anymore, Mello. I know what's up with you but since you obviously don't want to talk about it, I suggest that you go and get us some coffee or something." he clarified his view by pushing me out of the couch with his leg. Thank goodness I had fast reflects, so I didn't end up falling on my ass to the floor.

"Ugh, you just want me to get away from distracting your game." I groaned, although moving to the door the same time. I really needed something to do other than glancing the door from the sofa every other second. Picking us some coffee didn't sound so bad.

"Whatever you say, Mels." he sighed, still not turning his look from the game.

.

Thinking afterwards, I don't know if it was good or bad thing that on a whim I decided to go and borrow one book from library on a way. I really didn't want to go back to Matt just yet, so hopping there would give more time to try and calm my thoughts. Hoping that maybe more walking would clear some certain people out of my mind, I turned to the other way around.

Would it be exaggerating if I said that my heart flip-flopped when after walking from the other side of the school to the library, I saw a familiar albino in one of the empty corners with Linda? The girl was talking with him about something, Near nodding to him kinda standoffishly while holding a thick book in his petite hands loosely. He had been obviously interrupted while reading, but Linda didn't seem to notice his disinterest in her words.

But when I moved closer to them, I noted that there was something odd in Near. I couldn't tell what it was, but it a little twinge of nervousness rouse inside me. He looked exactly like every other day in his white blouse and light gray jean, so what was the thing that got me so uncertain? It was like his whole being was completely same and yet totally different than before. The way he seemed as indifferent as always, but now his indifference had turned somehow colder…was I just imagining?

They didn't notice me until I was few meters away. And I was sure that something had changed in Near as our eyes met.

Some seconds seemed to last longer than others, and these ones lasted eternity. Something was terribly wrong in his eyes. Or maybe it wasn't the eyes, but the things behind them. The look…I saw raw grief where there should have been delight for seeing me. There was something missing. Innocence he once had possessed had vanished, being replaced with strange emptiness that welled deep from his being.

How was I able to distinguish matters like that from a boy I had known only for few months? Humans hardly understood themselves, so was it possible to know a person so well that you immediately notice every little changed detail? I didn't know.

Somehow I managed to notice those things in the moment our eyes met. Then he sifted his gaze, and suddenly I had a reason to start suspecting myself for being paranoid. Near blinked his eyes, tilted his head, and made a half-smile that made me feel warm inside, and the stranger inside him had disappeared. The albino looked exactly like himself. Linda smiled too and said hi, but I was so astonished that I couldn't answer at first. I couldn't be sure…had I imagined the weirdness in Near? No, I couldn't have, the emotions in him were just too visible. But what kind of human could pull up an act like that in milliseconds to cover their true feelings, and what for would the do that? Then again…if someone was able to hide their emotions in a blink of an eye, it would be him.

"Hi, Linda." I managed to sound as carefree as usually, but I didn't shift my gaze from Near for a moment. "Hi to you too, Near. Haven't seen you in a while."

Was he a bit undemonstrative, or was I really just that paranoid?

"You picked quite a bad moment, for I was just going to leave." he stated, starting to pack the books he had borrowed to his backpack.

Linda raised her eyebrows. "Oh, you were?"

Near still kept his calm scenery on as answering. "I was."

Someway I just knew it was an act, and I was starting to feel a bit offended. Was he leaving for me? Linda sounded surprised, so it was obvious that he hadn't talked about leaving before seeing me…was he mad at me, then? But for what, then?

"See you later, Mello." he turned to me, and my question of him being angry was crushed. Near would tell me if I had wronged him, and the comment was pretty normal for him.

Maybe I was just analyzing him too much.

"Yeah, see you…" I muttered, pretty abashed as he passed me. We were quiet for a moment with Linda, both looking perplexed by the guy's behavior. It just occurred me that I hadn't even asked the reason for his rush. Our conversation had been unbelievably compendious.

Linda frowned a little as she set her doe eyes at me. "Did he seem a little weird to you too?"

I shrugged. "A little bit, yeah. But it's not unusual for Near to act odd sometimes."

The girl just nodded thoughtfully. I settled down to the place where Near had been sitting, and pouted my lips. Why was everything always so damn weird in my life?

"Yeah, I suppose…but hey, I am glad that you came here. I needed to talk with you anyway." she said, voice lowering a little. It revealed immediately the topic.

With a suppressed sigh I asked "What is it?"

"I…um, think I need your help." she uttered, the frown deepening.

"Oh. What for?" I continued the ignorant line.

She had a hard time trying to find words that I already knew were coming. Still, it took at least half a minute before she continued.

"It's about Matt." Linda gagged out, and I wanted to hack my head on the wall.

"Right. So you want me to help you two to get together?" I asked, deciding to hasten the situation.

Linda blushed full red, but managed to keep herself together pretty well.

"Y-yeah, actually. I mean…do you know exactly what he thinks of me? Like, does he like me as a friend or what?" she didn't meet my gaze, and I wondered if she was ashamed or something. I had always wondered why would someone be embarrassed for their feelings, since when they even had a high chances to no get rejected. I had never been ashamed of my feelings for Near, just…worried for fucking everything up. And I think my case was a bit different, since I had like three percent possibility to get into his pants.

"Hold it, pal. I am not getting dragged into that. I can help you to get his attention or something, but I am definitely not going to speculate with you if he loves you or not." _He loves you, idiot._

The brunette just sighed. "I understand. I wouldn't want to get messed in your and Ne-" she cut the sentence quickly, but I had caught the point.

"Ugh, not you too?" I groaned. "Fucking Matt. I think he's not healthy company for you."

Linda smirked a little, the blush slowly vanishing from her cheeks. "Don't be too hard on him. And it's not like you're making it any less easy for him to tease you with all those 'sleepovers' you and Near have…"

I scowled at her. "Do you want me to help you or not?"

"Help, please." she turned back to serious.

"Then shut up about that." I shook my head, trying to think. "Um, so, what do you want to do? Do you want to know if he likes you and then make your move or what? Would you like to seduce him? Or do you want him to make the first move?"

Linda was quiet again for a moment, before sifting her look on me. "I…think it would be easier if he'd do the first move. I'm not really that type who has the guts."

I nodded, then thought a little about the situation myself. What would make Matt make the first move? I knew him so well, that it wasn't even hard to come up with the conclusion.

"Yeah, okay, I know what you have to do." I smiled at her evilly. "Go and flirt with some guy in front of Matt. If he likes you, he will become jealous and then probably figures out some clever scheme he will use to get you. But don't take it too far, because in case that he likes you he will get upset if you kiss the other guy."

Linda pouted her lips thoughtfully. "And if he doesn't like me that way, he's just his usual self? Right. So what kind of plan will he come up with?"

"You don't have to worry about that too much, Matt's a genius when it comes to making up plans for enticing people-" Something clicked inside my head as sudden memories formed up in my head.

Matt was a genius when making up plans to seduce people?

A little hazy recollection of a day when we had went to that stupid movie with Matt and Chris…I remembered how Near and Matt had talked about something really secretively in the morning, and stopped immediately when I was within hearing distance.

And after going to the movie, I had somehow ended up in a damn hot room where even hotter Near was playing with dominos in only boxers and his blouse made of thinnest fabric imaginable. He had bent in that delicious way to his bag and I had had a perfect view of his rear and he had eaten pretty suspiciously a dick-shaped fruit right in front of me.

It was way too good to be just a coincidence. The more I thought of it, the more obvious it came… but I couldn't believe it. It was Near, after all. Near, who never looked anyone in _that _way. Near, who had never done anything sexual with anyone. Near, who was probably the most aromantic person in the world…how could he have gone to Matt and ask him to help with something like that?

Supposing that it _would _have been true, I would have to come in the conclusion that the albino wanted me. Did he like me or did he just lust after me?

My pulse was accelerating, but I had to calm myself. I couldn't give myself a false hope before knowing the suspicions to be truth. But now that I had captured the thought in my head, I couldn't get rid of it. I had to make sure that every hope was false, and only after that I could continue hiding my true feelings from him…

"Mello?" Linda dragged me back to the earth, but I was already moving to the door.

"Just do what I said, Linda. Sorry, I really need to go, I just remembered something." I called over my shoulder before vanishing from the whole library, leaving astonished Linda there watching after me.

.

.

"Wow, you came quicker than I expected. Did you run or something?" Matt said without turning to the door, still playing the same damn game he had played before I had left. I had forgotten the coffees, but I really didn't care at the moment.

I jumped to sit next to him. "Does Near like me?" I asked in serious tone, staring the redhead.

"No, he actually hates you and spends time with us only to get closer to me. He's in love with me. We're going to marry next summer and have two kids, other with white hair and green eyes and the other-"

"Shut up, Matt. I am serious." I growled, getting angry. The possibility…it was just too good to be true. And the guy's behavior earlier today…it wasn't like he really craved my company like I did his.

"What, you're seriously asking me if he likes you? Duh, why do you think he's your friend?" Matt rolled his eyes at me, or more like to the screen where he was speeding through some city with ridiculously luxurious car.

"No, Matt. I mean…ugh. Did you help him trying to seduce me?" I asked in frustration.

For a second I thought that he tensed, but it was just him putting the controller away and turning to me.

"Seduce?" his voice was curious, and the smirk in his face was just as mischievous as always. "Oooh, what did he do, Mello?"

"I- we- ugh! Nothing!" I was trying to explain it to him, but I knew it was no use.

I groaned, burying my face to my hands. "You wouldn't tell me if you did help. Fuck you and your trustworthiness."

"What has happened, Mels? What do you mean by Near seducing you?" Matt asked grinning, but I couldn't open my mouth to answer. Every other day in my life was messed up shit, and this was definitely one of them.

"Just…leave it." I muttered, deciding to give up. I wasn't in the mood for arguing, and if it occurred that my suspicions were wrong, I wouldn't be able to explain what had made me think that way in the first place.

I stood up from the sofa, but Matt grabbed my hand. I turned to look at him, and suddenly his expression had turned from impish to serious and worried.

"Mello…if you have problems with Near, just talk with him. I'm sure he'll understand."

For a moment there was some kind of understanding between us, and then I just nodded. He let me leave the room without disturbing anymore. I went to my room to get some sense out of my thoughts.

.

.

I had pondered my own emotionality and feelings so many times while lying in my bed and staring at the ceiling, that it surprised me every damn time when it seemed to help a little. When the afternoon tuned to evening, I had my previously garbled feelings in some order.

Being still confused about Near's weird acting earlier, it was quite an achievement to get sense out of my mixed mind, but at least after several hours of going through my thoughts, I knew what I needed to do.

I wanted Near, I wanted him so bad in every way possible. And I wanted to believe that little hopeful voice inside me that helpfully screamed '_His into you, you loser'. _But there was of course the other voice in the other side of my mind telling me '_Wish what you want, the guy's obviously asexual and aromantic and would probably be disgusted if you ever touched him intimately'._

There were of course still millions of risks if I wanted to act, but now I had that little hope that maybe he would react the way I wanted, I had the courage to do what was needed. I just wanted to find it out in some sneaky way, and for that I needed to talk with him.

I picked up my phone and started to type a message with slightly shaking hands.

**To: Near**

**Hey, could we see sumwhere? I need 2 talk with you.**

Patiently I started to wait for the answer. If I had had a clock in my room, I would probably had heard it ticking loudly as minutes passed by, but unfortunately I had only my phone's clock which showed me no messages still after forty minutes.

**To: Near**

**It's important.**

I added, then waited another forty minutes. I was starting to get really displeased. Near always answered the messages I sent him, quickly and plainly. He had never left one single text without an answer, and that revealed me that he didn't reply on purpose.

But why wasn't he answering, then? Was he mad? What the hell had I done?

I sent him still another message, deciding that if he didn't answer it, I would give up.

**To: Near**

**?**

I didn't know anything else to write, so I just send that and waited the reply, not so patiently anymore. My chest was hurting for being ignored like that, but I still managed to not throw the phone to the wall in frustration.

The evening turned to night, when I finally had enough. The clock was over eleven, and it had been three hours when I sent the first message.

Instead of giving up and going to bed, I decided to take a visit to Near's room. I needed an explanation, and I was going to squeeze it out of him.

.

.

A/N: _now _it's getting intense, if you know what I mean…..

Is it a spoiler if I make a winky faces to intensify the meaning of previous words?

NAAAH

;););););););););)


	16. Moonlight

I had never been in Near's room before. Well, of course I had been on the doorway and had seen it whenever going to pick the guy, but for some reason I had never been inside it. We always spent time in Matt's or my room, if we weren't in the lounge or downtown. I realized it only when knocking his door with mixed feelings of irritation and confusion.

It was mostly annoyance after I heard no steps coming to the door. If he wanted to play that game, then fine. I wasn't carrying a picklock in the lining of my boots for nothing.

Making no sound, I sneaked to his room by the door gap, and slowly closed it behind me.

The room was distinguishable even in the middle of the night, for the moonlight shimmered through the white drapes that were pulled over the window, brightening the whole space. Was it just the lightness of the room that made it seem bigger than mine? My eyes got stuck scanning all the stuff he had in perfect order on his shelves or desk. Puzzles, different games, toy robots…all the stuff he needed for keeping his head clear. There was a huge card castle on the floor next to the desk, and somehow it still hadn't fallen.

When I got my eyes off the unimportant stuff, I turned to Near's bed. White sheets, obviously, and white blanket. How frustrating that he had a bigger bed than I did, even though our size difference was significant. Fine, maybe it wasn't _that _significant, but Near was definitely more petite than I was. He looked like a porcelain doll while resting on the bed, eyes closed and face eased.

I felt almost mercy when I walked to him and started to wake him up. Almost.

I shook his hand, whispering "Near!", but he didn't wake up. The face was just as calm as seconds before, but my patience had grown short. I knew that Near wasn't easily awakening sort, and unfortunately I had experience with the matter. Matt had been a real challenge to get out of the bed at one time, so without thinking I just sat astride to his lap and took his shoulders on my hands, trying to shake him strongly without hurting him.

"Near! Wake up, you twat!" I muttered to him, and it didn't take long before he slowly opened his eyes.

I let go of him and leaned a little further as his sleepy gaze tried to settle on the target. The gray eyes looked silvery and hazy as his mind tried to catch up the situation. There was a stupid warm flush inside me as I noted how cute he looked like that, a little bewildered and dozy. Finally his eyes caught mine, and he frowned.

"Mello?" his voice sounded unclear, as if he was still partly asleep. "…is this a dream?"

"No." I answered, frowning back at him. The reason for my interference of his sleeping came back to my mind with annoyance.

He looked a little more confused, as blinking his eyes to shake the sleepiness away. "Then why are you on top of me?"

Puzzling question, actually, but I didn't stop to think about it. I scowled as watching his face growing more and more wakeful, the tired look vanishing from his pale face with every blink.

"Why didn't you answer my texts?" I asked accusatorily, not caring to answer his question first.

The rest of his weariness disappeared immediately, and he seemed to finally get fully aware of the picture. Unlike usually, it took a little bit too long for him to put on the emotionless mask he wore when having to deal with things he didn't want to.

"You send me messages? My phone's battery is dead." he stated quietly, making an honest look in his eyes. I almost believed him for a moment, but since the phone was on the bedside table, I thought it wouldn't hurt to check out if he lied.

Well, I was wrong. It did hurt when I leaned over Near, who had no time to apprehend what I did, and grabbed the phone just to see that he had lied. The mobile worked absolutely fine.

His gray eyes were widened as I tossed the phone back to the table where it settled with a silent thump, and narrowed my own eyes at him.

"Didn't seem too dead to me." I snarled.

The boy was obviously uncomfortable, not meeting my gaze anymore. I felt my insides freezing as I realized that he really _had _left the answering on purpose. The thought made me sick to my stomach and the swirl of emotions I had tried to control weighted my heart. Why was he mad at me? Why was he acting like that?

"What's the matter? Why the hell have you been shunning me?" I asked, voice growing with frustration. I was so damn offended that he would just not text me back on purpose after two days of hardly seeing each other.

He met my eyes again, and I saw a flash of that earlier grief in there…it was so pained look. Then it was gone, and he just shook his head.

"I haven't been shunning you. I've just been quite busy." he said as calmly as always, but my head was throbbing with the word '_lies'. _Didn't he know how obvious he was, despite all the expressionlessness?

"Cut the crap, Near. Why do you have to lie to me?" I snapped, now getting actually angry.

The albino under me didn't answer, just stared at me wide-eyed. My blood was starting to boil.

"Is that your new technic? If you can't tell lies, then you're just going to keep your mouth shut?" I leaned closer, my legs pressing tighter to his lower body, and it made him wince. I didn't know if it was fear or something else, but I didn't really care.

"Get off me, Mello." he breathed weakly.

"_Why are you mad at me?" _I cried out, making the albino widen his eyes even more. "What the hell have I done?"

"No, Mello, just get off me." he was starting to get up and push me away, but a rush of adrenaline made me press him back down by his twiggy shoulders. My hands weighed him to the mattress, making the attempt of kicking me out of the bed impossible.

"Talk to me! I can't fucking fix the things I have done wrong if you won't tell me what they are!" I said through gritted teeth, almost losing my patience wholly.

"I am not mad at you!" he said, glancing around as if trying to find a way to escape.

"Then why have you been fudging on me?" I asked, leaning myself over him in a threatening way. He winced again, but I have no idea if it was for my words or the movement.

He stared at me with the other, sad Near behind his eyes, and I looked back at him, trying to understand. The silence between us was oppressive, because the voice I had used when asking the question had been demanding. I needed to know how to make things right. But something in his eyes was just about to break my heart, and I had no idea what it was, or how to make it right.

"I can't tell you." he finally said, voice barely hearable. "Please, get off me, Mello."

I groaned in frustration, sifting myself again away from him just so I wouldn't grip his shoulders too tightly and hurt him. Yeah, still when I was on the edge of explosion, all I cared about was Near's damn wellbeing. But the irritation vanished as I noted something.

His pupils were wider than usually, and there was something gleaming in his eyes other than the sorrow. A light blush was starting to grow on his cheeks as he avoided my gaze almost panicky, starting to breathe a little more rapidly.

And suddenly I came very aware of the fact that I sat on his crotch, pushing him to the sheets in a quite suspicious way. I hadn't understood it until now…Near had asked me to move like three times. And his expression was turning more frantic every second.

"Can't we continue this conversation in the morning? I really want to sleep." he said a little too quickly, and then jolted when I grabbed his hand and checked the pulse while he turned his now alarmed look on me.

His heart was throbbing at speed, and suddenly I felt my heart rate redoubling too. Could it be…?

"You do?" I asked hoarsely, feeling the heat inside me growing. The indignation that had swelled inside me was disappearing, making room for something completely different.

Why was it so hard to believe my own eyes, or the voice of reason that shouted to me in my head. It would have been obvious, so damn obvious, if it had been anyone else but Near. The flustered face, glossy eyes and the quickening of his respiration. Wasn't it pure human biology?

But they weren't enough for me. I needed to be hundred percent sure before acting, and I had to sort things out before doing something on impulse.

"Near…what was the problem with my radiator back then?" the question sounded louder than it should have in the peaceful nighttime.

The gray eyes couldn't meet my blue ones. He seemed to be horrified, and the look of guilt on his face spoke for itself. "W-why do you ask?"

I swallowed hard. The atmosphere had changed all at once. Thank goodness my voice sounded stable when I slowly answered. "I talked with Matt."

It wasn't a proper response, but it wasn't a lie either. I had phrased it in a way that left millions of meanings behind the words. They could have meant anything…or nothing. It was a psychological question, and I only had to see the reaction Near would give me.

In the shadow-filled room I still saw the red colour darkening in his cheeks, nearly breaking the mask he so vigorously tried to keep protecting the sentiments inside.

He was Near. Of course he didn't give me a reaction with his own will.

"About what, exactly?" everything in his voice was controlled. It probably took everything in him to manage to keep the poker face up, even though I had my piercing gaze on him.

"You." I only said, leaning even closer than before. His breath twitched as my hips moved a little with the motion.

"W-what did he say?" he still hadn't given up.

For how long exactly had I wanted to get on top of him like this? It had been for too damn long. Was it possible for this kind of thing happen to me? What were the chances that I could have a response for my feelings?

"What do you think he said?" the question floated in the air between us, making the room quieter than ever before.

For a moment I couldn't hear anything else than the faint sound of his breathing and the final tries of him trying to hold the situation.

And then, finally, he met my eyes. The big black pupils, silvery iris and the look made of glass behind them. He was about to break, because I had made a crack.

"…I'm sorry." he said, voice quivering.

I don't know what I felt at the moment. My heart was pounding hard on my chest, full of emotions I never knew a human could feel without being wrecked completely.

"Don't you dare to be." I whispered, closing the space between our bodies before he had the time to even realize it.

When our lips met, I was pretty sure my heart stopped. I had been overwhelmed with the sentiments before, but now I could only feel the strange kind of happiness and dizziness that pale mouth made me feel. At first it was just a soft touch, a bare brush of skin contact. The boy under me was stiffened, and I didn't know if it was a shock, fear or surprise. I didn't actually care.

Because the next moment, he had pulled me closer, deepened the kiss and made my brains blurry with ecstasy.

If I had to describe the word 'heaven', it would have been easy after kissing Near. His scent filled my senses, his taste got me lose my mind in a way that I didn't even care to have it back. He let out a soft moan against my mouth, and slid his hands to my hair and neck, not giving me a chance to pull away. It was unnecessary, because I wouldn't have let go even if the room around us had caught fire. It was perfect.

But eventually we I had to break the kiss, for we both had to get air to our lungs. We gasped as our mouths parted, and I saw the look in his eyes as I rested my forehead to his. I couldn't believe it, even though it had just happened. His chest was rising rapidly against mine, and I felt his heart beat to be just as frantic as mine.

"Mello…" he breathed, and I wasn't sure if he was about to speak more or if he just wanted to say my name.

"Shh…." I whispered to his lips, pressing a soft kiss in them before continuing. "Don't talk."

Again I settled my lips against his, this time stronger and more demanding. I had lost my control completely, and everything rational was secondary. All I needed was to feel more of Near, to get him closer and keep up the feeling of euphoria. My tongue touched his lips tentatively, and immediately he opened his mouth, encouraging me continue without a hesitation. His mouth was wet and hot and a bit sweet, for he had probably eaten a fruit before. We had to come up for a breath for couple of times as we continued to taste each other.

I had dreamt of it so many times, but it felt so much different when it was real. The way Near responded to my movements with intensity, not considering his every motion like usually was the thing that got me so damn passionate. Not only I had lost my own control, I had managed to drag his with mine. The warmth of his body and the flavor of his skin got me act even more impulsively.

My hands wandered on his petite body, going from stroking the silky hair to fondling the curve of his hips, yet not quite going wholly down there. He let out a breathy moan as I shifted my lips lower on his face. Placing kisses to his adorable jawline, I felt his hands on my back, holding me close.

For a moment a little sober thought broke the layer of haze that covered my mind. What was I doing? I had been trying to not mess things up between us…what if Near was just controlled by his hormones, not by emotions? What if I had understood wrong, and he wasn't in love with me?

"Mnnh…Mello…." he groaned, making the rest of my sanity vanish in just seconds. At the moment, I didn't care even if he was just using me. I needed him.

Moving my lips from the jaw to his neck, I started to suck and nibble. I wanted to taste more of him and get the aroma of him to stay forever in my head. The acts made the boy under me squirm in pleasure and tighten his grip on me. Slim legs wrapped around my torso, and his hips pressed hard on mine. My mouth left a warm trail on his throat that cooled immediately after I shifted.

The kisses became more and more fervent as I unbuttoned his shirt and moved my lips to his collarbones, but at that point Near tensed.

"Mello, stop." he said, voice throaty. I didn't want to stop. Why was he asking me to stop?

"Why?" I breathed to his bare chest, mind still completely loose.

"You…ah….you will regret it…mhnn…later…" he tried to make the sentence while my lips were still moving on his upper body. Even though my heart was throbbing, my breathing uneven and my head completely blurry, I managed to lift my gaze to meet his.

"Why would I regret this?" I asked, scanning his flushed face.

"Because…you hate me…" he said weakly, and I saw the same sorrowful look behind his eyes again. Shaking my head, I cupped his face to my hands and kissed him gently.

"Don't be stupid. I love you." I breathed as pulling back. I didn't have any idea where he could have caught the thought of me hating him. I didn't stay to think about it.

The image of his blushed cheeks, messy white hair and eyes that gleamed with need made me forgot everything. He looked absolutely gorgeous like that, under me and on his back. And when he replied, I think my heart was marked for good.

"…I love you too."

It had been done. We had confessed, and there was no way back. But it was okay, it was fine, it was _perfect, _for I didn't want a way back. He loved me, and that was all that mattered to me.

But before continuing, I had to make sure he was okay with it. I knew he wanted it just as badly as I did, but even if I was dazed by his lips, I still wasn't going to do anything without his permission. It wasn't the first time I hoped that his self-control was weaker than it seemed to be.

"Near, if you want me to stop, say it now." I said quietly.

He was silent for three heartbeats. His eyes were half-closed and lips parted, and my brains couldn't function how in the earth could someone look so cute and hot at the same time. The possibility of him not wanting to continue made my heart ache, but fortunately…

"Don't. Don't stop." he said, voice filled with sheer want.

That was all I needed to hear. I turned my attention back to the smooth skin of his chest, as I continued unbuttoning the white pajama. He gasped as my groin brushed his, and I felt the hardening under the fabric of his pants. I forgot everything we had talked a second before, everything that we had ever talked. I felt his heart beating loud as my tongue found the stiffened nipples, and as I started to lick them, the pulse got covered by the sound of Near's groans. That was a sound I could have listened forever.

He was dragging the black shirt over my shoulders, and I had to stop for a second to throw it to some distant corner. After that I moved back to his nipples, but couldn't stay there for too long. The burning sensation inside me was too strong, and as I licked my way to his hips I couldn't help but make needy sounds too. Soon I ran my lips on his hip bones, pulling his pants down and exposing the vulnerable parts.

I slid his bottoms wholly off and threw them to the same corner with my shirt. Now Near was completely naked in front of me, leaning on his elbows with such an expression that I couldn't help but give him a kiss. The blush in his face spread, but I had my attention back to his lower parts already.

Even though I was almost painfully hard myself, and his problem didn't seem any less troublesome, I wanted to hear the partly pleased and partly frustrated sounds Near let out a little bit longer.

Instead of just touching him and going on with the thing, I started licking his inner tights, making him tremble immediately. His skin felt good against mine, and the little moans he started to make paid back waiting. I was taunting him with my tongue, moving it close to his erection but still not yet touching it. My own boner was burning and my head still felt giddy, but the noises he made…

His patience however ended as I shifted my mouth close to his hardening, and parted my lips. Instead of taking it in, I just breathed to it, and took a great pleasure of the disappointed groan Near made as his erection twitched.

"Stop…teasing me…." he said, gripping my hair as I smirked at him. "I swear, if you- nhhgh"

The albino started gasping air and making noises loud enough to wake up the whole floor, as I finally touched him. I had done it once before with a guy, but this was completely different. I hadn't actually cared that much about his pleasure, but when hearing the sounds Near made, I almost forgot my own wholly. It occurred me just then that it was his first time.

"Do you have oil? Or Vaseline?" I asked.

"Nnnnh…V-Vaseline, in the bedside table's drawer- ah!" he squirmed in sensation as I licked his whole length from down to top, before stretching over him to get the lube.

The fire inside me had grown into a measure I could hardly bear, but still I controlled myself somehow. I kissed him fiercely before settling between his knees, raised his legs and bent them to get better access for using the content of the bottle. I needed to be gentle, for I didn't want to hurt him, but it was so hard when my whole body was shivering for the need. I started stroking him firmly to keep his mind out of my slick finger that probed his backside.

His breath caught as I tugged two fingers inside.

"Does it hurt?" I asked, carefully observing his expression.

"N-no…it feels a bit weird…" his voice was quivering, but the look in his eyes was honest, so I just kissed him again.

As I continued exploring him inside, he became more and more aroused and I couldn't help myself for getting too. We weren't the same we were just an hour before. How had it suddenly come to this, friends turning into lovers? It was something I had never dared to hope. I had kept trying to kill the wish and move on, but...

and now he was under me, and he had said he loved me.

He kept arching his back as I prepared him. I took my time, not caring about the demanding pain in my pants. My head felt so fuzzy with all the feelings. It was _him _under me. This wasn't a dream.

"Mello…I can't take it anymore…I want you inside me." he cried out after a while. He had lost himself completely, and I was about to too.

With the remains of my self-control, I replaced the fingers with my own hardening I had barely got out of my annoyingly tight pants. I was glad that he understood enough to relax, since the progress of getting inside him gently without hurting was already difficult in itself. As I got deeper, he let out a displeased moan and his hands gripped the sheets hard. I tried to slow down more, but it was so hot and soft inside him and it felt so damn good…

As my hips started to slowly move against his, I noted how the cries of pain started to turn into ones of pleasure. And that was the moment when my senses took me over and my head blurred entirely.

I remember slamming myself into him, I remember how he moaned my name and how I loved every single noise he made. It was sweaty and passionate, even though I tried my hardest to be gentle and not to break his fragile body. His nails buried deep into my back as I took him over and over again, touched every single bit of skin in his body and kissed him like I had never kissed anyone before. He was perfect, everything in him was perfect. It was him and I in the room filled with moonlight, and I think I had never been that happy.

And when it was over, and both of us were exhausted, I held him in my arms and fell asleep with my lips on his forehead.

.

.

The moments after waking up were always hard to perceive. I opened my eyes to see far brighter room that I was supposed to, and blinked in surprise. I felt like I should have remembered something, but I was a little too tired to think, so I just closed my eyes again. I had the weird feeling of bliss that I wasn't completely sure where it came from, but it didn't really matter to me. It was like the opposite of a hangover, so why would I have minded?

But as always, my mind caught up before I had the chance to fall asleep again. I noted the warm body against my side, and with that, remembered last night. My eyes slammed open. Had it been real?

I turned my eyes to look at the white-haired boy, already waken up, staring at the ceiling in his thoughts. He probably felt my gaze on his profile, since he turned to see me with a curious look in his deep gray eyes.

"…Good morning." he said, same way as always. Though this time everything was different. Our faces were inches away from each other, the look in our eyes searching. The things we had done last night…

"Good morning." I replied softly, feeling my heart bouncing for the emotions I had suddenly surging inside me.

Silently Near lifted his hands and drove his fingers on my lips gently, frowning a little.

"I thought it was a dream…" he muttered to me, and I suppose his touching was meant to ensure that I really was there.

"As in a nightmare?" I asked, smiling.

I don't know what went through his head, but he just shook his head.

"This could still be a dream, you know." I said, grabbing his hand in mine. It was hard to internalize that I really could just take his hand like that and touch him so carelessly.

He smiled a little before shaking his head again. "No, I'm too sore for this to be dream."

"Oh…right. So how was it?" I asked, censoring his face. "Your first time."

I really couldn't get it in my head…I had been the first person to ever touch him like that. And the last, if it was up to me. The thought made my stomach tingle ridiculously. How frustrating. I had thought that those kind of feelings passed when getting together with the object of admiration, but obviously that wasn't the case.

Near pouted his lips, moving his eyes from me again. He looked a little thoughtful, and I was starting to get a little worried when he didn't answer.

"…it wasn't _that _bad, right?" I asked, grimacing. It had been so good for me that the thought of Near being displeased with it was crushing.

But instead of the disgusted reaction I had waited, the boy just frowned. "I am trying to find a reply that doesn't make me sound pathetic."

A surge of happiness flushed inside me. "So you liked it, huh?" I asked, grinning.

"To say the least." he smiled back, and I couldn't help myself for smooching him to the slightly swollen lips. His smile widened with that, and my heart skipped a beat to the sight.

Then I noted his neck, and my eyes widened. It would have been an understatement to say that I had done a few hickeys there. Well, it had hickeys, among the bite marks and other signs of wild night. The bluish spots made a line to his chest and probably even lower, but I couldn't be sure since he had a blanket over him.

"Wow. I'm…uhm…sorry?" I said carefully, returning my gaze to Near, who just tilted his head.

"I suppose I have to button all the way up today, don't you think?" he just said, amusement gleaming in his eyes. I smirked, letting the feeling of happiness get over me wholly.

"If that's what you want." I responded.

He nodded, turning his gaze back to the ceiling. My eyes were now wandering on his soft, wavy hair and the straight line of his nose. I couldn't help thinking how gorgeous he was, not just physically but with his mind and all…he was just so damn perfect. And he was all mine. The thought made me smile, but then I noted how the emotion in Near's eyes had changed. He was staring up in a way that told me he was thinking too much, or something I didn't want him to think.

"What is it?" I asked, frowning a little.

"It's just…" he said quietly. "When you said you loved me…were you saying that just to get me to continue?"

What? Did he really think I would lie to him to get into his pants? What the hell? I had just had the best fucking night of my life, and the ninety percent of it was because Near had told me he loved me.

"How low do you even think of me?" I asked, couldn't help sounding offended.

Near turned his eyes to me, and opened his mouth quickly. "I didn't mean it to sound like that. But just...I am not one to get fallen in love with, Mello."

I shook my head, unbelieving. "And I am, then? Isn't it obvious that we're both pretty fucking messed up people with difficult personalities and too much intelligence?"

He looked at me silently for a moment, and I returned the hard look.

"Then say it again." he demanded.

"What? That I love you? Fine." I moved on top of him, and he winced a little as our skins made contact, since we were both still naked.

"I love you." I said, then leaned down and kissed him, feeling the warmth in my belly. "I love you. I love you. I love you."

I gave him a kiss every time I had said it, and kept pattering it over and over again. It wasn't just that I adored his lips, but the way he smiled when I told him I loved him that many times…Why had I even delayed this? I had been supposed to do this since the first time I met him, be the person who tells him that he's loved since he apparently didn't believe it by himself.

"I think I got the point." he breathed as I finally had to stop the latest kiss to gasp some air.

"Oh? I think you didn't." I smirked as planning to kiss him again, but as I leaned down, he pushed me back.

"Wha-"

"I believe you, Mello, but you're getting too excited, and I am quite sure that my body won't take another round anytime soon." he said, looking apologetic.

"Oh. Then we'll just cuddle." I said as rolling back to my side of the bed, and pulling Near closer to me.

We were silent for a moment, Near playing with the strands of my hair, and I just looking at him like the miracle he was. We had no rush to anywhere, since it was Sunday, but I doubt that we would have left his room even if it wasn't a weekend. I just wanted to enjoy the incredible feeling of having something going right in my life.

"Mello…" Near said suddenly, eyes on the blonde lock of hair he twirled in his fingers. "How long exactly have you liked me that way?"

I felt my face heating a little, but I didn't let it disturb me. "For a while now. Why do you ask?"

He grinned a mischievous smile I had seldom seen on his face as he answered. "Just wanted to know if my radiator-trick had any kind of effect on you."

I smirked too to the memory of him getting all bothering in the heat. "Next time simple 'fuck me' will do, you freaking tease. You don't even know how self-reproachful I was after that."

"Oh…I thought you were disgusted when you left so suddenly." he frowned. "Though Matt tried to make me do it again, since like he said, I 'almost got you'."

"So Matt really knew? Goddamnit, that bastard! We could have saved so much time if he had just told us!" I uttered, chagrined.

"Well, we aren't intervening in his and Linda's situation either, so I suppose we aren't ones to criticize his methods." Near said, and I had to agree with him. It was better to let people sort their problems out by themselves, and since Matt couldn't be hundred percent positive about my feelings towards Near, he couldn't really do anything without a risk.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right…I wonder how our pals are going to react to this." I said thoughtfully.

"Is it even sure that they'll know?" he asked, and I raised my eyebrows at him.

"If they see us kissing and still won't get it, then I don't think I want to spend time with people that stupid."

Near looked at me a little surprised. "Are you going to kiss me publically?"

"Is there a reason I shouldn't?" I inquired, getting a little nervous. Didn't he want anyone to see us together?

"Doesn't that make us a couple?" he said, a little confused and extremely cute.

"Don't you want us to be a couple, then?" I couldn't help myself for sounding offended again.

"Yes, I do." Near said, pouting his lips. "But the thought that you would really want to be with me like that…."

Why was he thinking like that? Was he just so insecure that he couldn't believe that someone would want him?

But then I realized the dreams he had, and how I had been hating Near in them. Of course he thought it was weird that I cared him so much when he saw dreams with me picking on him like the biggest douche on earth... it must be confusing to him.

"Is it the dreams, Near?" I asked quietly, just to make sure. He just nodded, and I continued as a distant idea hit me. "Does that have something to do with you evading me before?"

He was silent for some time, before nodding. The day before I would have squeezed every detail out of him, but now…I was just too happy to think about it. Near was there in my arms, and everything felt just fine.

"Mello…I think we should go wash up. We have slept in these sheets that are filled with our body secretions." he said finally, and I had to agree with him. Rolling in your own semen wasn't as fun as it might sound.

And I stood up after Near, and as passing the desk to the bathroom, I accidentally knocked over the card tower that had magically stayed up the whole long night.

.

.

A/N: I like to imagine that your innocent young minds are burning while reading this text

no seriously I warned you and still here you are, reading gay porn

what do you mean I didn't warn you?

what about all the winky-faces?


	17. Decision

I found Matt and the others in the lounge few hours later. After getting out of the room (we had to change the sheets and collect the cards of the fallen castle) Near and I had parted, for the boy had to visit library while I continued to my pals. He promised he'd come soon behind, so it wasn't too hard to let him go.

I hadn't even got the time to sit, when Matt had already scanned me from head to toe with narrowed eyes, but they widened immediately as he spoke out loud. "You got laid last night!"

Every one of my buddies turned to look at me with that, all of them getting quiet. I just raised my eyebrows, focusing on Matt.

"How in the hell did you know?"

The redhead looked concerned and almost angry. "Isn't it obvious? A) you're grinning like a maniac, b) you're wearing same clothes you wore yesterday. That never happens. And c) you have a hickey on your neck."

I had? Wow, I hadn't even noticed that when mirroring myself while taking the shower. My body had only few scratches on my back where Near had scraped while I-

"Who was it?" Matt asked with demanding tone. He crossed his hands to his chest, looking at me like I had done something terribly wrong and had to now suffer the consequences.

"Why are you so angry?" I raised my brows.

"…I'm not angry, I'm just concerned." he said, scowling.

"Oh, and why would you be concerned? I am a big boy already, Matt. I can take care of myself."

He just puckered his eyebrows even more. "I am not concerned about you, fuckface. Who was it?"

Fortunately, Near decided to arrive the perfect moment. As soon as he appeared next to me, everybody had their eyes on his buttoned-up blouse that didn't even cover all the bruises, and the smile he had on his face. They moved their gazes between us two, and Matt's expression turned a lot of brighter as he realized the picture.

"YES! Finally!" he said, and everyone started cheering and clapping their hands like retarded seals, while Near and I shared a look of saturation. God, how I hated them sometimes and the way they all apparently knew that we had something going on but didn't bother to tell _us _about it.

When sitting to the only free couch, we earned another round of hoorays. I actually didn't care that much about them, since Near was still smiling next to me and the warmth of his body made me feel kinda safe.

.

After others had finally stopped the cheering, Matt started to make some kind of quiz out of last night. I answered indifferently while Near turned his attention to his Sudoku cube, which he was obviously going to solve in few minutes with that speed.

"Was it fun?"

"Yes."

"Who was on top?"

"Me."

"Did you use protection?"

"No."

"What if Near gets pregnant?"

"He's male."

"Then how do you explain his vagina?"

"He doesn't have a vagina."

"How can you be sure?"

"I saw him naked last night."

"What? You had sex?"

"Yeah, Matt, we had sex."

"Was it fun?" he started it over again.

But at that point, Near turned to look at me curiously, and I had no time to slap Matt on the back of his head.

"Not that I'd mind, but why are you answering him?" he asked, pretty reasonably.

"He'll quit it sooner if I just reply. You couldn't believe how persistent he is when I won't speak to him." I sighed. Near nodded and turned back to his sudocube, while Matt continued my harassing.

"Was Near loud?"

"Kinda."

"What's wrong with him, by the way? He isn't even blushing." the guy peeked Near over me, but he was just calmly solving the game in his hands, not caring a single bit what we talked.

"Maybe he's gotten over that phase." I just shrugged.

"Oh, right, so you really did take his virginity."

"Yeah."

"Probably hurt like hell."

"Probably."

"Some could say you're a real pain in the ass, Mels."

"Yeah."

"Literally."

"Yeah."

"So who came first?"

"Near."

"Even though he was the one who got impaled? Ouch. Is he a masochist or something?"

"Ask him, you twat."

Matt turned cheerily to Near. "Near, are you a masochist?"

The albino lifted his head, raising an eyebrow. "I haven't really thought about it."

"Then start thinking." Matt turned back to me. "So, Mels, how big is he?"

I was opening my mouth to answer, but for my surprise, pale hand came to hush it immediately. I looked at him surprised, for I didn't think he would actually care about Matt knowing it, but then I noted that his eyes were on Chris. The poor boy was full red and grimacing.

"Why do you have to speak that kind of stuff here?" Linda asked, tapping the guy on the shoulder.

"I'm fine, Linda. Just…stop asking their personal stuff, Matt," Chris said, looking a little nauseous, but Matt just shrugged.

"I'm just trying to get them awkward. Obviously it doesn't work on anyone else than you," the redhead explained, and I snorted.

"Obviously. But if you really want to see how to get Near blushed…" I captured the white-haired boy's face on my hands and kissed him straight to his lips, enjoying the silent gasp he made.

There was a chore of 'aww's around us, but I didn't care. Why hadn't I kissed him earlier? Why wasn't I kissing him all the time? His lips were so warm and soft, even though they looked like marble. But the best feeling was seriously when he kissed me cautiously back.

"You're not playing fair." he breathed as I finally let him go, cheeks flustered in light pink. I just smirked at him. I had no time to really answer anything else, when Elliot sat down next to Matt on the sofa.

"Hi, what's up?" he asked, looking at us casually. My hands were still cupping Near's face, and everyone just stared at Elliot quietly, waiting for a reaction.

The ginger just raised his eyebrows. "Why are you all staring at me? Have I missed something?"

Linda looked at him with a perfect what-the-fuck-expression and tilted her head towards us, making Elliot turn to look at us in confusion.

"Yeah, Mello and Near." he said, shrugging. "What about them?"

"They're together!" Linda huffed, spreading his hands in a frustrated way. Now Elliot looked even more confused.

"Wait, they weren't before?"

And that is how Matt, Chris, Linda and Jamie laughed for twenty minutes straight, rolling on the floor and bursting into laughter every time they saw Elliot's bemused expression or my glare.

The only thing that got me from kicking their asses was Near's hand in mine.

.

.

About an hour later everyone else had decided to go to downtown, but even though they asked Near and I to join, we just wanted to have some time together. To be honest, I wanted to spend every damn minute of my life with him. How had I even gotten into a situation like that?

One day I just meet this person, then everything is hard and suddenly nothing is. Being with him was so easy, I didn't even have to think my words for he understood every single thing I said and commented them in casual way.

And now we could just lean on each other, hold hands and kiss like it was normal for us. His fingers were tangled to mine, as we sat there in the same sofa closer than we had ever been in public. We were just looking into each other's eyes, for now we had no reason to turn our gazes. But for some reason, his irises that had looked like melted silver in the moonlight seemed to be now darker and his look was somewhat heavy-hearted.

"What is it?" I asked quietly. The lounge around us was pretty peaceful, so I didn't want my volume to be too loud.

"I just…still can't believe it to be true..." he answered, slowly moving his gaze down. "This seems to be too fortunate to be real."

"At least for my part," I uttered. "For you again…maybe it took a little time for me to internalize it, but I was sold for the very first moment I saw you."

"Sounds quite unlikely," he just said.

"No, it doesn't, you twit," I stated back.

Sighing, he buried his face to my neck. "…but when one day you wake up and regret all of this…"

"Why are you thinking like that, Near? I am not that guy from your dreams." I was getting frustrated. I just wanted him to be happy and not worry about it.

He stayed silent for a moment, and I had no idea what went through his head.

"What exactly did Beyond tell you in the phone?" he changed the subject suddenly, and I was a bit surprised for a moment, but then just decided to pass it without thinking. I had wanted to talk about the matter with Near earlier, and was kinda glad that he reminded me.

Unlike to the others, to him I told everything B had said. He listened me with an expressionless face that made me sorta nervous, since it was too damn hard to guess what he was thinking about the whole thing.

"So, what do you think?" I asked after explaining it all to him.

He didn't hesitate when answering, "He's right. We shouldn't join that institute."

The look in his eyes was sure, but had something else behind it that I wasn't completely certain…for a moment he looked like he had an experience about the place, or something similar. It was a stupid thought to think, but when looking at him, there was definitely something different in him. But the issue that got me little worried was that it was a familiar difference.

"Not that I wouldn't agree with you there, but… is there any logical reason to deny their offer? After all, B could have just really gone cuckoo," I said, and Near's expression turned a slight bit drearier.

"It is a possibility, of course. But then again, there's still the fact that we hadn't gone to those kind of academies before..." his voice wore off at the end.

"That could be just a coincidence. I never even had the chance to get into those kind of schools, since the closest ones would've been miles away from the place I lived…" I pounded, and the boy next to me was abnormally silent.

''Coincidence….it could be. But there always lives a chance that we somehow avoided them on purpose," he just said.

"Like unconsciously? But then our subconscious would have some rational reason to do that. And I have no memories of ever having anything to do with institutes of that sort." It was hard to try and make sense in everything that happened around us. Dreams, visions, weird institutions…at least I had won a huge victory in between and lightened my burden of worries now when Near was mine.

"No memories…." the albino next to me repeated quietly with a low tone. For a moment his lips were tugged with a bittersweet smile, but I think I just imagined when he looked absolutely normal as continuing, "It's odd, but we already knew that. The smartest thing in this situation would be just to follow our instincts."

"Yeah, well, I already promised Beyond not to go with them, so I think it's settled…though I'm still a bit worried. B said something like they wouldn't take 'no' as an answer…." the conversation came back to my mind wholly, with all the feelings it had caused. How fucking creepy that son of a bitch could be sometimes…

"You shouldn't worry," Near spoke. "We'll see it when the matter is topical."

"Yeah, right…" I sighed, and then continued after a little moment of silence. "Have you ever wondered why it's us who have to deal with this kind of shit all the time?"

He looked at me with his abyss eyes for some time, before tilting his head and saying, "All gifts come with a price, Mello. We're too clever to have an easy life."

"Then what's yours?" I asked, placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth. He was right, as always. We had the abilities to handle those strange situations that our lives threw in front of us. Maybe life would have been somewhat easier with lower IQ.

"What? My price?"

"Yeah…" I verified, giving him another kiss, this time straight to his mouth.

"…You'll find it out soon," he breathed as I packed away, and hadn't time to notice the sadness inside his eyes for I had already pressed our lips together again. We didn't need the stupid institute, the nightmares or any else of the difficulties the world had to offer to us. Because I was willing to pay the price Near had.

.

.

Being finally with the guy had so many good sides with none bad, that I felt like one human couldn't control the amount of happiness I had inside me. Even if Near was completely inexperienced with the matter, being with him in a romantic way came damn natural from me. Kissing him, hugging him, keeping him close. When I had been only his friend, my time with him had been great, but now…

I think falling in love wasn't that bad after all. Of course it would have been more intelligent to avoid those kind of things when there was a risk that close friendship would be ruined forever. But I wasn't going to leave Near. Maybe it sounded stupid thing that a teenager would say about any of their current partners, but with us the whole thing was different. I had never felt like that with anyone. No one had ever made my pulse going mad with just smiling, or kept my interest for two hours just by talking. Near was an exception in everything.

And I loved it. One of the best parts about the whole thing was people's reactions. On Monday, I had a math lecture with Near in the afternoon. When I arrived to the class, he was already sitting in his place, going meaninglessly through his notes. I think my whole being brightened when he met my eyes.

Without thinking, I just walked straight to him and gave a sultry kiss to his lips. The silence that fell among the people near us was terrifyingly pleasing, and the way I had gotten Near off guard was even more so, since he had stiffened in surprise. It must have looked like I had just randomly decided to kiss the albino, which was hilarious.

Widely grinning, I parted our lips. Near looked at me with raised eyebrows, still astonished. He shouldn't have looked _that _taken aback, though… it wasn't like I had stuffed my tongue to his throat. Which I could have done too, but thought it would be a pretty bad move since Near was so distracted that he would had probably gagged.

"Why are you looking so surprised?" I laughed, but voice low enough for only Near to hear me. "Can't I kiss you anymore? Did you already dump me when we didn't see in these last two hours?"

He finally shook the astonishment off, and pouted his lips. "No, but I didn't know you were so eager to show our relationship this openly."

"Why wouldn't I?" I asked, smiling impishly. "It looks being a problem only to you. Are you ashamed of me or something?"

"That question is so absurd that I have to refuse from answering," he just said.

"Oh, so it's about the people? You don't like to be stared?" I noted how at least half of the class was now looking at us with big black question marks above their heads. Or they would have, if life had been a comic. Now the people just looked almost as surprised as Near had.

"I can't say I'm fond of that," he sighed, but smiled when I kissed him again on the cheek. There was starting to be a little murmuring around us. "Mello, you should go to your place. The class's starting."

"Fine, okay," I just smiled. "Kiss me goodbye."

He frowned. "Your place is three seats away. I can see you the whole time. How would it be a 'goodbye'?"

"Okay, it's not goodbye. Then give me an 'I'll stalk you through the whole lesson'-kiss." My smile just widened.

"I am not going to stalk you through the whole lesson," he just sighed. Liiiiar. "Go to your place, Mello. The teacher's starting in seconds."

"Give me a kiss, then I'll move," I wasn't going to give up. It was funny, since I could have just leaned over and took the kiss by myself, but hey, he had to put some effort to it also.

"Go, Mello."

"Are we going to keep arguing or are you going to give me my damn kiss?"

The people closest us that heard the argument were now looking at Near expectantly. The albino noted it himself too, and with a little faint of colour in his cheeks he pressed our lips gently together. Second, and then he had leaned back. God, how I loved his lips.

"Go," the boy muttered.

I winked at him with a smug smile, then turned around to settle to my place. And goddamnit, the looks other students gave me. I liked attention, really. So the whole lecture was pure pleasure, when I enjoyed the reaction I had caused with a grin on my face the whole time.

.

After the class, my smirk hadn't elapsed even a little. We walked on a corridor, slowly making our way to the next lecture. The albino wasn't smiling like I was, but he didn't seem mad either. It looked like he was going something through in his head, and I didn't feel the need to disturb him. Just spending time like this with him was good enough.

Besides, my thoughts were also drifting. The recent lecture went through my mind, from the lovely point where Near had kissed me to the end of the class when two girls that seemed to think that they gossiped quietly had come to the conclusion that I was in fact gay. Points for the bright young ladies. The reactions about the kiss were priceless. I didn't know what was funnier; the two girls that seemed to get mad or the four boys who seemed to get hopeful.

"Mello…" Near said suddenly, dragging me from my thoughts.

"What?" I asked, turning to him. I was immediately pulled closer by my collar, and Near's lips smacked fiercely against mine. I was dumbfounded for a moment, but just a moment, after answering the kiss with just as much passion. I don't know if he really was that good kisser, or if it was just my head that made it feel like heaven, but I wanted it to never end.

Near deepened the kiss just a little, before letting go. My lips felt a little sore, but it didn't matter. I was still a bit bewildered, at least until I shook off the dizziness the kiss had caused and turned back to the way we were walking.

And saw the girl from my chemistry class, looking at us with an expression full of shock and hurt. Her lips shuddered, and she looked so sad that I really felt sorry for her, even though we had never even spoken properly. She had asked me out on a date for once, and that was it.

Then I remembered that my sneaky albino had been there when she had asked me about that, and then I linked the dots. She turned away as I gave now grinning Near a harsh look.

"Now that was completely unnecessary."

"What?" he just blinked, tilting his head.

"Damn it with you," I sighed. "You act all innocent, but then you go and break girl's heart."

"I don't think it counts if you kiss the girl's crush," he stated cheerily.

"It does," I argued back. "And besides, I thought you didn't like kissing when there's people looking."

He just shrugged. "No, I just said that I'm not fond of being in the middle of the spotlight. I don't mind you kissing me in public."

"You're heartless."

"Oddly enough, I still have enough heart to stalk you through the lecture."

"I fucking knew it."

Near just smiled at me, grabbing my hand to his. "I just wanted to make it clear to her, so she wouldn't keep up the false hope. And actually I just wanted to kiss you."

"Right. Then- oh fuck, I forgot my books to my room! Shit!" I burst out, remembering it only when the class was right in front of me.

"Then go get them. You still have time," Near spoke, letting go of my hand. I missed the contact immediately, but decided it would probably be better to just get the damn learning tools rather than stay to hold hands with him.

So I turned around and left to get my books.

.

I tried to be quick, and for that, I ran almost the whole damn way. I had a feeling of sickness growing inside me for some reason, but I assumed it was just the running after not eating anything else than chocolate that day.

But when I finally got into my room, all the hopes of managing to get back in time vanished in seconds. I don't know what hit me, because after I had closed the door behind me, my vision got black and a strike of sharp pain hit my head.

_There he was, surrounded by his precious toys again. It had been so long from the time I had seen him before…and now I only saw his back. How typical, that his plans were going perfect, when there was me with my endless failures, now a scar on my face to remind about them forever. _

_Two of Near's slaves –no, agents, were pointing their guns at me._

"_Mello, welcome," he said with no emotion in his voice. _

_Was he too afraid to face me, or why hadn't he turned around yet? Pathetic. I should have known that he didn't have the guts. Or didn't he just care enough to turn around? That was also a possibility. _

"_Drop your weapon!" other one of the agents shouted. _

_The rage inside me grew. It had been the blonde man who had demanded me to give up, but still it was almost as Near was speaking through him. 'Drop you weapon. Give up'. He was the weaker one, the one who needed help in every fucking thing he did. Still, Near was also the one who was considered better, even when hiding behind two big guys with guns, without the balls to face me himself. _

_I would never give up. I was going to show the world I was better than him._

With a cry of pain that pounded in my mind, I fell to my knees, holding my head as if fearing it would wreck. The sickness in my mind hadn't vanished. It had just gathered strength to strike harder.

Another vision, more confusing feelings. Just what I needed when everything was going great, right?

.

.

A/N: I just kinda made their pals to have the same reaction we all had. Because, you know, _finally they're together! _HOORAY!

Now should I end it happily with them together and no one's hurt and everything's happy or should I make them avoid each other?

Because, you know, why would somebody _not _avoid people they care about? Always been a mystery to me

/okay, maybe I should just stop being a sarcastic little shit and continue trying to make them live happily ever after


End file.
